Hello All

Some of you may Remember me some of you wont. I have been a member of this site for more years than i want to quote. But not really been an active member for a few years due to rl issues etc.

Anyway Cut a long story short Im now single well seperated at least and decided to restart my journey to forfilling my goals in life and being able to live the way i have always consdered myself to have lived from the day i was born.

Firstly I went to the doctor. Told him with a view to starting some therapy. OK so he was understanding but said The Nhs in this part of the world is skint and wont fund anything like that until theres a change in policy. So basically Because im not about to throw myself under a train because i cant get what i want then its basically try again another time. Ok so I thought Im not big or scary in in shape or form.  I havent even got an adams apple. Ill go it alone and live the life as i would. So i started Electrosis treatment to my face particullay and see where it leads ok i know its gonna take a while but hell ive waited all this time another couple of years aint gonna be so bad. If i really need the Hormones ill self medicate. Yes im a big Girl I do know Its dangerous. But Im old enough not to go silly with it. Not that it gonna lead to an op but at least im doing something that the NHs atm Cant provide. Then maybe in furture Goverment policy will change and treatment will be avaliable for people who aint phychotic ( Not saying anyone is but you know what i mean ) Or maybe ill win the Lottery and run over to the philipines and fund it myself. Fat chance.

Ok so im now living as a woman 99% of the time however as girls who have transistioned in the past there that 1% you need your Male persona Basically just coz it makes life easier. Which led me on to think What a lonely old soul i really am .. Ok so im 45. No Straight out of the box for me.. Got a few miles on the clock. In other words I look like a 45 year old woman and dress and makeup fit for my age. So i decided to try and get myself a Boyfreind. It can be really lonely somenights in front of the tv. I just want someone to cuddle and Dare i say it Love. You know the package. Cook his tea and wash his socks that kinda thing.. Be a good housewife in other words. Easy i thought. I had no real idear what the reality was.

OK so ill admit ive been on a few  dates, Just for a little bit of fun you know. I mean clean fun' Making freinds getting to know people things like that. On the whole ive been really disheartened by the complete expreiance.
One person i wont name any names but just wanted to get in my Knickers and any cost. Told me everything i wanted to hear you know. Anyway As ive said First dates Things like that dont happen unless i really want them to and well he didnt suceed. so Next day he just dumped me like a sack of old Potatoes. It kinda upset me a little bit really. Knowing that this was all i was worth. So anyway i picked myself up and carried on regardless. Which led me onto another date with a guy who was shall we say a little secretive about himself. Anyway we arranged to meet and of course i turned up as i dont let anyone down when ive made plans no matter what has happened in any other parts of my life . Took me like in reality 4 hrs to get ready for this date. OK  il admit until the treatment kicks in completly i still need a fair bit of makeup. And you know what? The dick never even turned up. Left me satnding on a corner for like 30 minutes before i decided he wasnt coming. Since then been absolutly no contact at all With the exeption of a quick email saying im sorry but i couldnt do it. FFS How much would it have taken to let me know this beforehand. so anyway that really made me angry and again quite upset with the whole thing. Then there was the third one. Seemed like a nice fella you know said nice things etc on line. wanted to do this and that, Romantic weekends in paris you know that sort of thing.
Anyway We met up and My entire date lasted 10 minutes. I dont know if he was Married or whatever but it was again another im really sorry but i cant do this. At first i questioned myself. I mean do i look ok. I mean I do  this almost 24/7 and go out and whatever and never have a problem passing if you would use that term. But Im a paranoid person by nature. So of course i started to ask questions about myself. Like Am i fooling myself i look ok you know that kinda thing. I was getting really stressed over it.. Ok I know im No spring chickened dolly bird who walks about only in 6 inch heels with a ton of heavy makeup. I do everyday and occasionally get dolled up for a special night or something like that. But Jesus What do i have to do?

Is a Nice Love to hard to find these days?

We aint all One night standers just out for a bend over and hows ya father.

Anyway Thats my rant done with

I hope some of you can draw from my expreiances and beware of the tribulations and pitfalls of going full time when your alone in this world.

