My mother also felt a little guilty about it, wondering if she made mistakes during the pregnancy.

I just told her that I like being this way, and if she did anything to cause it, that was a good thing.

Heather H.

Well, I've just joined the club of those trannies who have come out to a parent. Last night, I told my mom and showed her some pictures of myself in full makeup. Eventually, she'll see me dressed in person, but this weekend was too early for that. She took it well, and we discussed it quite a bit, but she needs time to absorb it before we discuss it again.

It took me two hours of small talk before I could tell her, and I think that was the most difficult thing I've ever done. Our relationship had not been good for the past several years, and this seems to have brought us much closer. At least that's one less person I have to hide from, but I think there will be more positive things to come from that conversation as we both get comfortable with the idea of her knowing.

Hi Stevie

I'm so pleased for you - from my observations on various sites the reaction from mums seems to be 'Whatever is best to make you happy dear; I will always love you - perhaps we'd better not tell your dad though'

Aren't mothers great.

Misty-eyed Hugs
Annie


..........and don't we miss them when they are gone...........

STEVIE, WHAT A BIG STEP,I'M SURE YOU FEEL MUCH BETTER ,NOW.THEY SAY MOMS ARE THE EASIEST TO COME OUT TO,BECAUSE SECERETLY THEY ALWAYS WANTED DAUGHTERS ANYHOW I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE HARD TO COME OUT TO MY DAD(POSTED IN JAN.)BUT HE TOOK IT BETTER THAN I EXPECTED...I THINK DAD'S FEEL THAT THEY LOST A SON,OR BUDDY,THAT WILL CARRY ON THE FAMILY NAME....AND TAKE IT MUCH HARDER. WELL,GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOM.........PHYLISS-MARIE

Hi Stevie

That is different, but what happens to those friends you leave behind who do want to stay in touch? Even if only through e-mail?

Hugs

Sarah

I hope this brings you closer to her, and I am glad to hear that she was accepting. My own experience shows that support from family and friends is extremely helpful. I hope it works out that way for you.

Heather H.

Hi Stevie

Congratulations. I hope it works out well for you.

Hugs

Sarah

Annie, that's exactly what she said - my father doesn't need to know (even though they're divorced).

She said she worries about me now, especially going out in public, but I've had over twenty years to deal with this, and she had just found out. She seemed to be glad to know that I still date women exclusively, now matter how feminine I am. I suppose that gives her a bit of a "normal" foundation in her mind. She would've worried more about that. Anyway, it really is good to have a family member on the inside.

Thanks for the comments.

Stevie

I think one thing our parents start to think when they learn about us is are they guilty...."Where did we do wrong?"
So, it is important to tell them that this is something you are born with. Your childhood only maybe helps this matter to come out earlier... Well, that´s what the specialists say.

I haven´t told my mother yet. But she´ll take it just as a fact. That´s the way she is.

hugs

Laura

Yes, we went through some of that, but she needed time before we go over it in more detail. I just have to give her time to absorb things and go at her pace. My childhood had little, if anything, to do with it.

hi i know how you must have felt, i felt really stupid as my parents had been waiting for me to tell them, they knew as i was growing up, i am very lucky, we need a bold approach as many girls are hurtting, being in trans youth helps

I don't think my mother would've taken the news as well had I told her earlier, say 10, 15, or 20 years ago (especially 20 years ago, as I was only 16). She didn't really blame herself, but she was trying to answer "why" a lot more than "what." I was really good at explaining "what" and I will continue to be comfortable explaining it more as she's ready. What makes me uncomfortable is trying to explain "why" to her, because it's difficult to understand that myself.

It was the first conversation, and I didn't want to overload her, but I did try to drive home these points for her to think about until next time (I didn't use these exact words, though):

1) I'm not going to change (become a full-time masculine man).

2) I don't want to change. I love being feminine.

