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Hi All,
I find myself in a strange state that I thought maybe I got "got through", but realise perhaps now that was wishful thinking . Its that aspect of transistioning when you realised that you have moved on significantly as a person , so much so that living in the old gender in those instances where you seem to be forced into , gets really grating and could present problems .Its when you start to express yourself in a less restricted way pointing the direction to where you are going ever more definitely, as you loose old fears and ingorances. You try to do this in a caring way , to those SOs in your life [ no pretending this is easy ].
I can say personally that for me a characteristic of the transgendered mind /situation [ st least for M2F] is having locked in perception of yourself and your future . A feeling of inevtable compromise, that you have to meet a lot of EXPECTATIONS and IF you dont the consequences. [ BTW I am not on friendly terms with the word EXPECTATIONS]So you try to do a real good job of putting up a good front , . Ultimately such a situation makes you at the mercy of these expectations , and compromises so no surprise if it seem s you loose control of your life , and consequently less able to help other people , and be useful/happy /balanced.
There has to be a way for you to be able to present your emotional reasoning to make a change , and feel that you do this in a caring way to those who will be affected
Regarding "Coming Out", to use a Musical Analogy I am playing it by ear , as I start to pick up the tune in my head , but you know it will only sound right when you make the tune your own .
Thats why I love the Mamas and Papas tune "Make your own kind of Music", http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEQxEJ5_5zA
The thing about this , and the same is true about Music , you intuitively know when you are ready . When you know you are going to sound right , and look right , its you , and its certainly not a cover version pretending to be someone else.
Donna XX
