Coming out!

• Posted by Tracey Millington April 11, 2012 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs #  1,570 views
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  Hi all,

   

  As some of you may have noticed the past few days, maybe even weeks my mental state has been shaky and my emotions have been a rollercoaster ride from hell. I have been trying to work out exactly what has me affected so severely, with deciding to leave my work place by taking voluntary redundancy at the top of my list i thought it may hve been that but it didn't seem to satisfy me as being the culprit of my mental state, not being able to cope i resorted to drink last thursday.... half a bottle of jack daniels later i was happy (for a while). The next day i had the house to myself and most of the weekend, this ment some Tia time (yaaaaaaaaaaay) however i had been dared to push my boundaries and take my first steps out into the world in a dress or skirt that night, which to me was a huge deal so i spent the entire day worrying about that and i must admit i almost decided against going through with it, but some of you girls persuaded me to goand so i did and what a buzz i got from it, i was on cloud 9 for the rest of the night and the following two days. Monday came and i had calmed down somewhat but was fine until i decided to put a slideshow of my pics together for the only person outside of GS that knows about me, i chose to play a background song with the slideshow i had created, the song i chose was Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors" when i played the slideshow back with this song something just hit me like a truck! i couldn't hold back the tears and my happiness had just hit an all time low, the next day at work people kept asking me what was wrong but obviously i couldn't answer them even if i knew myself, and the more i was asked the worse it got so i had to distance myself just to get through the day. Finally i remembered that i had watched a youtube video quite a long time ago of a girl's (m2f) transition over the years and she had chose the same song, from her video you could see how she went from strength to strength culminating in so many happy pictures of herself and she was absolutely stunning, the pictures and song choice just emphasised each other perfectly, i remembered how happy i was for her and at the same time how jealous i was, also i have seen many of you making giant leaps forward and passing me by..... again i am so happy for you girls yet so jealous which leads me to today and my decision headlining this blog.

   

  Today i have decided to fully come out to my parents, i am going to write a letter detailing everything about me and my situation as i find this will be the easiest way for both me and my parents. I made this choice purely on the fact that i cannot possibly continue the way i am, i have all of you on here for support and my friend in America but with no dissrespect to any of you or my friend! that alone is not enough for me anymore. I need to be me, i need to be Tia and i can't cope anymore being confined to my bedroom, alone..... i can no longer cope with hiding from society and myself, but i need the support of my family for my own sake.

   

  Tia

  xxx