Hi Julia-

While your comparison of ourselves to genetic women who also have problems has a lot of merit, the approach simply does not fit into my mentality.  I get no solace or better understanding by observing that someone else with problems might make my own less consequential.  I prefer to look at my own existence in a more isolated sense.  When I started this I had little resemblence to a female.  My approach was to study, observe other females and work on myself. I almost pass but not quite. But i am still working and the goal is attainable and in  near sight. Everyone has problems, men and women.  I recomend that we identify our problems and an alert mind will find a resolution.  The enjoyable part is that we see progress in getting where we want to be through our own internal mechanisms. Mix in a bit of joy and optimism ,and we can walk down the street with a smile on our faces and a glow in our hearts.

 

Best to you.

 

Jacqueline

Hi Jacqueline.

 

Yes it does hold a lot of merit , it was an insight of having to spend 3 months in a womans homeless unit after I was removed from my home by the police for my own safety.

In those 3 months I made a lot of friends and also got to see how cruel men can be to women. We as Trans women do not have it easy but by comparison females do take some sh*t in life. The rape figures are much higher percentage wise , the abuse figures are too , far much higher. Both are under reported too.

 

I do like your outlook on life and I hope it inspires others to become who they truly are however long it takes .

 

Take care , Julia x

I should just add. After being in an ambulance on Friday evening I was asked the normal questions when I came round .

Are you taking any drugs ect , I told them there is a repeat prescription in my bag that lists them. Then comes that question , are you or do you think you maybe pregnant? That is followed by a giggle by myself. 57 This year and Transexual??. The presciption states my date of birth and my name , Miss Julia Ford , followed by my address. He has a screen in front of him and as far as I am aware it has a marker in the top right hand corner , that marker states gender at birth. As for the topic! Am I convincing? I still doubt it and still ask who do I have to convince that I am myself?.

 

Take care , Julia x.

Not to stray too far off topic, but your story reminds me of another girl who recently shared a somewhat similar one. She was visiting her doctor's office to have an issue with her hormone levels checked out. Looking over her blood work, she was asked about how her periods had been and she responded that she didn't have them. "Why not?" was the next question, and "I don't have a uterus" the answer. Passing as female is great, but not so much in a scenario such as this. If it wasn't so sad and shocking, it might be funny.

Hi all : )
"I recommend that we identify our problems and an alert mind will find a resolution." (See post above)
Problem:
-born and raised male
-want to pass as female, so as to be accepted and treated as one
-male body measures approximately 6'5" and well over 200 lbs.
Is there a mind anywhere on earth alert or sharp enough to solve that problem? Yes, there are genetic females that tall and even taller, and some of them are quite beautiful. But I guess it means either giving up entirely or accepting what will never happen and learning to accept oneself for who she is, as she is but that often seems a lousy compromise, not a resolution. Does anyone think that a male bodied person of that size could ever pass? Please don't see this as just me whining again. I'm trying and slowly learning to accept my female self, and I'm not, at least at this point distraught by all this. Just saying. Exploration and discovery are ongoing...
: )
This post was edited by M G at March 31, 2014 5:40 PM BST

And it is a good recommendation Madeleine. You have to remember that genetic females today come in all shapes and sizes. I think there is something in the water.

I am out of this topic now untill I see an ignorant comment that puts "anyone" down for being who they are , passable or not we are all equal in our own minds .

Screwed up minds please stay out of it , you have been warned. No coming here and taking the piss.

I need food! Doctors orders .

 

Take care , Julia x

One thing I have to say.......Passing or being convincing in public is not the end of the world. It stands to reason that location and your ouwn desires come to play. Play them accordingly until the day when it no longer matters......:)

I'm slowly coming towards that view Chrissy, thanks. Of course, the more people accept us, the easier it is for us to accept ourselves, passable or not. The idea of a day when it no longer matters is very appealing. I see two ways that can happen. 1) a new level of self acceptance 2) a new level of societal acceptance ...now wouldn't that be amazing! : )

I love this thread......! Anytime people begin talking open and honestly about being a girl in the grand scheme of things I get excited. I mean to have a place to come and talk like this is just incredible......Thanks Katie, your the best bitch ever.....Giggles.

