Hi All-

I promised to post some info on my trip to Seattle as a followup to my post on this fora "Steppin' Out" on the 24th. Anyway, I did go to Seattle and I did go out for the first time as me, as Joni, whom I sometimes think of as the "real" me.

This is most of an email I sent to Cindy a couple of days after I got back. She has kindly given permission for me to post it here, so I won't have to retype the whole thing, cuz I'm lazy.

I know this is old stuff to a lot of you girls, but to me it was like a lifelong dream come true. My only regret in coming out was that I waited so darn long to do it. BTW, I did do some editing, just took out some personal stuff to Cindy. It's kind of long, hope it isn't too boring.
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Woo-hoo! What a coupla days it's been! I did it, I
really did it! Finally after all these years and false
starts I finally went out in the real world as me, as
Joni, that is.

Lessee, where to start. I left for Washington
Wednesday morning around 11 o'clock and figured on
about a 5 hour drive to get to Stephanie's house, she
lives about 80 miles or so east of Seattle. I made
one stop along way for other than gas and pee stops, I
stopped in a little town called The Dalles which is in
Oregon and is one of the sites for crossing the
Columbia into Washington. I wanted to check out the
thrift stores and see if I could score a jacket and
maybe some black slacks or some jeans or...something,
you know how it is at thrift stores. You never know
what you might find, might be just junk or a real
treasure. Anyway, I didn't find any slacks, it's so
hard to find girl pants with long enough legs, but I
did find two nice jackets, one is mainly black, but
has multicolored embroidery across the upper back and
shoulders and down the front a little ways. The other
one is emerald green with a kind of raised embroidered
pattern the same color. They were less than 10 bucks
for both.

Then I headed on over into Washington and got to
Steph's place about 4:30. She's single and has a nice
place kind of up in the woods, a log built house, not
huge or anything, but very nice with a finished
basement with a guest room with a bath and everything,
that's where I stayed. Since we had never actually
met, except for emails and stuff, we spent the first
couple of hours just talking and getting acquainted.
Around 7 or so we had dinner, baked salmon, rice,
veggies and salad. I even had glass of wine, which I
don't usually do, but what the hey, it was a special
occasion.

So once we had dinner and cleared stuff away, Steph
asked me if I wanted to do makeup, I said sure, of
course. So we went in her bedroom and ohgawd, you
should see all her femme stuff. Since she lives alone
(she does have a gf, but she has her own place) it was
totally just a girl bedroom. She has tons of clothes
and shoes and a huged old desk that she uses as a
dresser that is just covered with makeup and brushes
and all kinds of stuff. So we sat down and she started
going thru her makeup and going, "do you need some of
this?" and "here, you can have this, I don't like the
color." Cin, she gave me just a ton of stuff and good
stuff, like Estee Lauder and Clinique and so on, most
of it unopened, even. She was so sweet. Then she did
her makeup and told what she was doing as she went
along. Then it was my turn and she helped me with
getting the foundation just right and worked on my
eyes. Lemme tell, you girl, I looked good. Then she
wanted to see what I was going to wear to town the
next day, so I got dressed and she showed some of her
clothes that she thought might fit, she's a big girl,
but she did have some stuff that looked pretty nice on
me. She also had so many shoes it made me sick <lol>,
I did try on a pair of thigh high leather boots with
5" heels. Yes, as a matter of fact I did get some
pictures. More on that later.

She had me try on some of her wigs and we finally
settled on a medium length red wig that was just
perfect. We just had a blast changing clothes and
messing around with wigs and stuff and finally we
headed of to bed around 2 AM. I got up around 7 (just
can't sleep late, even when I can) and showered
down stairs, taking my time with doing a good job of
shaving my bod and face and putting a good moisturizer
on. Steph popped out of bed around 9 and said let's
get going, so she showered and so on and then we did
makeup. I did most of my own, but Steph helped me with
the eyes and while she was doing hers, I got dressed.
I wore my corset laced up super tight, suntan panty
hose, a black skirt and that white sweater with the
multicolored pattern I told you about before. For
jewelry I had that multistrand necklace with the
copper colored beads and a bunch of rings and
bracelets that she loaned me. Lots of bling-bling, but
not overdone, well, not too much anyway. Oh, for shoes
I just wore a pair of black pumps with only about inch
and a half heels I got before I left home. Thankgawd I
decided not to wear my 5" heels, I would have been
crippled by the end of the day.

