Passing

• Posted by Ann Teve June 17, 2008 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,057 views
  click to rate
  Remember the chipmunk? Well, its still around, darting across the hearth and under a chair this morning. I chased, but with the bouncing gate of Chip and Dale, it skittered away down the hall. An open door was uninviting. Its still there now. Wait 'till Smudge gets home. Ah, these little moments of life.
  I'm coming to realize that living fulltime isn't what I expected at all. My original opinion that a Real Life Test (Trial) was just mean has changed somewhat. I still think that very masculine t-girls would have a hard time but I realize that perhaps not the torment that I imagined
  Its a bit of a fairy tale to think that I 'pass' in the sense of my physique, I 'pass' because people allow me to and that's most if not very nearly all of the people that I meet. I also 'pass' because I choose to pass. It would say something strange about me if I continued to obsess about clothes, there's a lot more to life than that. I'm not sure that the way I conduct myself now is more confident than indifferent. I've got other things to do and other things occupying my mind. I guess what I'm trying to say is that fulltime really isn't the trial that I thought it would be. It has become nearly natural -- I can't say totally natural because there are still moments when I worry about how I look.
  My obsession now is money -- or more correctly the lack thereof. When I consider my age (54) and work history and my present circumstance, it can be cause for serious depression. I am learning -- reluctantly -- to find more to life than the things that money can buy to fill it. I have got pleasure in my garden, a little rockery with plants that are actually flowering, but how much of gardening can one take? There is more to this life, I'm sure. What is in store for me, I can't yet imagine. Perhaps liking passing, if I just accept who I am and presume that what comes will be good, it will be.