The end of the married road

• Posted by Kari Johnson September 8, 2012 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,482 views
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  My marriage has reached the end of the road.  My gender issues have presented an insurmountable obstacle which we cannot get through.  It isn't fair to force my wife to be a lesbian when she isn't.  She is going to give me time to save up some money and move out on my own.  I have now made my pain her pain and ruined her dreams of growing old together.  I couldn't dream of anything but my own selfish desire to be female.  Yes it seems so selfish to me and always has had.  What person would give up a wife and family that he loves dearly to chase after a far fetched dream?  I have to think that that person is mentally ill.  That person is me.  I could try to suppress or ignore being trans for a while just to get some more time together, but I would be lying again. The funny thing is my wife asked me in 2003 to choose between this fantasy or her.  She then said I don't want to be the fool who gets strung along for ten years and then you change your mind. I picked her.  It has now almost been ten years.  I couldn't accept that I was trangendered then I didn't want to believe it.  Just a crossdresser right?  Right.  Liar.  Being honest is the hard part because we lead a life of dishonesty with and about ourself.  That naturally translates to being dishonest about these issues to avoid the truth of them.  The pain and hurt that I have caused her is horrible.  Now we will have to tell my beautiful boys what is going on with daddy.  I get to look them in the eye and tell them that I want to be a woman.  I am not looking forward to that moment.  So I have told my truth and now I will get to pay the price for it along with the rest of my family, extended family, friends and co-workers.  Who would choose such a life?  I guess I did.  I need help and support during this traumatic time of unknown length.  Thanks  K