So we left around 11 and got to a place called North
Bend, which had a Factory Outlet and a Denny's. Steph,
pulls into the Denny's parking lot which is just full,
I mean it's nearly noon and there's a big lunch crowd.
"First stop'" she announces. "I'm starving, time for
breakfast." Cindy, at this point, I am scared to
death. This is my first time out, after all, just
riding in the freaking car was an adventure. Now this
crazy girl wants me to go into a crowded restaurant
with her! So I stall for a while. "What if I have to
go to the bathroom?", I say. And we have the following
dialogue:

Steph: "What do you mean?"
Me: "I mean if I have to use the bathroom, which one
should I use?"

At this point Steph looks at me like my IQ just
droppped a couple of dozen points and I guess it
probably had, but I was so nervous it was making me
stupid.

Steph: "You use the women's restroom. Do you think
you're going to go in the men's and stand in front of
the urinal with your skirt hiked up? That wouldn't be
very ladylike, would it?"

Well, she was right, it wouldn't be ladylike and I
couldn't think of anymore reasons to stall. I mean, I
could have just said, "No, I don't want to do this
after all." But hell, I hadn't driven five hours and
gone through all that hassle just to back out. And
besides, I really did want to do it. Been wanting to
do it for years and years.

So in we go, thank goodness there's not a lot of
people waiting to get seated. The hostess asks if
there's only two of us and Steph answers in her guy
voice and says yes, just two. The girl doesn't even
bat an eye. Steph says she doesn't bother trying to
sound femme, it's too hard and just sounds fakey so
why bother? I just keep smiling. She seats us and the
waitress comes around and Steph orders a breakfast and
I go for a salad and a diet Coke. Steph is bantering
with the waitress about the weather and the waitress
is kidding around with her and I just keep smiling.
Well, wouldn't you know it, I have to go to the
bathroom, so I ask Steph where they are and she points
to a hallway just off the entrance. Thank goodness I
don't have to parade through the whole restaurant.
"Don't forget your purse," Steph says, "No real girl
would go in there without it." Okey-doke, so here I
go. Whew, no one in here. No urinals, either, how
strange.<lol> I head for a stall and sit down and do
my thing and I'm getting ready to sprint out of there
and two women come in. Oh no! So I sit. They take
stalls on either side and are chatting away. They must
think I'm just quiet and constipated. Finally they
leave after more chatting in front of the sinks. I
hike up my undies, adjust my skirt, wash my hands
superfast and then have a girly moment. I glance in
the mirror and my hair is a mess (windy outside) I
start to take a brush out of my purse and then go
"what are you doing, you ninny?", screw the hair! I
head out and get back to the table. Steph is grinning,
"Did you fall in? I was ready to come looking for
you." So I tell her and she just laughs.

Well, we get done, I tell the waitress I'll take the
check and head up to the counter. I pay the guy at the
register, he doesn't even really look at me. And then
we're outside. "That wasn't so bad was it?" Steph asks
me. Actually, now that it's over it wasn't so bad. I
can't believe I did it. Joni went in to a restaurant,
ordered, ate, paid, even used the potty and didn't
die or get tossed out on her ear. Hey, not bad! This
is fun.

Now for some shopping. We head across the road to the
Factory Outlet stores. First stop is the
Leggs-Hanes-Something or Other Store, I think I'm in
heaven, panties, bras, camisoles, all kinds of girl
stuff and all on sale. I resist the temptation to go
wild and only get some pantyhose (Sheer Energy, four
in a pack for only eight dollar! Wow!) and some thongs
I couldn't live without. I pay the lady and we talk,
she asks me if I want one of their customer coupon
thingys and I say sure. Steph chats and I chat and
we're all chatting. I can't believe it, I'm actually
having a good time. The lady obviously knows it's two
guys in dresses wearing makeup, but doesn't seem to
give a rat's ass. I also find it's easier to buy
undies and stuff as girl than it is to buy them when
I'm in drab. How weird. How fun.

Next stop is some store that sells luggage and purses
and stuff like that. I need a wallet so I don't have
to just dump stuff loose in my purse, so I get a nice
little leather wallet and chat with the sales girl as
she tries to sell me some other stuff. Once again, she
doesn't seem to care at all. My gosh could it really
be so easy? I pay for the wallet and we yak some more
and then it's out the door and heading for the Dress
Barn. I try on some black slacks, no luck, still can't
find any long enough in the leg. The store manager
comes over and asks me if I need any help. My first
inclination is to mumble "no" and head for the door,
but he actually seems friendly and wanting to help, so
I tell him and he leads me over to another rack and we
hold some pants up to judge size and decide there's
just nothing quite right. He recommends some other
stores for tall girls and is just as nice as can be.
Steph pays for a shirt and we head out to the car.
Total haul, new wallet, panties and some hose. And I'm
starting to relax. Shopping is therapeutic!

