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I was coffee, muffin, soft drink and purse in hand as I walked up the sidewalk to my car. It had snowed this morning -- a couple of inches -- and I was going slowly. I was expecting to drop something. A construction worker brushed past me, walking briskly up ahead. He stopped, he paused, he turned.
"Do you still work at Lee Valley?" he asked. I was amazed. How is that totally across town, someone can identify me?
"Yes, I do." I smiled a big smile. He smiled and walked away. I think he was nervous. Ow!! So close to a date. Just kidding.
In the grocery store, striding from the milk display toward the bread aready, I approached a very young woman pushing a grocery cart with a young boy in the cart seat - his back to me. The girl glanced at me. I smiled as I walked by.
"Mommy, look at the BIG GIRL!" came a stong young voice. I had to laugh, it was too cute. I didn't look bad however.
I was stopped at the mall by a really pretty young woman. Would I like to join a women's gym? I took the coupon with a smile. Yeah, right!
I kept the coupon in my purse and glanced at it once or twice. Mel -- my best friend -- and we went out for coffee. Seizing the opportunity, I asked her to accompany me to the club. I was going to join. As Mel said to my fretting on the trip there, "What can they say? Its discrimination not to accept you." I'm really not the type to lean on points of law. Oh, well.
After a brief questionaire about one's aspirations for fitness, the 'tour' came. I thought I might get to see the machines but was totally surprised to be taken through the change room. No, on one was there. Well, one lady was, but she wasn't much to look at. Wow! So does this mean I can join? Yup, it did. So I did. I haven't gone there yet... I'm still working up to that.
A friend has a young (4) daughter. Somedays she likes me. Somedays not. Last evening was a liking day. We played Unicorn which involved my 'chasing' her at a glacial pace around her playroom in the basement. She began to laugh. It was the heartiest laugh of a child totally enjoying themselves. I started to cry, realizing in that moment that this was the cost I was paying with my family. Denied access to my neices and nephews, I didn't until that moment realize how massive that lose was.
I was invited to dinner by a sister-in-law. She had her two teenage girls join us for dinner. I was surprised. They are shy of course but I was so taken by her willingness to bring me back into the family - or a part of it. I was very, very touched. It was pork with potatoes and green beans.
I wonder if I'll ever get a real job, again. Most days I feel very good. There are odd days still where I feel like I have a sign on my back that says, "Was a Guy!". Funny how that happens. Then the next day, I float through feeling perfectly contented.
There is a marvellous irony to my life now. Here I am in public -- Ann - boldly going where I please, as I please. Sometimes, I'm looked at and I can feel them thinking, "That's a guy wearing women's clothes." and I don't care. Contrast this with more than 40 years where I did everything possible to prevent even a hint of who I was showing to the public. Wow, what wasted effort.
It feels a bit of a celebration to update my blog. I haven't had the chances of before to keep it current or to descend deeply into my thoughts. Don't worry, though, I will.
