2014 a painful beginning, with a hopefully silver lining

• Posted by Briana Lynn Rekowski January 5, 2014 1,399 views
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  I'm going to start this with something that Lee wrote on her facebook page:

  
  

   

  I want to send out my sincere sympathy to my amazing fiance and his family for the loss of an amazing lady. Doug s grandma passed away last night at 99 years young. She was an amazing lady with wonderful stories of the past that we could only imagine. She lived life to the fullest and will be missed. Family gatherings will never be the same. She will be truly missed. I am truly honored to have known this lady and to have had her in my life if only for a few short years. Rest in Peace you are in a better place and at gods side. — feeling sad in Tucson, AZ.

  
  

  She passed on New Years day. She will be missed so much by all of us. She was 99, and she worked, at least part time, until she was 91, when a minor stroke slowed her down..... a little.  She was a hair dresser, and she did other elderly womans hair around the community she lived in until her stroke. She lived with my family for a few years when I was growing up.  When I was around 9 or 10. 

  The service was yesterday.  It was a very nice service and her friends, neighbors, and employees from the place that she lived in, were there. I worry a lot about my mom, but she says she is doing okay.  There is a hole in all of our hearts.

  
  

  I didn't get to see her before she passed, words can't explain how that makes me feel. I couldn't get out of work.  Normally it wouldn't have been a problem.  I work with a crew of about 600 people that take care of about 200 government buildings. Almost all of those buildings are closed from Xmas eve, until Jan 2nd.  A hand full of buildings, health care, computer, and museums, stay open and about 10 line staff, and 3 or 4 of us supervisors have to work to keep things going.  I, unfortunetely am one that works every year.  I started trying to reach my boss around Dec 30th, I still haven't heard back from him.

  
  

  Things like this make you look at your life a little differently.  This is the part about the "hopefully, silver lining".  I have made a lot of progress in my life in the last four years, and have reached a point I never thought I would, but I am still not out to any of my family outside of my home.  My mom is 76, my sister is 55, and I am 50.  None of us is getting younger.  I decided somewhere in the middle of all of this, that I would feel really bad if I hadn't taken the steps to be fully out, and this happened to anyone else in my family.  I sat down a few days ago, and wrote a two page letter about my life, a coming out letter, and planned to give it to my sister after the service. I also went to the store and printed out four pictures of me to include with the letter.  I only see my family a few times a year.  They don't live a long way, but not down the street either.  It's about a two hour drive from where we are. After the service, I saw my sister alone, I told her I needed to talk to her outside.  With Lee by my side, I took her out to my car.  I told her I had a letter I had to give her, but she had to promise to read in in private, I was a real mess. Between the service, and being afraid I might be ending my place in the family, I was really upset.  My sister started getting really upset too, I think she thought something was physically wrong with me.  Lee told her, don't worry, no body else is dying.  It looked like she felt a little better after that, but she kept hugging me.  She told me it may be a couple days before she would be alone to read it, and there is that possibility that I will never hear from her after she does.  Between the loss of my grandmother, and the stress of not knowing the outcome of the letter, this is a very painful time in my life.

  
  

  Nothing can make the pain of the loss of my grandmother feel any less, but hopefully there will be a new beginning in my life too, from the letter.