February 11, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
***WARNING!!! THIS POST GETS A BIT EXPLICIT!!!***
Sammi--
Wow.
What an opportunity you have before you--I could make a comment like "you can be like many women and fake it", but that really doesn't solve the issue.
Or, does it?
Perhaps you need to simply do it, for the sake of doing it. What I mean is, I have little desire for my SO sexually (and vice versa), for a number of reasons. Hers is hormonal; she lacks certain hormones and therefore has the sex drive of a panda. You know--sex about once a year or so is about right for her.
Mine is also due to hormones; I am only on estrogen (6-7.5g/day, depending on the day) but due to my physiology that has been enough to handle what I want/need from hormones. That has, however, reduced my sex drive to wanting it once every 7-10 days, instead 7-10 times daily, if that. So, there's an issue.
What we've done is simply to acknowledge that lack of sex, and try to find intimacy in other ways. Sometimes it's foreplay (I can't tell you the last time we had actual intercourse; I
can tell you it's been years and predates my starting hormones), sometimes it's cuddling, and sometimes....it's dinner out. It's walking hand in hand. It's spending the evening "unplugged" from everything...or, we'll watch CSI or sports together. (Which for me is love because I don't care for mysteries and "Football fields are for Band Practice.")
Sometimes it's taking pictures of the ocean or mountains or waterfalls together.
The fact that you care enough to post this says there is a certain desire there. I'd say do something--anything!--to show you still find your partner desirable. Touch your partner, even if the desire just isn't there. (I do that at times, when I have no desire.)
We also have a code phrase: If one partner says "I'm playful" (usually her), then I make an effort--regardless of how feeling I am or how tired I am--to honor that for her, and do my dead level best to bring her to climax at least once...and try to return her fervor by climaxing myself.
Would this work for everybody? I can't tell you that. I
can[/] tell you it works for us.
I hope this helps in some small way.
Luv 'n hugs,
Dr. Mina Sakura 
February 11, 2009 3:46 AM GMT
I'm not sure why you are so eager to get the orchi because most SRS docs would prefer you not to, the scrotum tissue is important for the surgery. But with that said I can relate to not wanting that poison in my body. I'm a lot like Mina in that my libido for actual sex is non existant but I take pleasure in other ways spending time with my wife.. I'm not sure what anti androgen you are on but I happen to use Casodex which is bicalutamide and doesn't work the same way as anti androgens such as spiro so you can still have erections, takes awhile, and for me I find them somewhat painful. The thing is the estradiol alone is enough to knock down the libido. I'm not sure what you are thinking increasing in a more feminine way is because many women will tell you they don't have much of a libido to start with. Bottomline is everyone is different. I don't think even a doctor would be able to tell you whether or not your libido would be any different if you had an orchi. Another possibility is discussing dropping the anti androgen altogether with your doctor. Many gals only use estradiol so you might want to ask your doctor about that. I hope you find what you are after.
Hugs,
Marsha
February 11, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
WARNING! Graphic Personal Information
Dear Minako,
OMG Thank you, I sit here trying to hold back the tears. Its just so good to hear that it really isn't "Just Me" and to hear of someone else's similiar problems. Finally the tears break and someone knows how I am feeling and hasn't just brushed this issue aside. Maybe even some empathy and understanding.
I love my partner so incredibly, the attraction to her has never been an issue, I try to hold her as often as I can, I shower her with my affection and love yet I still see that desire in her eyes, the disbelief in my love, the insecurity in herself and within me. I want to be with this woman for the rest of my life, but on more than one occassion my inability to show any kind of sexual activity has caused problems between us. I know that I want this woman (sexually) but it just isnt there within me. We used to have incredible love making sessions, and I want that desire back but no matter what we have tried we seem to be doomed to fail. I can say that Lisa my partner is a complete novice to sex and even fears it in some ways, she was married but it was never consensual, On the other side of the coin I'm no novice to sex at all, having worked in the sex industry for many years (most not by choice), yet I too have such a fear of sex that I find it actually stops me from reaching out at times, I'd rather pretend Im asleep than have to even have fopeplay. It just doesn't seem to exist in me......towads ANY kind of sexual activity with any one
The mere thought of it turns my mind off.