Now it's off to the big city. We hit downtown Seattle,
some mall I can't remember the name of, but it has a
Nordstroms. Steph and I are strolling down the mall
looking in windows. No one looks at us or seems to
care, guess they have their own things going on.
Except for one lady who is on the other side of the
mall and does a classic double-take and drops her jaw.
Good read from that distance. By now I feel confident
enough to grin at her. She clamps her jaw shut, looks
straight ahead and picks up her pace. Buh-bye, now.
We're in Nordstrom's which is a pretty high end place,
at least for this little country mouse. We're
surrounded by all kinds of g-girls, from teenage
Britney wannabes to older and very well dressed women.
No one seems to notice or care. We're looking at
prices on accessories like belts and scarves.
Omigawsh, these guys are spendy. Steph says not to
worry, we're not here to buy, just heading to the
makeup counter. "You're getting a makeover," she says.
Gulp!

We head to the Estee Lauder counter, cuz it's less
crowded and one of the associates is free. We march up
to the counter and a very pretty and beautifully made
up girl with Michelle on her name tag asks, "Do you
ladies need some help?" with a perky smile. Wonderful.
"I don't," Steph says, "but my friend needs all the
help she can get." Then we all three start chatting, I
tell Michelle I would like help with my eyes and
lipstick. Michelle has me come behind the counter and
get in the chair. Steph then proceeds to tell her it's
my first time out, Michelle asks me if that's really
true and I tell her it is. She say, "Well, you know,
you look really nice." I tell her I think she's just
being kind and she says, "No, really, you do. Your
makeup isn't bad at all and I love your hair and your
necklace." I compliment her on her eyes and we're
talking away about what I would like to have done. I
tell her I would like help with eye makeup and my lips
and also ask her about concealer and foundation for
the well, you know, the beard and moustache area.
Michelle just nods and says, no problem. "Why don't we
just do a complete makeover?" she asks. "Would you
like that?" Would I? Yes! Please, please! So I'm
sitting there in this chair behind the counter,
Steph's gone off to look at shoes, and I'm watching
customers in the mirror over Michelles's shoulder.
Some don't even glance up, some do and don't seem to
notice or don't care and some kind of look a little harder
than seems called for but don't seem to care much
either.

Michelle is working on my face and telling me about
concealer and foundation and matching colors and how
to put it on and what to do it with and I'm trying to
keep up and store it away for future use. She shows me
in a hand mirror after each step so I can see how it's
going. She gets the foundation done and asks me what I
want done with my eyes. I tell her I know that subdued
colors that match my skin tone are probably better for
just daytime, but that we're going out later and I'd
like something that stands out more, something bold
but not outrageous or garish. Maybe something with
blue or green if that would work with my eyes.
Michelle just nods and says sure, green and blue work
great with brown eyes and she thinks she can do just
what I want. Have I told you, she's a doll?<g> So now
she does my eyes step-by-step and shows me what she's
doing and how it looks, she does one eye and shows me
and then does the other eye. It's just amazing what
some one who really knows what they're doing can
accomplish. When she's done my eyes look, well,
beautiful. Kind of more makeup than most of the women
around are wearing for daytime, but we're going out
later so what the hey, besides I'm having fun. Then
she does my lips in a kind of bronzy, sparkly shade
and we're done. I can't believe it! I looked good. Little heavy duty for daytime, but I
loved it and told her so. She just smiled and said she
thought I looked pretty good, too. She also says if
I'd like to try for a different look we could start
over and do something totally different. I think she
was having fun, too. I mean I was just totally
enthusiastic and having such a good time. I'm sure to
most g-girls, this was all probably old hat, she
probably didn't get that many customers who were so
excited by what she was doing. I almost said yes, but
Steph was looking at her watch, so I declined. I did
buy the concealer and foundation she had used on me,
and the lipstick and liner. Came out to 97 bucks.
Yikes! EL is spendy sh*t, but oh well, couldn't just
walk out without buying anything. Michelle gave me her
card and tossed in some mascara samples and I told her
I'd be back next time I was in Seattle. And I will,
too.

Then we go downtown to a much rougher kind of area, to
a place called "Two Big Blondes". They're a second
hand store that caters to larger women, they're sizes
start at 16, just a little bigger than I can use, but
I did find a nice top. Steph is kind of a big girl and
I guess she shops there all the time, cuz the owner
greeted her by name and they were chatting away. I was
still looking for some black slacks and found a pair
long enough, and just the style I wanted, but they
were like a size 20, way too big in the waist and
butt. Gahhh, can't win! Steph and I get the owner's
son to take our picture in front of the store, Steph
said it was to prove that I'd actually been out. She
had also got some pix of me in the chair at EL's. Pix
will follow later.

