So much is happening these days.

Most of my family is figuring it out that I'm TS. I told my nephew on Friday. He said he somewhat guessed, especially since he heard people talking. My one sister made a comment to my sister-in-law. We had a chat on Christmas day (a very horrible Christmas, I might add). I cried in front of her because of how I've been asked not to tell anyone. My sis-in-law was totally supportive. She liked my red lace bra!

I'm being much more open about everything. I didn't care if anyone on the train saw, or smelled, me doing my nails.

My mom is getting more accepting. Yesterday she loved teasing me. She was coloring her hair and really rubbed it in my face that I couldn't do it! I quickly responded by whipping out my nail polish for touch up work. She's not up for seeing "Breakfast on Pluto," but is willing to go to "Transamerica."

Right now, though, I must admit I'm a bit lost in life. I let a lot of things get to me over the weekend. I acted a totally fool on the phone. I have no real home, no real life, nothing. My job situation may be improving, though. Sometimes if it wasn't for my kid I wonder why I stick around.

I am moving forward. I'm too strong a person to give in.

Thanks so much for your well wishes. I have a bit of things to do today, one of which may result in some work. Lord knows I could use it.

While I may be TRANSplanted right now, I do continue in the hopes that it will be over soon. If that one freelance job works out they indicated giving me a full-time permanent spot.

Karen Brad mentioned my moving to Detroit and starting over out there. But she knows right now I don't want to be too far from my kid. Yet, if the right opportunity came along, I'd certainly do it.

I am being more and more open. I refused to feel ashamed of who I am. The funny thing about me is that I CAN BE SUCH A DIVA SOMETIMES. That's amazing when you consider all my insecurity issues (many of which caused problems in my marriage). When I was all dolled up at Karen's place - and she will verify this - I kept running to the mirror every 20 minutes to check my hair and makeup. You should have seen how I was checking myself constantly when me and Kendra were having our webcam fun.

My big issue for this week is that I hope to make it to "Breakfast on Pluto." What in the world should I wear?

I find myself doing more and more things these days to show who I am. I am not trying to be over the top, nor rub it in anyone's face. Still, this need for honesty and openness is killing me sometimes.

Things are getting to be unbearable where I live now. Hopefully I'll be working soon and can get out. With the way things are now I could never tell my dad. He'd probably shoot me. As for my friend, the one whose house I moved out of, I spoke with him yesterday. He's actually curious to see these piccies of me of how I look as a woman.

As for my marriage - last night I had a dream about my wife. In part of it she was with some guy. Later in the dream she said he was just a friend. As she told me in real life, I can go date if I want but she has no desire to do so. I ruined her when it comes to men, I guess. Maybe that's a good thing!

The thing is in the dream - without the elaborate details - she asked me to remarry her. The funny thing is in the dream she still wouldn't let me move back home yet.

Here's the issue - do I want to? I would go home if nothing else but to be with my daughter. But do I want to go back? It would mean having to suppress everything once again. In fact, I would bet anything I would be told to sever all my TG ties, like what I did some months back for a brief period.

I'm just finding my way around now.

Thanks, Kayla.

As I wrote, I am finding myself being more and more openly feminine, such as how I walk, hold things (like a ciggie, which I shouldn't have!), where I look in a store when I'm out shopping, etc.

As for my marriage, we will never reconcile. I know that. I'm just working on maintaining a decent relationship. I could never go back to that life of hiding. Beside, I think I look too cute in that wig. Oh, there I go again.

As for telling people, it's going to have to happen sooner or later, especially if I start to formally transition. Some people want me to be dead quiet, and I can't. Those who I haven't told are figuring it out anyway, as I wrote before. Do I care? Do I look like I care? Wait, you can't see me now, can you?