I have stopped my anti depressents, my immuno suppressants, all of the medications except my hormones 200mg Sprironolactone AND 100mg Androcur (Both anti androgens), 20mg Duphaston a day (Progesterone) and 8mg of progynova a day (eostragen) I want to stop the androcur and see if makes a difference but then I fear that I am losing myself and giving in. Is it wrong NOT to want to have a sexual relationship, is it really a relatioship then?
currently I sit on a tentative hook and the future sees a fall, my thoughts are always bad, very bad, I live from moment to moment never knowing.......Is this really living?
Hugs
Sammi
February 11, 2009 8:28 AM GMT
I've done some research into "hormones" and it seems to me that your hormone regime is massively over the top, Most girls take only one anti androgen, 100mg spiro (one tablet) or 100mg androcur (two tablets) per day, also 2mg of Progynova per day is recommended. Progesteron (duphaston) is considered to have no effect in transsexuals.
I know many ts's self medicate and take higher doses than this, I suspect you are self medicating too, please cut down immediatly as these doses pose a serious health risk.
I'm not an expert, so go and talk to one.
Huggles
Becca
February 12, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
dear Marsha Anne
There are a number of reasons that an orchidectomy has become so important within my transition, first and formost is the fact that my full sex affirmation surgery is many years off let alone at all, I know and realise that most surgeons prefer the scrotum not being touched in regard to surgery as it is vital in the healing process but I am wondering if you now know that Dr Suporn WATANYUSAKUL has actually brought out very strict guidlines in regards to having an orchidectomy before SAS. The second reason that I seek to have the orchi is the fact of the constant pain and sweling with that area of my body esp while tucked, Ive actually had a testicle swell so much while it was tucked that it refused to drop again for almost a week. This is just two of the reasons that are within the mix of things atm. You mentioned stopping the anti androgens, wouldn't my body slowely begin changing back to that of a male, wouldnt I then begin having erections (which are not wanted at all) again? Im not a girl who is impressed with living in both worlds, I only want to live in one
regards
Sammi
February 12, 2009 4:16 PM GMT
Hi rebecca
Thank you for your advice sweetie, every word helps at the moment while Im trying to figure all of this out. First and foremost I would like to say straight out that NO I DO NOT self medicate! Originally they began me on 200mg of spiro AND 200mg of androcur. I have chronic acute liver disease and getting my hormoes right and balanced is vital for my good health. Originally they began me on that dose and almost imeadiately my liver began to pack in again (I have had liver failure twice in the past) My LFT's went through the roof and they couldnt figue out just what was going on. 18 months after I began my mones and after they had given me two years to live we all clicked that the problem was the "double up" of the anti androgens. We stopped the androcur immeadiately and the reaction was almost as simlitanious, my LFT's came back to a normal function and they now told me I was going to have a few more years to live yet.
It was my endocrinologist who began me back on the lower dose of androcur and also raised my eostragen levels to 8mg a day. It was also him who I spoke to in regards to the duphaston and in contradiction to what you say the duphaston actually helps to improve breast growth within TS girls, I have gone from a natural "a cup" to an almost full "c cup" because of the duphaston alone.
Just for the record, I have run many TG chat sites, websites, counselling sites and even started the ony transsexual network that WA has today and I have never once abdicated that anyone self medicate and have always stated how dangerous this practice is.
Warmest regards
Sammi
February 12, 2009 4:26 PM GMT
I am fully aware that should any gal need an orchi, Suporn and others recommend a specific method as to not create scar tissue in a needed area. As for tucking, that is an individual thing and I find at least for me after being on hormones for 4 years tucking isn't needed. For that matter, not everyone can tuck their testicles up into the body cavity, so the swelling could just be your body saying, DON'T. Many here have already responded that anti-androgens are not always necessary and that there are also different types when used at proper dosages provide effective control of testosterone in the body.
