feeling blue suicidal

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    I am sad again. My ability to maintain a relationship with my wife is strained.  I think that she believes me to be in a phase that I will pass through.  She caught me yesterday witha hormone patch on my abdomen and was pissed.  told me I was throwing her away as well as the children.  I am considering suicide again.  Seriously  I already have all of the pills stashed and deciding whether to take them or rather when.  This shit is never going to end for me unless I put an end to it.  I have two full bottles of nitro glycerin tablets that should get the job done.  I have money a family a house a new car that is paid for plenty of stuff and I am still not happy.  I don't think that I can be happy anymore.  Life is too much and i can't be what I want without destroying the lives of others.  They deserve better and should have better. I only thinkabout myself and care about myself and such a shallow person has no right to live..  I am tired and sleepy.  I will try tosleep but hope to sleep foreversoon.  I can't be me and I can't be who others want me to be and I don't have the answers. I'm going now to OD.

    Good luck to you all. K