Now we had to get all the way across town to get to
the restaurant in rush hour traffic. I had some how
got a run in my hose, so I decided to try to change in
the car. Another first for me. My skirt is rucked up
around my waist, I'm pulling off my hose and Steph is
having a blast at every light. She tries to pull up
next to buses or guys with tall pickups or semi's.
"Give 'em a show, girl!" she says. Thanks, Steph. Finally
I'm all back together and we're just having a good
time, yakking away and looking at people. At lights
guys glance into our car, sometimes they look a little
longer, like a guy would look at a car with two girls
in it, but no one seems to read us. Amazing what
makeup can do. By now I really feel good. New makeup,
nice clothes, an amazingly good day. So much fun.

We finally get to the restaurant, we're a little
early, but we got a good spot to park right out front.
We sit and chat, the table is reserved, so the
waitress is prepared for us and doesn't bat an eye.
Other girls start drifting in, all of them belong to
Emerald City Social Club, a t-support group in
Seattle, this is one of their regular social outings.
Steph introduces me as they come in and tells them I'm
from out of town and it's my first time out. They're
all super supportive and friendly and very nice. They
also tell me there's a tradition that if it's
someone's first night out, that girl pays for the
dinner. They're joking, I hope.<lol> By the time they
all show up there's about a dozen or so, which Steph
tells me is a little bit of a poor showing for one of
these, but the weather isn't very nice and some of
them have to drive quite a ways after getting off work
and so on, so it's understandable.

It's a Chinese place so we all order different stuff
and kind of share and pass things around. Did I
mention I'm still wearing my corset? What a great diet
aid that thing is! I'm hungry but after just a few
bites I feel full. Better than pills or drinking lots
of water before a meal. There's lots of joking around
and so on, obviously these girls have known each other
for a long time. They all make sure I get included in
the conversations and one of the girls tells a story
about some store that sells super nice previously
owned women's clothes, that changed hands and the new
owner wouldn't let her try clothes on in the fitting
room. By now the wine had been flowing and I think
they were getting ready to organize a demonstration in
front of the store, but it was too late and too rainy
and they tabled it in favor of shopping which was the
next item on the schedule.

We got in our cars and drove over to a consignment
store about four blocks away, we would have walked,
but it was still raining. In Seattle, imagine! The
store was called "Gypsy Trader" and they had arranged
to stay open late just for us. Cindy, it was the
coolest store, lots of really, really nice clothes
plus other stuff from jewelry to knickknacks and just
weird and unusual stuff from all around the world. I
found my slacks and a new long pencil style skirt that
looks so good and a silver pin for my wife and and I
got Steph an antique perfume bottle (she collects
them) which made her super happy. I think the owners
were happy, too. I talked with both of them and they
were really nice. Having been a jeweler many years ago
I had a long talk with the owner about some old silver
and turquoise pieces he had and about how a lot of
times old pieces get recycled so you can have a
combination of like really old beads with a much newer
pendant on a necklace and so on. This is me, Joni,
just talking away with someone and no problems at all.

Finally, it was around 9:30 or so and Steph and some
of the other girls decided to go to a place downtown
to have a drink and chat. I can't remember the name of
the place, but it's on the top floor of some hotel.
Twenty-eighth floor or something. We got there and wow
what a view. There quite a few people, but not really
crowded, by now I was brave enough to walk through the
place and look out the windows. No one even really
looked at me that I could tell. Didn't know whether to
feel hurt or not.<lol> I broke down and sipped on a
rum and coke and yakked with a gurl named Christine
who had organized the outing. She had a very
interesting story about her life and times as a
t-girl. She was very nice looking, btw, very tasteful
clothes and makeup. Ahh, big city girls.

Around mid-night Steph decided we should head back,
since we had a two hour or so drive ahead of us. So we
said goodbye to everyone and split. Had to gas up and
Steph made me pump the gas, said it was good practice.
Man was it cold, now I totally understand why g-girls
wear pants or why they get their bf's to pump the gas.

That is a lot for a first outing, but it sounds like everything went well. Now, I bet you will have the confidence to go out a lot. That first step is extremely difficult, but afterwards everything gets much easier. However, it pays not to get over-confident and do something stupid; for example, go to a redneck bar with a reputation for violence. Most places are safe and most people don't really care, so you should be fine. The western portions of Oregon and Washington are fairly tolerant and probably good places to be going out.

Heather H.

Hi Heather-

Thank you for the encouragement and kind words. Yep, I live in eastern, well, central Oregon and I would neve go out as Joni anywhere within about 200 miles of here. First of all there's the chance of getting recognized and then, as you implied, we're pretty rural...okay, pretty redneck.

You're absolutely right, though, I can't wait for the chance to go out again. I was lucky in having someone like Steph to encourage me and give me advice. Hopefully any further adventures will go just as well.

Hugs, Joni