I don't know what to say......I agree with everyone......Kinda wierd dontcha think.......:) 

I know I said I would stay out of this but I need to say something in response to Chrissy and Madeleine , and for anyone else that reads this. Passing or convincing is not the main point in this , it was just a title I put up for discussion.

 

We live in a changing world and I have said before that we "Transgenders" Are the slowest evolving species on this planet. Who is to blame for that? We could say it is us or we could blame the rest of the human race for not accepting us. Now think about this! How can we expect the rest of the human race to accept us "All" If most hide away?. I know its going to be , that is easy for me to say again but it is true . LGBT LGBT LGBT LGBT! Why do we come last in those 4 letters? Because that is where we stand in society , we come last. So why do we come last? Because to most we are unknown , we are here though. When the day comes that we are "All" accepted wil be the day we all walk out of the doors and say "I am me get over it" .

 

Believe my I am far from special but I and others done it . The difference between us and LGB is we are visible , Gay Bi or Lesbian can be hidden and is hidden , our lives are out on show. Now if all trans people decided to just say Sh*t to the world i will do as i please then , and only then will "all" trans people become more a part of society and eventually gain acceptance.

It cannot be done over night but at this rate of evolving I will be long gone from this world , I will never see it and I truly want to. Life is for living not hiding away in shame. No person on this earth should be made to hide because of who they are. That means by society and and narrow minds that , do not and never will understand untill they are made to , only we can change that , no government will do it for us it is really down to us full stop.

 

Take care .

 

Julia x

Julia,
The "I am me, get over it" attitude is one that I am slowly becoming more comfortable with. So long as not hurting anyone of course, I couldn't agree more that no one should feel shame or guilt or a need to hide who they are nor should anyone feel a need to convince anyone else of who they are.
Let me add...The day we are ALL accepted will be the day we ALL realize that despite our differences, we will always have far more in common, our differences in fact make us stronger, and where differences that seem too far apart may exist, we'll be able to answer a few questions like this: "What does it matter?" (it doesn't) "Who is it hurting?" (no one) "Why is it any of anyone else's business?" (it isn't) "What good does hate and discrimination do? (none) "How much more can we accomplish by accepting and supporting one another?" (there's no limit!) and "Is life too short to not accept one another?" (hec yes it is! in the grand scheme of things, this is all sooo insignificant!)
The day we are ALL accepted is one you want but fear you won't see in your lifetime? Like so many, I want it too, and also doubt it will come in my lifetime. But you know what? You can get a sneak peak! I see previews of this world we want all the time. There are certainly places that you can see evidence that it's coming, slowly but surely. Here are some examples:
1) this website
2) local support groups
(Now, wait a minute! Of course we can be accepted in those places! How 'bout some examples from the rest of the world?) Okay..
3) I already mentioned this in one of your threads, but a waitress once complimented my purse, said she wanted one like it too! No big deal, I know, but she reached out to say something kind to me, and no one was making her.
4) I'm privy to a mailing list and various other resources (including here at GS) where girls (and FtM's) often post what I call "feel good stories". Quite similar to your "something good happened to me thread". These stories often provide accounts of wonderful experiences girls have had out and about in the world where they have been accepted! Some really amazing and inspirational stories are out there. I'm sure you must've heard many of them yourself, but maybe hadn't thought of them quite like this before?
5) I've posted this before too. While it's in reference to a gay man and not a trans person I think it easily could've been. Listen to what is being said, by whom, and to whom. I think it gives hope as to how the world is changing and where it's headed, for ALL of us... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pjc6QlIdGg4
You're right Julia, we do live in a changing world : )
Hugz,
Madeleine

That is the First time I have seen that video Madeleine so Thank you.