The bottom-line is you are obviously experiencing issues related to an unbalanced hormone program. Each of us is different and it is important to understand what works for me or any other gal here is not necessarily the right regimen for you. As others already have here, I urge you to see a doctor who can work out a hormone program to meet your needs.
Hugs,
Marsha
February 11, 2009 10:40 PM GMT
Re. Rebecca’s post:
There are many opinions on suitable hormone dosages. What is not advisable is to listen to only one.
I don’t think 8mg of estradiol is necessarily “over the top”. 2mg is unlikely to give satisfactory results for many, probably most TS’s post-puberty. I don’t know who is recommending that dose, it might work for some, it is certainly not enough for me.
Progesterone may be considered by some to have no use for TS’s, I disagree, I can see and feel the difference it has made to me. Duphaston is not progesterone, it is a progestogen – a synthetic hormone which is similar to progesterone. From what I understand it is just about the only progestogen which is OK to be used for TS feminisation. Others such as Provera should be avoided at all costs as they have several bad side-effects and do not have the benefits that natural progesterone does. Micronised progesterone is the only “real” progesterone, ie it is bio-identical to human progesterone.
I do agree with Rebecca’s point about anti-androgens…
Samantha, you do not need to take both Spiro and Androcur. In fact after so many years on them and especially at your age you do not need to, and should not take either of them. Both, in different ways are rather “serious” drugs carrying risks and side-effects. Discontinue the use of both of these. You are putting yourself at extreme and totally unnecessary risk.
At your age (mine too) T-count is reasonably low. Even a low dose of estradiol will lower levels even further such that they will be almost unmeasurable. On 8mg a day you need not worry about testosterone at all, but of course your libido is likely to be affected without it.
After 5 years on Androcur it is hardly surprising is it?!
But from your last post it’s clear there is more to it than that. The most important sex organ in the body is the brain, and you obviously have other issues going on, which I’m not sure even Viagra would solve!
You should be aware that an orchidectomy is not going to help the situation. Maybe you might find your libido will improve post SRS once you are more comfortable with your body, and it is correctly aligned with your mind.
But all those anti-androgens and/or an orchie will more than likely be detrimental in the long run. Save your money, and put forward your SRS date, if you are sure that is what you want.
xx
February 12, 2009 12:47 PM GMT
Hope you don't mind but I've moved this thread into the Hormone City forum, which I think would be a more appropriate home for it.
Hugs,
Katie x
February 12, 2009 6:32 PM GMT
Samantha,
In your first post you’re asking about getting back some sexual desire, and in your latest post you are adamant that you don’t want sexual function to return.
You simply can’t have it both ways!
Regardless of all that, the fact that you have suffered from acute chronic liver disease makes the point that several of us have made even more important. You absolutely should not be taking Androcur or Spiro with such a dangerous health condition, even if your tests are now clear. The fact that you take both, in ANY dosage is total insanity. Please stop taking these anti-androgens, or none of this will matter at all because you will be dead.
The type of estradiol that you take is relatively harmless to the liver, and you will find, as I did, that this alone will keep your testosterone level right down. My T-count was lower than the average female while I was pre-op, without the use of anti-androgens.
I wish I could convince you to stop obsessing about having an orchie, it’s going to make no difference to your well-being, may be detrimental to your SRS results (even with Suporn – my surgeon), and is an extreme and expensive measure to take when wearing full skirts might be a simpler solution!
I wore jeans without tucking, I used one of those “flattener” things which I’m sure could be easily improvised, not a proper (ie expensive) “gaff”. It wasn’t at all uncomfortable, but quite effective.
Try and look ahead to the long term. Being post-op is wonderful and I now look forward to the rest of my life with relish. Don’t ruin your chances of a good outcome by having unnecessary operations, or risk your life with drugs you simply don’t need.
Like I said, save your money and have SRS just that little bit sooner instead.
xx
