Iam Nithin.Iam not a transgender and I really see myself as a BOY.But I dont know why,I use to crossdress like females and wear all the possibles to look like a girl.I really use to wear eveything that a girl wear like makeups,innerwears,bottoms,tights(pants/shirts),frocks,skirts,sari,cup-stuffs,and all that gives me a female shape and curves.And after the crossdressing & thrills,I realise that,Iam a boy and I shouldn't be doing this.And I takes everything off.Sometimes I wear just the bra inside my usual homewears.Sometimes I wear a bra on outings inside my shirt and,And I also make sure its fit and match the colour of my dress,and I really love long hair which are instincts of a girl,unfortunately I had to cut down my long hair.I always make sure that bra doesn't produce any visible shades over/behind my shirt.Even wearing bra I'd take a look at all sexy girls around me.I exercise hard to get a hourglass waist.And I do believe that I have a nice waist on comparison with other boys around me.I play football(soccer),cricket,sprint,works out at gym. But its just that,Im not a girl and Im a boy who awaits to be a man.But the majority of my time Iam dressed as a boy.I never felt like Im a girl trapped inside a male body.Yeah I have feelings like,What if I was born as a girl,then I won't be stopped by anyone from wearing these things.I have a lot of male friends and female friends.Im drawn towards females as a part of male-human chemistry.Like every other boys I also try to impress all the girls around me,I shave my beard,Iam very destructive rough at times.And all these are male instincts.I have a girl friend and I know how she feel about me.I know that I can't possibly continue crossdressing being a man.I really don't know what is going on with me,if you were me would you possi bly do.Please help,and if possible I do want to get out of this maze.I request you to try and help me out.PLEASE!

hello, Nithin.  Having read and reread your post, I am fairly sure that you are at a point in your life where you really do need professional help from a therapist.  It looks as if you are very very confused, anxious and possibly guilty about your cross-dressing.  First of all, let me say that these feelings are very natural and completely normal.

 

 

 

I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

 

I am not suggesting this because there is anything wrong with you, only because  talking to a person who will not judge you in a safe and confidential situation will help you clarify what you really want, and just as importantly, how to get there.

 

CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.  

 

These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them.  We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.  

 

If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,

the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful.  The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.  

 

Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.   

 

Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates.  Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change. 

 

Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.  

 

Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx

 

If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm

 

Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.

Best wishes, Amanda.