I have always said and always will that , being yourself is the most natural thing in the world. That is what this is all about , just being yourself and , if that is a crime then we all plead guilty.

I just created an unofficial award for you based on my opinion. Sorry my HD one would not load as a full image so I just done another one of lower quality.

Maybe GS could do this in an official way every month via a vote?  . It would give others more reason to join in and also boost confidence , just a thought..

Hugz , Julia

This post was edited by Former Member at August 31, 2014 3:08 PM BST

Julia, omg girl I don't know what to say, thank you!
: )

That is ok Madeleine now here is the but , it is just my own opinion and was just an idea. My opinion may not count for much here but , believe me it is genuine and based on what I have observed  recently. I will start a new topic about this and my observations , this is the wrong thread really.

 

My opinion is you deserve some recognition for your input , Take care .

 

Julia : )

Nice one, Julia!  What a lovely thought.

Hi Amanda.

Thank you but as I said it is just my opinion . Madeleine has not just come here looking only to find answers for herself but has also shown that she cares , not just about herself but others too , hence the big heart.

In this link you will see the opposite.

 

http://gendersociety.com/forums/topic/9534/help-i-can-t-handle-being-trans

 

I cannot get my head around why anyone would want to pretend to be going through what Madeleine or others here are and have been , it is beyond me. This person in the link is either 12 years old or , just some stupid big fat hairy man sitting there taking the piss. I still say just looking at the time difference between the posts I pointed out that if this person is trans then I truly am Paris Hilton , Trans yes but only trans-parant. Yes they need help but of a different kind. If anyone clicks the link in the final post by myself from the link above it is clear to see. Within 3 minutes total change. The profile says "Hi i am trans" That is it! Wow 4 whole words . Sorry if I insulted any 12 year olds

 

Take care , x

This post was edited by Former Member at January 25, 2015 7:55 PM GMT

Irrespective of whether one is a TG female or a natural genetic female, my point of view is that I want to put in the work to become a slim, shapely, attractive female with even a pretty face, perhaps even glamorous (I too can dream). It may never happen and I may never be totally passable. However, I want to point out that most (70%) genetic females want to be considered attractive, and they do a lot of work to become such. They too feel bad when others do not consider them as attractive, sometimes leading to depression.  This is life for all genders, and whether I look great as a woman or not I will be pleased with who I am and will freely walk on any avenue, but I will continue to try to improve---just for myself.

 

Jacqueline

I'm on fetlife lately, and have posted my gender as "GQ"; despite this, I get a lot of messages from oblivious men who either don't read anything about me, or don't care. All I have is a few innocent pictures, and that seems to be enough information for these people. I don't know if that means I'm "passable" or "convincing," but when they start in with a lot of dirty talk, the first thing they mention is my presumed genitalia.

 

I don't have a ton of "real world" experience, but on the days I do decide to dress up--and even on some of the days I don't-- I get called "miss" or "ma'am" a lot.

 

That being said, I'm horribly insecure.

Irrespective of whether one is a TG female or a natural genetic female, my point of view is that I want to put in the work to become a slim, shapely, attractive female with even a pretty face, perhaps even glamorous (I too can dream). It may never happen and I may never be totally passable. However, I want to point out that most (70%) genetic females want to be considered attractive, and they do a lot of work to become such. They too feel bad when others do not consider them as attractive, sometimes leading to depression.  This is life for all genders, and whether I look great as a woman or not I will be pleased with who I am and will freely walk on any avenue, but I will continue to try to improve---just for myself.   Jacqueline

Madeline (you are so lovely, inside and out)-

A few post above you asked the question how a 6'-5" person weiging over 200 pounds could ever be attractive and passable. I think you answered your own question. Both of us have seen such genetic females walking around and many of them are exceptionally attractive. Indeed, they are noticed andscrutinized more than other females. It has been my observation that tall females pay more attention to personal beauty than the average female.

 

Rome was not built in a day. Keep up the questions and progress; and you will be glamorous oneday.

