Meredith I think that’s very well written, I wouldn’t take anything out. I tried to read it from the perspective of one of your friends or family, and was actually quite moved. I think the offer of love should anyone turn their back on you is good, non-aggressive, non-threatening, and heartfelt. My “letter” rambled on for about 4 pages, verbosity doesn’t help! You’ve got the point across in the most tactful and gentle way, well done. Perhaps make the offer to discuss this freely with anyone who wishes to ask questions or whatever. It’s maybe a bit patronising to actually offer “support”, but some of your family may need it. Don’t rush sending it out, especially if there’s any dust to settle on your marital split; people love to find “reasons” for our actions. But well done, hope it goes down ok!
xx

So straight to the point. And it has this rythm...
There's one sentence I especially like: It's already happened.
I guess that, litterally, it's about the following sentence ? But it seems to have this resounding meaning.


Linda

I kind of agree with Sandra (as usual). I would have written the letter in a more optimistic wiring. And I would have said there are plenty of transitioned people around in good positions living a normal and happier life than before. You just don´t recognize them, you only notice those who are either still on the road or have stayed on the side track.
And I would have underlined that you still have friends at your side who are not transsexuals (hope you have!). Just to express clearly that you are accepted by "normal" people and you are not marginalized.

Laura

It does get difficult when you start thinking hard about who you might or will lose when you come out to them. Thinking about it in general, is fairly easy. It gets harder when you ask yourself: "What will it be like to never speak to this person again? ...to never hug or hold them." Well..........I have to live with myself every day. I guess if they don't like me anymore, they never liked the real me. It's going to hurt, but.....this has to end or I will never have MY life. I might consider altering the letter somewhat for each individual, according to my knowledge of them. A little personalization may go a long way to holding on to that individual long enough for them to think who they are giving up, before they do.

I agree that personalizing it could make an important difference. But that also makes me wonder if the letter really is more for some people than for others ?
A year ago I wrote a letter for my father and I know I did that because it really seemed the only way. He is a difficult man to talk to. The letter was quite long and very personal. My main message: I would never have acted the way I have if it weren't for the fact that I am, and always were, his daughter.
I showed it to my therapist. And he advised me not to send it. And in retrospect it makes sense. I did send one letter to my father nearly ten years ago - pointing out the consequences of some of the choices he made on behalf of my sisters and me. And two years ago I found out that he still wanted me to retract and deny it. The way he sees it my one year younger sister and I have simply chosen to live the lives of outsiders. Which is, to say the least, a very simplistic view. I have one younger sister and I know what my support has meant for her. Three years ago she even said that I had been her father in almost every respect.
My mother also wrote my father a letter the year before she left him. She had repeatedly tried to talk to him, but he simply would not admit there were anything to discuss. So, the letter was the last resort.


Linda

Hi Meredith-

Good first draft, as you stated. You know I always support you and consider you a friend, though we have never met and may never get to. There are some things I would like to say, but I'm trying to get my butt along with the rest of me out the door and off to work and I want to have some time to think about what I want to say. I will catch up with you later, I hope you're having a great day and for what it's worth, Meredith, I think you are doing the right thing.

Hugs...Joni

Hi Mere,
1st of all Congratz!

In your revision you may want to ask for some emotional
support as you go through this. It may not be forthcoming,
but you won't know unless you ask.
Who knows, there may be a friend who surprises you.

Hugz,
Michelle Lynn

Mere,

I admire you for your courage in what you are doing.

The letter seemed fine, but, I'm a constant reviser-improver myself, so a few drafts would avoid the "I shoulda said..." syndrome later on.

As for the books, perhaps include a copy of My Husband Betty with the letter?

Good Luck!

Hugs,

Kari

Mere,

I'll have to admit that I didnt read all the repies so if this repeats anyone else then oopsie..

I wouldnt write that you'd understand that you may lose some people and that you would understand if it happened. To me this is like an easy way out for people. Kind of like " well she is cool with it if I dont ever speak to her again and doing that is easier than dealing with anything"

Personally, I think you shouldnt give anyone the option of not dealing with so easily. You are a great and wonderful person and if it means they have to learn more about human nature just by simply being your friend or family member then good. The world could do with some more understanding.

I wouldnt go to heavy on the explaining to much to start with. I gave my mum a whole bunch of info when I told her and she couldnt even look at it for a year............ and my mum is very supportive and understanding.

On the book thing. I gave my Mum a copy of "she's not there" by Jenny Boylan. [probably pretty apt for you as she is a collage proffeser. I dont know if you know the collage, its Colby] The reason I gave her that book is my Mum and Jenny are the same age and think pretty similar. I think you and Jenny have a fair bit in common and people may be able to see she did it and how you are similar. Thats if you still want to do the book thing. I think its to soon for to much infomation though.

Start with what your KNOW your going to do and what you think your plan will be. tell them what you know about yourself and dont use any jargon. We may know the differnece between a cd, ts and a tg is, but they wont and they probably wont for a long time yet.

I think there's some problem with the concept of identity being too abstract for people to grasp. I'm only guessing, but I think they need to be reminded - - from the first day - how this manifests in the way we act. Quite often there's also some answer there to the common question of how we could live on for so long without telling. Like living a "life of the mind"... For quite many transsexuals some special abilities seem to make such a life possible. At great cost.


Linda

Explaining this to certain doctors may not make that much sense though - as they are living too much - and too little ! - a life of the mind to have any clear conception of a "concrete life of the senses"... Muddleheads.

Linda

I know that feeling, Sandra. All of it... it's NOTHING.
I even wrote a poem about it when I broke off my study of architecture in the spring of 1996. The last line went something like this:

Not there - my hand - tracing a dissolving line in the air...

Only weeks left and I could not finish. I felt unreal. Which also meant I had, in some sense, come so close. I asked the examinator to comment on my project anyway. And he said my ideas would have been enough to pass - even without the drawings. Great ideas :....

Linda

I thought of myself as a bird slowly descending.

And those compliments, yes. I know two of my female cousins had some real heartaches... And the friends of my youngest sister. Poor girls... And such a waste...


Linda