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  • 15 Apr 2012
    So....i wrote my letter out this morning for my parents and after dinner decided to hand it over to them, my mom had the look of "what's that?" on her face, so i said it's a letter for you and dad and i'll be upstairs if you want me after you've read it. So i ran upstairs and sat in my room quietly and anxiously, shaking like a leaf. I tried to listen for any noise coming from downstairs but nothing...it seemed like an eternity until i heard something, it was my phone i had actually received a text from my mom telling me to get my backside downstairs.... it had only been 10mins.... i made my way gingerly downstairs, burst into the living room and then i broke my heart, collapsing into my mom's arms. I was hysterical for what seemed again like eternity so i can hardly remember a thing but in a nutshell, my parents said i had nothing to be sorry for except that i should have told them sooner, i should have no shame and i shouldn't care what anyone thinks, they love me no matter what and will back me 110% with what ever it is that i need to do to be happy, they do want me to go and see a doctor and i explained to them that if i get diagnosed with gender dysphoria i will get prescribed hormones which will change my physical appearence and they were ok with that, we chatted for quite some time and then i asked them if they wanted to see some pics, "some pics?" they asked and i replied yes....of me, they actually wanted to and not only that they loved my transformation and how much happier i looked, my dad even said how beautiful of a woman i made and how proud they are. SO yaaaaaaaaaaay! baby steps at home now and i have to book an appointment at the doctors but Tia is moving forward xxx
    2232 Posted by Tracey Millington
  • 11 Apr 2012
    Hi all,   As some of you may have noticed the past few days, maybe even weeks my mental state has been shaky and my emotions have been a rollercoaster ride from hell. I have been trying to work out exactly what has me affected so severely, with deciding to leave my work place by taking voluntary redundancy at the top of my list i thought it may hve been that but it didn't seem to satisfy me as being the culprit of my mental state, not being able to cope i resorted to drink last thursday.... half a bottle of jack daniels later i was happy (for a while). The next day i had the house to myself and most of the weekend, this ment some Tia time (yaaaaaaaaaaay) however i had been dared to push my boundaries and take my first steps out into the world in a dress or skirt that night, which to me was a huge deal so i spent the entire day worrying about that and i must admit i almost decided against going through with it, but some of you girls persuaded me to go :) and so i did and what a buzz i got from it, i was on cloud 9 for the rest of the night and the following two days. Monday came and i had calmed down somewhat but was fine until i decided to put a slideshow of my pics together for the only person outside of GS that knows about me, i chose to play a background song with the slideshow i had created, the song i chose was Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors" when i played the slideshow back with this song something just hit me like a truck! i couldn't hold back the tears and my happiness had just hit an all time low, the next day at work people kept asking me what was wrong but obviously i couldn't answer them even if i knew myself, and the more i was asked the worse it got so i had to distance myself just to get through the day. Finally i remembered that i had watched a youtube video quite a long time ago of a girl's (m2f) transition over the years and she had chose the same song, from her video you could see how she went from strength to strength culminating in so many happy pictures of herself and she was absolutely stunning, the pictures and song choice just emphasised each other perfectly, i remembered how happy i was for her and at the same time how jealous i was, also i have seen many of you making giant leaps forward and passing me by..... again i am so happy for you girls yet so jealous which leads me to today and my decision headlining this blog.   Today i have decided to fully come out to my parents, i am going to write a letter detailing everything about me and my situation as i find this will be the easiest way for both me and my parents. I made this choice purely on the fact that i cannot possibly continue the way i am, i have all of you on here for support and my friend in America but with no dissrespect to any of you or my friend! that alone is not enough for me anymore. I need to be me, i need to be Tia and i can't cope anymore being confined to my bedroom, alone..... i can no longer cope with hiding from society and myself, but i need the support of my family for my own sake.   Tia xxx
    1027 Posted by Tracey Millington
  • 25 Feb 2014
    Hello all i know i have not been on this site for quite a while now and i am sorry for dissappearing but i assure you i am still alive and well, so i am writing this to let you know what has happened in my life since i was on here last and how things have been.   Life since telling my parents about me has been good, they are still really accepting and i feel closer than ever to them, recently i have told my brothers that they have a sister and i was expecting them to not be quite so accpeting as my parents but they both proved me wrong and have been very supportive. Last week i also told my two closest friends who i also work with and they too although shocked have been great and very supportive, we plan to go out soon!   I have met a GG as Tracey and we have a great relationship though being 2hours drive away from each other and have recently got engaged, she loves both "sides" of me but again she will support me in what ever steps i decide to take. Since meeting her i have been out in public, shopping in the daylight and my confidence is getting better! hoping to go out again soon....   Here's to the future and i hope it keeps on getting better! Will keep you all updated.   Love Tracey xxx
    941 Posted by Tracey Millington
Society Girl's Personal Blogs 2,564 views Apr 14, 2012
Dear Parents

