March 1, 2011 7:45 AM GMT
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
March 1, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
"Dear friends, would those of you who know what this is all about please raise your hands? I think if God is dead he laughed himself to death. Because, you see, we live in Eden. Genesis has got it all wrong. We never left the Garden. Look about you. This is paradise. It's hard to find, I, I'll grant you, but it is here. Under our feet, beneath the surface, all around us is everything we want. The earth is shining under the soot. We are all fools. Ha ha. Moriarty has made fools of all of us. But together, you and I, tonight... we'll bring him down."
March 2, 2011 11:28 PM GMT
"Ages three and up! It's on my box! Ages three and up! I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool!"
March 3, 2011 11:00 PM GMT
"I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream; that's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor... and surviving."
March 4, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
"You are different, Tommy. Very different. And I've discovered it isn't only a difference in manner and outward appearances. It's a difference in basic character. The men I know - and I've known dozens of them - oh, they're so nice, so polished, so considerate. Most women like that type. I guess they're afraid of the other kind. I thought I was too, but you're so strong. You don't give, you take. Oh, Tommy, I could love you to death."
March 5, 2011 10:26 PM GMT
"Look, if it's about that time I puked green slime and masturbated with a crucifix, it was my first keg party, Bobby"
March 6, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
"I hope they don't hang you, precious, by that sweet neck. Yes, angel, I'm gonna send you over. The chances are you'll get off with life. That means if you're a good girl, you'll be out in 20 years. I'll be waiting for you. If they hang you, I'll always remember you."
March 7, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
"Money. You know what that is, the stuff you never have enough of. Little green things with George Washington's picture that men slave for, commit crimes for, die for. It's the stuff that has caused more trouble in the world than anything else we ever invented, simply because there's too little of it."
March 8, 2011 10:31 PM GMT
"Don't buy wigs that come off at the wrong time."
March 9, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
"Hello, handsome, is that a ten-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?"
March 10, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
"There may be honor among thieves, but there's none in politicians."
March 11, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
March 12, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
"I'm doomed! And all 'cause Miss Man decides to take her little drag show on the road."
March 13, 2011 5:52 PM GMT
"The way you walked was thorny, through no fault of your own, but as the rain enters the soil, the river enters the sea, so tears run to a predestined end. Your suffering is over, Bela my son. Now you will find peace."
March 14, 2011 8:15 PM GMT
"I caught a big fat bug right in my spider web and now the spider gets to give the bug a big sting. Sting! Sting! Sting! Sting! Sting!"
March 15, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
"Madam, the tunnel lies straight upwards, but there is a big rock in the way and sadly we can't move it. Only a landslide could move it."