Although parts of my life have been in the media I have never told anyone about that day in full . I still cannot here it would take to long as it was a long day but here are the main parts.

This was an easy thing for me to do because I had come to a point where if I could not be myself I was going to end it all. I had indeed planned it all (The suicide) I had drafted an email to a person I knew would not recieve until I was dead . It just said . Hi #### Please get someone to get my body out of here , Thank you for everything goodbye and look after yourself.

That email never got sent because I decided to see my doctor and give myself a chance for some happiness , the only way to do that was to become myself , not that unsociable old git I was living that lie.

I woke up that Morning with everything planned! The last few remaining male related items were in the wheelie bin awaiting the truck to empty them into the back and drive off to landfill. It came and I watched now there is no turning back , if I wanted to leave my home I was going to have to as a female. Living in a small village at the time with a population of only 1000 people for 6 years yes everyone knew me (4 years male 2 years female) .

I had no intention of waiting untill I ran out of food before leaving my home or anything else I needed to do so , I just put on my make up and got dressed and walked out of my door with my head held high.

Taking into consideration that the 4 years before to everyone I was male but the next day I was Female this is what happened next.

I walked out of my door to the local shops , did I need anything? Cannot remember but I did need to let everyone see me because this was me and was going to always be from now on.

My life was about to change , people who talked to me before stopped talking to me! They crossed the road to avoid me , can the people who work in the shops stop talking to me? Well they had to serve me but there was me in my jeans top and heels with make up on . The reaction was quite strange I suppose , numb is the only word I can think of , I got a thank you but it ended there , no how are you today or have you seen who ever lately ect just a plain Thank you (its in the job discription I guess).

So people crossed roads to avoid me! Hold on I can cross roads and I did , I kept telling myself over and over you will talk to me you ignorant shits. It took time and determination but it worked. Eventually they could see this was no joke and they could see I was happy , I was no longer the unsociable old male git I was me. I went to my local pub and I talked to people and they talked back , within about 4 weeks I had been accepted for who I was not what I was and He was a thing of the past.

I decided to leave that small village to a more populated area , the locals actually said do you really have to go? They actually wanted me to stay there. I did have to go and it was a sad day as they were not bad people just ignorant of the subject of being Transexual but they learnt from me. My local doctors gave me cards and flowers and others in the village did too.

So was it easy? To me yes because if I had not done it that email would have been sent that is a fact.

I have a song in my head for every reason , I love music that makes sense or touches me or others. The following words are part of a song that to many is confusing. No it is just life that gets confusing sometimes.

That day what a marvelous mess but it is all I can do I'm done to be me ,

sad scared small and alone to be beautiful but its supposed to be like this

I accept everything its supposed to be like this.

We are all the same but no one thinks so.

(Don't think the beautiful bit relates to me but its in the song)

That is just a part of it! The whole song makes sense and her being ignored in the video and being knocked about "All makes sense"

http://www.youtube.com/embed/1e2_MvwLTI8 . That day . Natalie Imbruglia.

What ever way you chose or choose to do it I done it my way and it worked.

Take care all and good luck , Julia x