 

Big Hugs.  Jacqueline

 

Thank you sooo much Jacqueline : )
That's very kind of you.
I think that kind of encouragement just might be starting to sink in : )

It's hard to beat a subject to death when there are so many people involed. Finding happiness in your own skin isn't always easy. It is doable though with a lot of thought and like Julia said......

"So if most genetic females are not happy in their skins then why should we bother about ours?"

It's hard to agree with that all the time Julia. There are times when all the thought in the world doesn't make anything right at the end of the day. Passing is different and as individual as what drives us to be who we are. Best most can do is find something in between that won't offend everyone on the planet.  

This post was edited by Former Member at August 31, 2014 3:17 PM BST

After reading Chrissy's blog thingy thing today I think I should explain a few things about myself and why I think of things like this.

I started this thread after going through some old letters , those letters are from doctors and the gender clinic ect.

The one that says Julia is confident and convincing in her gender role so i am dicharging her is what made me think , plus others talk on certain websites that word comes up a lot , well far to much.

 

So I am just plain me , yes I am confident and the old me was the opposite , I was unsociable and unhappy. The day I changed then my future changed . The thing in my eyes has always been , I did not care what anyone thought of me , it was my life and I decided to live it. Yes it was hard to start but it became very easy. I have never hidden the fact I was born a male and still have no wish to , it is who I am now that matters.

 

This is really all about education , nothing more or nothing less. I enjoy talking about my life to other people , whether that be one person or a few or 100s , the more that know then the more who learn that I am a human being and I do feel things just like others do.

So I started some research years ago , after going through what I did I wanted to find the suicide rates here in the UK. They did not exist! I tried everyway I could to find them but they were just not there. So as I knew a few that had taken their lives because of being trans I just searched and searched , it took me about 3 months and one by one I added them up. Every time I found one they were put on my list. After 3 months I found 97 for the year 2008/9. They were just the ones I could find and , the youngest was just 10 years old and most had not reached their 19th birthday. I needed to try to put a stop to it , they were innocent people who had done nothing wrong.

 

So one day I walked into my local newspaper office and asked if they could do an article about it. The answer I had was why? I explained they are mostly just children or young adults , I still got the reply but why? I then asked if those young people had been killed in a plane or bus crash would you print it? Yes was the reply , I asked then please tell me what is the difference? Ok i get the message he replied come through to my office. He agreed to run the story but only if he could use me as an example , of course I agreed and the story was printed. From that day I have devoted most my life helping others. Not just trans people but anyone who would listen to me just letting them know that I care. To this day I have knowingly saved 3 lives , that is not many but to me it has been worth it.

 

I use my natural voice , it is not deep and although I can change it I never do and have no need to , I have no shame in myself because I have no reason to be . Everyone knows I am Transexual and if they do not I will make them aware of it.

I know it is hard for others and easy for a few but it is the only thing that keeps me going. I am not an activist but I am very active in what I do , I teach people.

I teach people that we are not strange or different we are just who we are , it is not our fault.

 

Am I convincing? I really do not care because I say again , I do not have to convince anyone I am me and proud of it.

 

I hope that makes sense because I have just written this as it comes from me head , it is how I always do it , no script I just let it out. I need to let it out because one day I may find out I have saved another life , that is what makes me tick. I want nothing in return except respect just as I respect the general public.

 

Shut up Julia.

 

Take care xx

Seems to me a lot of women get hung up on this. Its why plastic surgeons are still in business, and boob jobs are still the most sought after surgery. Only thing I did for myself is wear a waist training corset so I can have an hour glass figure. It matters how I look for myself and my spouse. I couldnt care what someone else thought. It can affect daily activities sometimes like going ot the store, going to work, or walking down the street. But this is something ALL women are plagued with, the male portrayed image of beauty as it is accepted in our current time. I get confused what is the current standard of beauty, but I think its mostly white or fair skinned, size 0 to 2, large breasts, super small waist to give curves and a twerkable butt! Just the other day when I was getting my bloodwork, which is awesome btw(!), a nurse was said "You dont see many 6ft women around Ionia." to which I replied "Yes and we should be glad I grace Ionia with my presence for it will be surely missed when I leave!" we laughed!

