just a quick note, killing chimerias, for that it what i am, a creature of two worlds, niether one thing or another. And to adegree a creature of fanstasy.

No more, sick of living in the sahdows, alone in the night, fed up with jumping when the door rings.

Don't get me wrong i go out dressed, hell dressed however i want, used ot be a real flirt. Then i met the girl i was to marry, christian type (no offence to anyone) really didn't think she would understand. So i moved into the shadows, and became that which i am today. A creature of shadows, this has caused real problems over the last 8 or so years. End result? me and the wife seperated, really wish i'd been open from the off, she probably wouldn't have ended up my wife, a fact i'd really regret.

But i'd be me, and not a shadow. The harm keeping this side of me hiddne has done cannot be undone, but i'm going to try.

The chimeria dies next WE, wife, sort of ex wife i guess will not like this. I hope it helps to to understand the rift between us and where it came from. This is me, not her fault and she needs to know that. It has taken me 8 years to realise this but now my mind is made up.

So good bye shadows, not sure where this road will lead but its one i am now following.

Wife first, then rest of the familiy still not sure about work

oh yes and a few liberal freinds of mine may have there convictions tested to the max.

More news to follow as and when...

Ok been scuppered.

Wife knew i wanted to tell her something, just not what. WE arranged so we had virtually no time alone together. real sod, anyway have to catch her by phone now, not heartless enough for a text message.

think she thinks i'm having an affair, in away i am, just with part of myself. Wonder what she'll make of that..

Fun Fun Fun

go for it girl and good luck

you and me the same babes

this chimeria gonna die, maybe i need different ammo....

Clair,
i am right there with you girl, Literally walking a step behind you. Anything I can do for you Please feel free to ask.
Love,
Tressa

clair - chin up - shoulders back - stand up straight and smile.
I know that must sound like your mother talking but it's the best advice I ever received and it wasn't from my mother either.
xxx

ok update, told wife by phone, she a bit upset to say the least and doesn't know what to think yet. This i can understand.

To early to tell what the long term results will be but she didn't scream at me at all.

I feel a bit low though for upsetting her like this.

another update, wife still speaking to me, well via txt anyway, gotta get that woman email...

anyway, she still very curious understandable really, but at least we're still talking. plus while we may never live under the same roof again (not really to do with this side of me) she still wants to live close.

ok now she been thinking (always leads to trouble) plus she talked to a few freinds, they a bit more open minded than her it turns out.

she never wants to know about this side of me, plus we may end up friends but will probably never live together again.

on the flip side, i now have an offer for going shopping and another to help with MU. not sure thats what the wife wanted.

She has told me to explore this side of myself fully. Shes sort of hoping i scare meself silly and come to my senses.

I've no problems here, i didn't think she wus gonna like this shes actually taken it better than i though she would.

This is something she doesn't understand, and doesn't want to, this is her choice which i can also accept.

Hang in there Clair, it sounds like you're doing really well. Life is a constant series of opportunities and you just never know where they will lead. You posts seem to indicate that your attitude is good, your sense of self awareness is strong and that you're ready to deal with whatever life sends your way. If you need to talk, you know where to find me.

Clair,
Your acknowledgement and understanding that you need to also accept her decisions will be a big plus for her.She will feel much more accepting of you if you give her the same. Acceptance and unconditional love is very difficult at times like these. But this is the most important time to get over any ego or expectations we have and just listen to the other person, let them know we hear them and have concern for there feelings. The big mistake I made was shutting down my feelings because I didn't think I was strong enough at the time and that translated to my wife as a lack of compassion for her feelings, which in turn sparked negative responses and reactions on her part. She felt a great deal of rejection towards her even though I was just as attracted to her as ever. The other thing I hear you saying that is encouraging to me is that she is getting information on her own and trying to understand. That is a big step and she should be acknowledged for showing how much she really does care for you. Be very loving, don't place the anger you may feel on her because this isn't her and don't beat yourself up because it isn't you either. I really mean this, if you feel anger coming up within you during a conversation or other times take a time out. Explain to her that you are feeling some emotions that you don't understand and let her know that you need to take some time. Not a day or a week but say an hour or two and then finish discussing the issue you were on. It is critical that you keep any anger you feel in check during your conversations. I put up a heavy punching bag in my garage and would go out and have at it. That would bring out the pain and fear and it is a very healthy wayto release. A day at a time honey, don't internalize her pain. one more thing-- PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE A GOOD HUMAN BEING AND YOUR NOT WRONG OR BAD FOR GIVING YOURSELF THE LOVE YOU NEED.

Anything you need, I am here,
Tressa

well update time, thanks for all the support and comments from everyone.

Well wife now knows. Shes still unsure and has stacks of questions. But in the space of 1 week we've run the whole spectrum from 'i hate you' etc (understandable) to now, she actually is looking forwards to going out with me and has got me an outfit.

Apparently i can be a travsestite, just not a badly dressed one. plus my choice of clothes intrigued her.

So well still going, actually now she knows (i kept this from her for 9 years and was a real crappy sod cus of that) we getting on way better.

Oh yes and wify dear when ya reads this cus i knows ya will i is really sorry for hiding all this from ya.

It sounds like this has actually gone reasonably well; you are lucky. Your wife is absolutely right that she doesn't want you to be a badly dressed transvestite. It is worth doing well, and her help should be valuable.

On an unrelated note, here is a website describing chimaeras, "Chimaeras - The Neglected Chondrichthyans":

http://www.elasmo-researc[...]era.htm

They look like cute little creatures; I wouldn't want to kill one.

Heather H.

Hi Clair, I really feel for what you've been going through. For so many of us, being tranny is an unhappy compromise: you get to dress but you have to lead a double life. I'm in the same position myself - and choosing to live for the present, because the future has no solutions.

I'm so sorry you and your wife have separated. As a Christian myself I know how difficult a step this is to take.

Now you need to make the best of where you are. It sounds as though you are single again and free to dress. I think you're right that when you've reached the stage you're at, it's best to be honest and open with anyone you meet and get to know. There comes a time when you can't hide what you are.

One of the good things about this site is that it does provide a caring community where we can all look after each other. I know you're a regular in the chatroom and I hope you're getting the support you need.

Feel free to email me if it would help to talk to someone. My address is [email protected].

Catherine