3) I don't need to be treated for a sickness because I'm not mentally ill, nor am I suffering. True, I'm not normal in the sense that it's unusual for a male to enjoy being a woman, but I'm not abnormal in the clinical sense of the word. There's nothing wrong with me psychologically, and I'm not doing anything evil or unhealthy. Being different from the majority isn't necessarily a bad thing.

4) In no way does my lifestyle represent failure on anyone's part.

5) I'm not ashamed of myself, and (in my case) I have very little, if any, internal conflict about being a transvestite. My problem is external, in that I live in a culture that doesn't approve of feminine males. If I hide from people to keep my secret, it's not because I'm ashamed or because I have low self-esteem, it's because I know the consequences (socially, financially, physically, & psychologically) of coming out to most people.

6) I'm heterosexual, and I don't want to change my sex (SRS), but I do take hormones to feminize my appearance (and to a small degree, my attitude). We didn't go into much detail on that, though. Besides, that will change as I get more into hormones.

That was enough to get her started, aside from a few little details. For example, she knows that I've had girlfriends who've liked my appearance as a tranny, she knows I keep my entire body shaved and my toenails polished at all times, and she knows I spend my weekends and nights dressed as a woman, unless I'm seeing family or friends who don't know.

I also mentioned to her that, eventually, I want us to reach the point where she's comfortable being with me dressed and behaving as myself when we're alone. Otherwise, she'll never get to know me very well. She knows I'm going to be patient, though.

This is going to be a lengthy process, but at this point, I don't regret telling her at all.

Well done Stevie! I'm glad that your mother took the news so well. You must feel very relieved and I imagine that a lot of stress has been lifted from you.

During my adolescence and early marriage, there were a lot of incidents which must have set the alarm bells ringing with my parents - Like the night I fell asleep wearing bright red lipstick and woke up the next morning with it all over the pillowcase and covers, or during my early marriage when my wife plucked out most of my eyebrows.

My parents died several years ago and I often wonder if they knew that I was transgendered and how they felt about it. Anyway, too late for me now, so treasure your relationship with your parents. Value them while you have the chance!

Hugs

Lisa

I'm not relieved, yet. I'm still nervous. I expect that will pass, though. I'm just so used to keeping things hidden, that it goes against years of self-discipline and habit to actually tell someone, other than a girlfriend.

Wow,

Well done Stevie. I've been a bit busy of late and haven't visited the site that much. So this was quite a surprise.

I came out to my Brother-In-Law and Mother a couple of weeks ago. He was fine about it. She is still taking it in. I'll visit her again soon once my current job ends next week.

I felt that I just had to do it, couldn't stand the secret any more, didn't want her to find out any other way. I've also thinned my eyebrows a little more, and had my beard zapped by laser (just once so far). So felt the changes would be noticeable eventually.

Incidently, I did get the 'guilt' thing and the I dont think you should tell your father (divorced) bit too.

Hopefully, like me you feel a huge weight has been lifted, and feel much better for it.

Luv, Liz

I'm still waiting to see how she reacts to seeing me dressed as a woman in person. Until we've been through that, I can't consider the situation stable. Once she's spent some time with her daughter, I'll probably calm down and get used to the fact that she knows.

Wow Stevie, I'm so impressed. You have much more courage than I.

It took a huge amount of guts for me to tell my girlfriend about my 'gift', when I first met her, but I'm so glad I did as now, several years on, she's become my wife.

It would have been deceitful to have kept it from her and relationships built on deceit are not good.

However, we all start out with this thing as a secret. As children, we do not know what's going on ourselves and by the time we realise the reason why we are different from other kids, we have already been harbouring the secret from our parents, friends and families for a number of years.

That makes it much more difficult. They know us already and have loved us as we are for all of our lives.

Telling them that we are really someone else (although we know she's always been the real us), can be very harrowing for all parties.

Coming out often means shattering their dreams and hurting them, which of course, none of us wants to do.

However, if the compulsion be a member of the opposite sex becomes overwhelming, we will all have to face this decision sooner or later.