 

I do a lot to keep my looks like my nightly maintenance cream to keep the bags and dark circles around my eyes away! I exfoliate, I do the hiphop workout for 30 minutes everyday. I eat a raw food diet for 2 weeks now and feel incredible. We havent gone totally raw because its expensive so we do what we can aford, but lots of bananas, mango's, dates, papayas, different veggies. We do cook some things but not much. I make my own ramen noodles. (I grew up in Japan) I think the saying goes "You are what you eat" is so so true! If you girls eat junk, you will look like junk, if you eat healthy, you will look radiant and men and women will drool...then just carry paper towels for them to wipe their filthy mouths haha!

 

Savo 'lass a lalaith

the question is, who do we want to pass for?

 

for me, i was worried about passing. no for me, but for my family, for my friends. i never want to embarrass the people i care about. but i have come to realise, that actually, the most important think is me, how i feel. passing isnt an issue for me, i dont really mind how people see me, and actually,m quite often i go out, not really making to much effort to pass, specially when im feeling like i cant be bothered to plaster on the mask lol, we all have days like that. it about how i feel, and how much i am have been willing to drop the charade. as time has gone by, i have found it easier to relax, let me shine through. i am told by people around me how comfortable i look, how much happier i am. thats because after 40 years of fighting to keep me locked away, i Can finally relax. i am, by my real nature, very calm, and happy now. where as before, people have always said there is something hidden with in me, thaqt i never told any one. how right they were. so to answer the original question, "Are you convincing?" i am convinced that i am now finally realising and becoming me.

 

oops, i do tend to shamble a little, and probably i make no sense to any one, but i understand at least hehe. xx

Lúthien Lúinwë said:

Seems to me a lot of women get hung up on this. Its why plastic surgeons are still in business, and boob jobs are still the most sought after surgery. Only thing I did for myself is wear a waist training corset so I can have an hour glass figure. It matters how I look for myself and my spouse. I couldnt care what someone else thought. It can affect daily activities sometimes like going ot the store, going to work, or walking down the street. But this is something ALL women are plagued with, the male portrayed image of beauty as it is accepted in our current time. I get confused what is the current standard of beauty, but I think its mostly white or fair skinned, size 0 to 2, large breasts, super small waist to give curves and a twerkable butt! Just the other day when I was getting my bloodwork, which is awesome btw(!), a nurse was said "You dont see many 6ft women around Ionia." to which I replied "Yes and we should be glad I grace Ionia with my presence for it will be surely missed when I leave!" we laughed!

 

I do a lot to keep my looks like my nightly maintenance cream to keep the bags and dark circles around my eyes away! I exfoliate, I do the hiphop workout for 30 minutes everyday. I eat a raw food diet for 2 weeks now and feel incredible. We havent gone totally raw because its expensive so we do what we can aford, but lots of bananas, mango's, dates, papayas, different veggies. We do cook some things but not much. I make my own ramen noodles. (I grew up in Japan) I think the saying goes "You are what you eat" is so so true! If you girls eat junk, you will look like junk, if you eat healthy, you will look radiant and men and women will drool...then just carry paper towels for them to wipe their filthy mouths haha!

 

Savo 'lass a lalaith

It's true that most women feel pressure to look a certain way and may get hung up on it, I'll agree with you there. It's true for everyone really, both male and female and to varying degrees. I think it's fair to say though that most cisgender women don't need to worry about being perceived and treated as women, something that transgender women have to deal with all the time. There is a big difference there, but your point is well taken nonetheless : )
This post was edited by M G at July 4, 2014 12:00 AM BST

Stephie Hughes said:

the question is, who do we want to pass for?

