I am sad again. My ability to maintain a relationship with my wife is strained. I think that she believes me to be in a phase that I will pass through. She caught me yesterday witha hormone patch on my abdomen and was pissed. told me I was throwing her away as well as the children. I am considering suicide again. Seriously I already have all of the pills stashed and deciding whether to take them or rather when. This shit is never going to end for me unless I put an end to it. I have two full bottles of nitro glycerin tablets that should get the job done. I have money a family a house a new car that is paid for plenty of stuff and I am still not happy. I don't think that I can be happy anymore. Life is too much and i can't be what I want without destroying the lives of others. They deserve better and should have better. I only thinkabout myself and care about myself and such a shallow person has no right to live.. I am tired and sleepy. I will try tosleep but hope to sleep foreversoon. I can't be me and I can't be who others want me to be and I don't have the answers. I'm going now to OD.
Good luck to you all. K