Looking at the personal stories in these forums, I think that most who have come out to colleagues, friends and family have felt that a huge burden has been taken away. They have an enormous sense of relief that they no longer have to live a lie and that they are now free to get on with the rest of their lives as the woman they choose to be.

There are exceptions to every rule however, and this is why it is important to consider each case individually.

I know that if I came out to the rest of my family and work colleagues I would then have two further choices.

To either stay within my peer group, knowing that they will be poking fun at me behind my back, and knowing that several members of my family will no longer speak to me because they consider me to be a freak or, to move away and build a life elsewhere with new friends and colleagues who know only the female me and who will therefore be not quite so judgemental.

Both choices are hard but the second would avoid me having to tell family and friends in the first place. That also raises more questions - how do I explain my disappearence to those I leave behind? Do I need to explain? Why not just up and go?

It's very complicated. That's why so far I have always avoided having to come out to those who already know the male me.

I admire you Stevie for telling your mother. As you know, my mother died a few weeks back so I no longer have to worry about telling her.

But I'm sure that wherever she is now, she knows all about me and my gift and I just hope she understands.

Hugs,

Katie

Fantastic step Stevie hon. I wish I could do the same thing with my kids but I just don't feel able to do it -I think they would be ok with it but I acn't risk it.

I think if I went full-time or most of the time, I'd have to move away. There are too many people I'd have to tell if I stayed, and I'd rather just appear to lose touch than deal with disclosing my femininity. Telling Mom was one thing, but the rest of the family would be a problem.

It's much more difficult not having a girlfriend. I miss having that constant one-on-one emotional support.

Hi Katie

I always feel guilty about giving advice on a topic that I've never experienced and, in this case, am unlikely to, but it's never stopped me before

Something you said worried me a bit

"how do I explain my disappearence to those I leave behind? Do I need to explain? Why not just up and go? "

Whatever anyone does I don't think just disappearing is a good idea. We've all seen those news stories of people who just disappear leaving familys distraught. Either they end up with the people being discovered or they successfully disappear but that usually leaves their familys in a terrible state for years. If you care for your family you wouldn't do that.

If you've got to the stage where you are considering one or other of these options then I think you've got to tell because in the worst case you can still then disappear and at least your family would know why.

As for those people who would snigger behind your back, well if they are that sort then they are probably already sniggering about something anyway.

So Katie, be proud and stick your chest out (at least we usually have detachable ones)

Hugs

Sarah

Well, I don't think we're talking about vanishing when we mention disappearing. What I mean (and Katie probably does, too, but I'll let her tell you) is that I would just move away and let everyone know that I moved, but then I wouldn't ever come back to visit. That happens all the time, when friends move and don't stay in touch. Of course, family would be a little tricky.

It's a shame that some trannies have to choose between their old sets of friends and their new lives as themsleves, but that's a cold reality sometimes.

As long as you don't have to see them in person, I guess you could stay in touch that way. You'd need a prepared excuse for not seeing them when they just happen to be traveling to your city for other reasons, though. Of course, if you did anything to alter the sound of your voice, you'd have to avoid telephone contact, too.

In my case, I'd rather have others think I'm a jerk for not wanting to hang out with them anymore than to have them hate me, pity me, etc. because they know I'm a tranny. I know that true friends should accept us as we are, and by going away, I won't be giving them the chances they deserve to prove their friendship, but in most cases, I'd rather not go through with it. I might tell certain individuals, but I wouldn't want to tell the community at large. For those who would see me as Stevie first and a tranny second, it would be nice to bring them along into my future. However, far too many would be unable to think of me that way. They'd wind up avoiding me, and if we're going to avoid contact anyway, I'd rather they didn't know about me. I'd rather be seen as the bad guy who ditched her friends, even though that's not the truth. Better to be a bastard than a freak in the eyes of all your old acquaintances (in my opinion). I know that doesn't sound positive, but it sounds very practical to me, unfortunately. I'll just have to be very selective about who I tell and who I leave behind, if it ever comes to that.