 

for me, i was worried about passing. no for me, but for my family, for my friends. i never want to embarrass the people i care about. but i have come to realise, that actually, the most important think is me, how i feel. passing isnt an issue for me, i dont really mind how people see me, and actually,m quite often i go out, not really making to much effort to pass, specially when im feeling like i cant be bothered to plaster on the mask lol, we all have days like that. it about how i feel, and how much i am have been willing to drop the charade. as time has gone by, i have found it easier to relax, let me shine through. i am told by people around me how comfortable i look, how much happier i am. thats because after 40 years of fighting to keep me locked away, i Can finally relax. i am, by my real nature, very calm, and happy now. where as before, people have always said there is something hidden with in me, thaqt i never told any one. how right they were. so to answer the original question, "Are you convincing?" i am convinced that i am now finally realising and becoming me.

 

oops, i do tend to shamble a little, and probably i make no sense to any one, but i understand at least hehe. xx

Totally makes sense to me girl, I think we're on the same page : ) I do still worry about not being passable though. I tend to flip-flop between thinking it really, really, really matters to me, asking myself "What am I thinking!? Who am I kidding!?" and it doesn't matter, "I'm proud to be a transgender woman and there's nothing wrong with that".
This post was edited by M G at July 4, 2014 12:08 AM BST

As the creator of this thread I am pleased I never responded to Luthien! No doubt if I had of done I would have gotten the blame for her leaving GS.

Pesky scientists! I read something last week and they rekon in 50 years time we will not have to move , everything will just come to us. Just say dinner and it comes , just say pub and the pub comes to you, just say shopping and the shops come to you. Sounds like a bundle of laughs just not moving , there will be no need for shoes or feet even. 50 Years time? I will be dead but if that comes true everyone else may as well be too.

 

The human race is doomed (according to pesky scientists).

 

Julia x

Hmm, I wonder why she did leave? No point in speculating I suppose.

Well Madeleine she said she was a scientist. Pesky scientists are always looking for something new to study . She came here and got a shock (maybe she saw me) . Here is the next issue "Not like us" No we are better .

 

Julia x

This post was edited by Former Member at July 7, 2014 7:29 PM BST

And then they all just took off............................ Control tower was in meltdown...........

This post was edited by Former Member at July 7, 2014 7:32 PM BST

For forty years, I stayed in my own space with deadly fear that if I were to go out into the public as a woman that something evil would happen to me. For some reason, about a year ago I decided to go out for a whole week at a "safe" place, Provincetown.  Now I go biking and yesterday I dressed in one of my "glamor" outfit and spent most of the day at the mall shopping. No details, but it was a wonderful experience to be free.  

 

I took many photos and videos 40 years ago and last week, and when I compare them, I realistically believe that I do not look much different. My figure is a bit better today.  Yet, I stayed in my cave for 40 years. The point is that too many of us are bound by an unrealistic fear that just freezes us.  I say, just go out and be yourself, and even if you do not pass, just be joyful that you are out in free space. 

 

I try to pass because I want to be totally observed as a female; however, I now understand that if I do not accomplish this, that it is just fine with me. I am who I am.

 

Having said all of this, it is important to recognize that females walking the street come in all heights and sizes.  I suggest that one should work hard to be as passable as possible, but please do not stay in a cave all of your life.

I thought this topic was dead how wrong was I? .

Thank you for the above Jacqueline it will be very inspiring to others .

 

Julia xx

One of my old topics. It went a bit off track here and there but , as long as you are convinced you are you then you will be fine.

Being trans is by no means easy but it does get better in most cases. There will come a time when everyone can be free to just be who they are. I very much doubt it will be in my lifetime but it will come.

 

Life is to short to put everything on hold so just convince yourself that you are you then move forward .

 

The doomsday clock was last week moved from 5 minutes to Midnight to 3 minutes to Midnight. That is the closest it has been to Midnight since 1953. It could move closer or it could slip back but , if it moves closer then make the most of what you have . On the positive side if it slips back then still make the most of what you have. Life is a very precious thing so just enjoy it whilst you can.

Take care xxx

PS: That clock is very real.