 

Comments or your own views greatly appreicated in this Topic

 

Thanks

 

Racheal

This post was edited by Racheal Mills at July 27, 2012 11:01 AM BST

Hello Rachel,
If you just asked your doctor about maybe "starting some therapy" then maybe that's why he apparently tried to put you off. Maybe the NHS don't fund therapy sessions as such. But if you wish to be referred to a gender clinic for treatment they WILL fund it, they are obliged under law to do so. On my first appointment at Charing Cross they offered me a place in group therapy sessions, I declined. So therapy is on offer in some form if you need it, your GP probably isn't aware of exactly how the gender clinics work.
My point is, if you know what you want, and if you want to live full-time as a woman, then you can and will get financial help from the NHS. If you're unsure about how far you want all this to go then you should maybe seek private therapy first (such as here for example; making friends with people here helped me more than any therapist could).
The NHS simply can't refuse treatment for gender dysphoria, but you first have to be absolutely sure that you want it.
There is no need to self-medicate, or "go it alone". Thousands before you have received funding for treatment and thousands will follow. You can have it too, if you really want it.
xx

Hi Lucy. So nice to see a few of the old school are still around.
Yes maybe i quit to easy. Need to keep bashing on at him. Tell you what It took a lot of guts to Utter those words to a doctor. So at leastr it was out the way and i have only now to push harder. If I dont get any joy then maybe a second opnion.
As i said i am For all but a few purposes full time now. So its only another hurdle to get over.
Btw Your still looking as wonderful as ever. I know your getting younger. Give me some of that fountain of youth Medication.
You wil have to let me know next time your in London . Havent seen you in an must be about what 8 years if not more i guess.
Talk soon
Hugs

Just tell him next time that you would like to be referred to Charing Cross Gender Clinic (he may first refer you to a local psychiatrist). He can't refuse to put you on the waiting list.
When you get there, if you are full time that will go down well with them (whatever the "few purposes" are, get them out of the way).
Oh, and thanks! I AM actually getting older though, you just need to see me up close.
xx

Yes, I agree with Lucy - you need to be more persistent - or change your GP. One member on here was officially refused, but she took the matter up with her MP - and suddenly she was given a referral (that was a few years ago now) but Lucy is quite correct - your GP is not qualified to diagnose GD and has to refer you to a GI clinic if you request it.

The normal pattern is that you will first be referred to a general psychiatrist who will eliminate any other 'conditions' and he will then refer you to the nearest GIC. Once you have been assessed there, your GP will be informed to start the hormone therapy

Carol xx

Here are a few guidelines which it is worth showing your GP if he still remains stubborn

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gender-dysphoria/Pages/Treatment.aspx

http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_089939.pdf

Hi Racheal,

I've got to agree with Carol and Lucy here - as usual. I had a similar problem to you and I changed GPs. OK the first one I went to see at the new practice did look a bit like a rabbit in the headlights when I went to her the first time to raise this but she did refer me to the GIC via a psychiatrist at our local Community Mental Health Team. My mjor bugbear with the process is the waiting times at some GICs - the nearest to me is about 18 months - and the fact that there is no other support available from the NHS to help folk during this time. As for the problems you've been having with meeting men who are decent - well I've had a few similar experiences myself and when I mentioned these to a close friend who's a cis woman she said, 'Sorry but welcome to our world.'

Yes i got to change my Gp anyway Mainly because its like an hour and a half bus ride to see him. I dont live in the same area anymore. I think im gonna have to do some homework on my local choices. See if any of them have had expriances in the past with Us girls. And go from there.

Whenever I have had to change GPs in the past, I have never 'signed on' with them first, I always interview them and then choose one that I know is undersatnding and knowledgeable.

Hi Racheal. With regard to your other point in this post, that of disappointment with let downs and men seeing you as a walking sex object. I have had exactly those experiences in the past. Guys who tell you everything you want to hear and either use you for a night and then disappear or as you say do not even turn up. That said I have had some wonderful men in my life before I met my partner and soul mate. Do not be disheartened sweetheart, when you least expect it someone might come into your life who will love you and be proud to be see with you. I know if I was a man I would, you are lovely. There was a time when I thought love did not exist and that I would die alone. Now I wake up every morning and look at my partner sleeping next to me and am contended and cannot imagine being alone. Stay strong darling lots of love Alison xx

This post was edited by Former Member at August 19, 2012 3:18 PM BST

Thanks Alison For your wise words. sent you a freind request .. please accept
Hugs Racheal

Ohh I forgot all about this, Well it was 2012.

 

Just letting you all know. I found someone. I have a partner and we now live together. I am very happy and hope it contiues for the rest of my days.

I got my dream. I now cook dinners and wash socks. But hey. everyone has a diffrent perspective.

As far as the transition goes. I now obviously live fulltime and have done for over a year. Very Stelth  Im a kept woman so i dont really need to work other than in house but i do try and earn some pocket money. Buying and selling on Amazon.

 

So. I was feeling like crap in 2012 but 2015 was my year

 

Hope you all get your dream someday.

 

Rach