Mom and Dad,

 

     I am writing this letter to let you know something about me which may also explain certain things, I am using a letter rather than talking to you face to face as I think it would be a lot better for myself and yourselves given the situation.

     For many years now, as far back as I can remember I have had a huge struggle within, I have tried to deal with this problem on my own but I feel I can no longer carry on in the same manner as it is getting worse. The last two weeks especially have been really hard, mood swings and sleepless nights don't even scratch the surface of what I have been going through, my first thought and possibly yours would be that I am worrying about my work situation but I believe this is not the case.

     The struggle within that I am talking about is my belief that I was never supposed to be born male but actually female, my first memory of this was when I was about 8, I remember I used to sit in the closet at the bottom of the stairs and try on your shoes mom. But as I got older and started to realise that this wasn't normal it just started to tear me apart inside, questioning my sexuality numerous times, wondering if it was a fetish, feeling embarrassed and ashamed, scared of you or anybody finding out and what might be the consequences if that happened. So I kept it to myself and carried on through the years, trying to ignore this craving I had to look how I felt inside but I just couldn't. In my late teens I started experimenting with make-up and more clothes but all I could see in the mirror looking back at me was a male wearing what he should not be wearing and I just felt absolutely disgusted and hated myself...I hated the body I was born with, I hated myself for doing something that felt so wrong but also I hated the fact that I could never look like the woman I felt I should be. Alone and full of hate, confusion and fears I had no where to turn and I could not see me ever being happy.

     The years came and went, my situation and feelings unchanged were starting to take their toll on my mind, I broke down, became sick with depression, stress and anxiety as you know. This was put down to work, money and ill health but I felt that they were not the main culprit, I desperately wanted to tell my doctor and/or therapist but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, the fear of losing you both, my friends and my job was just too great. I always thought if I could not be happy and cope with this on my own then how could I possibly cope if I lost everything that was good in my life.

     During my time sick I started to experiment some more, I got better with make-up and clothes to the point that I actually started to have some belief that I might be able to look like I feel, that was why I spent so much time in my bedroom over those 3 and half months, it made me so happy to see ME looking back. Then of course being worried about me you walked into my bedroom dad and caught me, I know I didn't answer any of your questions at the time, I couldn't as I just froze with fear and shame and then when you slammed my door shut I thought my life was over, that I had upset you, made you angry. My fears... I felt as though they were coming true but I couldn't just leave it like that I had to talk to you both, I believe now that I didn't do enough talking and I should have told you both then what I am telling you now, your reactions comforted me and that would have been the ideal time to come out to you but I didn't and therefore my fears have risen again.

     I hope you will both come and talk to me after you have read this, I want us to be open about all of this and I promise I will try and answer any questions you will probably have. If you wish that I seek help I will do that also I just want you to know that I couldn't ask for any better parents and the last thing I want is to hurt you both and make you ill, I love you so much! And I'm sorry...

 


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Comments

8 comments
  • Jacqui G
    Jacqui G Good letter tia hope you get good reaction,all the best ,hugs xxxxxxx
    April 14, 2012
  • Stephany Bennet
    Stephany Bennet Tia. What a great leter to your parents, I really hope that things go well for you and that you get the acceptance you are looking for from them.
    Love Stephany xxxx
    April 15, 2012
  • Princess Layla
    Princess Layla Well done Tia and thats such a well written letter too. xxx
    April 18, 2012
  • Lora Estep-Davis
    Lora Estep-Davis Thank you for sharing this letter. It is beautiful. I hope things go the way you want them to!
    October 11, 2013