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That irreversible step

  • Meredith Newton
    • Moderator
    • 2463 posts
    January 21, 2006 3:34 PM GMT
    Yesterday was not a good day when it comes to me and my wife. Yes, the divorce will happen eventually, but that's not the big news.

    I told her I am transsexual.

    Now it's out to her. There's no turning back. Hell, what do I have to lose anyway? We're not going to reconcile, and while we do get along a lot these days, I'm still the anti-christ to her.

    I almost told my dad, too. That one I'm waiting on for a few weeks. I don't think he's ready yet.

    I may be Meredith full time sooner than I originally planned.
  • Joni Mari Cruz
    • 1980 posts
    January 21, 2006 4:23 PM GMT
    Hi Meredith-

    I know how hard it must have been for you, it takes a very special sort of courage to acknowledge what we already know in our hearts to be the truth but have kept hidden from others, sometimes even ourselves. Better the truth and honesty and hope for an amicable relationship as friends down the road perhaps, if seperation and divorce are inevitable then better to have everything on the table. Only if both parties know what is going on can any sort of healing begin whether you remain friends or not.

    Good luck to you, Meredith I know what you've gone through in the past year and are still going through. And good luck to your wife also.

    Take good care of yourself.

    Hugs...Joni
  • wendy larsen
    • 2573 posts
    January 21, 2006 4:43 PM GMT
    Mere,
    I think coming out is something like being born. A difficult experience but necessary to start your life. Even if my reception had been a poor one, I would be glad to have it done. I can already see changes in degree in my attitude about how to live my life.

    Whenever we make a major change in our lives we lose something and gain something. As a military brat I learned that over and over. Life goes on. You find new things to live for.
  • Katie Stain
    • 6 posts
    January 21, 2006 4:58 PM GMT
    I can only hope that your courage in telling all that you are a transsexual, means in the long run things will get better. You say that your wife thinks you are anti-christ, just ask her to show where in the New Testiment it says so. Good luck
  • Meredith Newton
    • Moderator
    • 2463 posts
    January 21, 2006 9:20 PM GMT
    I'm sure it's in the Bible somewhere that I am the anti-christ. Hell, being a Buddhist/Hindu/Catholic pretty much qualifies me for that distinction anyhow.

    Thank you all for your well wishes. I do feel liberated. I do feel, for the first time, that I can truly move forward with who I am.

    Thank you all.
    Mere
  • Meredith Newton
    • Moderator
    • 2463 posts
    January 21, 2006 9:34 PM GMT
    I guess I do need to make one thing clear. My wife really is NOT a bad person. She's actually quite fantastic. I really made a mess of things with my under- and unemployment, and being TG didn't do wonders, either. Neither did the reasons for my hospital stay back in August/September (all what I've blogged about before).

    I really wish I could make things better. I'll take all the pain and hurt so she and my daughter can live in peace.
  • Former Member
    January 22, 2006 12:37 AM GMT
    Really I can only echo whats already been said.

    Its not easy telling people sometimes as I've stated ebfore I'm about to telling someone whos really important to me and I'm so scared of losing her.

    Good luck hun :hug:
  • Monika Smith
    • 374 posts
    January 22, 2006 1:37 PM GMT
    Mere, that could not have been very easy for you. Hopefully with time your SO will be more understanding and that you can continue some kind of a relationship with her...at least for the sake of your little daughter. Stay positive hon...and be strong. You'll know when the time is right to let other family members know. We're all here for you.

    Hugs & kisses,

    Monika
  • Former Member
    January 22, 2006 2:19 PM GMT
    Congrats on taking that step. *hugs* I know it's not easy at all, And you stil have more to come out to.....but in the long run will be liberating and you'll be glad it's behind you. All i can refeer to is when I did to family and friends... I was extremely scared of the reactions, but family took it very well if not kinda expected it to a degree i found out later, And lost some friends, kept some... I think the ones i lost over it weren't true friends anyways. The only place i "can't be me" is at work, the job would be over and i need the $$ and the med coverage for all that i'm doing... so holding off on that one until the changes can't be hid anymore. But, the more you're out, the happier you'll be in the end... I wish all the best for you and always around if you need to talk *hugs*

    Valerie xx
  • Mary Grace
    • 1195 posts
    January 22, 2006 3:14 PM GMT
    Mere - as Wendy said things change....to me life is a journey and the journey continues with all its twists and turns. You are responsible for you; your wife (soon to be ex) seems to take care of herself very well....learn from it. Has she put the "anti-christ" label on you or did you do that yourself? Don't get into the self-denigration mode- it's hard to break...you're on your way up - stay with it.
    xxxxxxx
  • Meredith Newton
    • Moderator
    • 2463 posts
    January 23, 2006 5:03 PM GMT
    These days EVERYTHING is my fault. If my kid gets sick that will be my fault, too. Life may be a living hell right now, but at least I can be honest.

    I guess I should clarify one thing, if you never read my profile. I first came out to my wife two years ago as being TG. She just didn't know for sure the full extent of it. Being TG is just one of many reasons why she kicked me out. And, with things being the way they are these days, I will never be returning. She even threatened to withhold visitation with my daughter. She withdrew that threat as losing contact with me would be devastating to my kid. I am a good parent, despite the nasty things being said to me lately.

    After all that's been happening to me these past few months I never thought it could ever get worse. It has. But at least I have TW to fall back on. I may be physically alone, but spiritually I am not.