Ooooops...

Now it happened. A man I know checked me in the google and found out there information on my old and new names. And since there is only one letter difference, he made his conclusions. Quite a thing, your past, he said. I said I cannot run away from my past. He said it is all right and not his concern, but I felt somehow close to tears. Must I be hanged to my past all the rest of my life?

Laura

Sorry to hear that Laura
But unfortunately our past will always be there to haunt us, in what ever we do or say. love JJ xx

Okay...I´m already the regular brave Laura .

Laura

And when you pass in every situation...it feels so NORMAL, if you allow me to use this word. Not rewarding, but natural. This is the way it should always have been. I can feel a relief, I´m now me, at last. And people see me as I see myself. And you start to wonder why on earth did you play the false male role all these years...

Laura

Actually, YES. And I´m proud that he said that my past is surprising to him. That means, at least, that I passed well in his eyes.

Laura

hi Laura
Ive read lots of your post and you are Laura now so know one needs to know your past its irrelivent (other than those close to you of course) But new people in your life will only ever know you as Laura and thats the way it should be.

remember most people judge a book by its cover.

Oh, Laura, I just want you to know you are one of the people I look up to on this board, you and Sandra. There are many others, as well, don't get me wrong. But I look up to you two and the other girls who have transitioned because you have taken the path I know I never will. I can only imagine how difficult it must be and how rewarding it must be. Perhaps in equal measure, perhaps not.

As far as our pasts, yes, they will always be there. The past shaped us and made us who we are today and continues to do so. But think of it this way, nothing in your past is bad or shameful or anything to hide from. Perhaps you wish you had never been a man and wish you could forget you ever were one, but it made you the person you are today. A person who knows more and understands more than many others can.

Hugs, Joni from Oregon

Hi Laura and Sandra-

Thank you for your points of view. I find the thoughts and feelings of women who are transitioning facinating. For myself, I don't see it as an option, perhaps because I fear stepping through a door that once you go through you can never really go back. If only someone made the "magic pill" that would allow you to be a woman, the same person you are now but with a woman's body, and experience it for a portion of time, say a month or so and then change back and then you could decide. A fortune to be made there.<lol>

Sandra, you make an interesting point about thinking that being a woman all the time would be sexually exciting, for years and years and years when I dressed there was an incredibly strong sexual component to it, it was very arousing and I thought that's just how it is. But, now, now that I'm out as who I am (not full time, but when I can be myself and go out) I don't find it exciting in that way it all. It is exhilirating and wonderful and very satisfying like food when you are hungry or washing when you feel sweaty, something pleasant and fulfilling that fills a need.

Hugs, Joni from Oregon