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I have decided to keep a writen record of my transition. lol, I started my serious journey in 2006 when I came out to a crush. Her reaction was so neutral that it encouraged me to see a clinician, Mental Health Professional. That was the begining of my decision to transition. I was about my mid fifties then. I worked with the clinician for about a year over the feelings I had since I could remember of cross dressing and wishing that I had been born a girl. At the time I was new in recovery from chemical issues and homelessness. I was seeking treatment with the Veterans Affairs for these issues. One of the things I learned in the recovery program was that addicts usually have other issues so they turn to alcohol and drugs to "self medicate' for the pain these issues cause.
I believe that my gender dysphoria was the issue that drove my addiction. When I discovered this I decided to explore my feelings further. I was able to attend some peer support groups and was surprised at how comfortable I felt when attending.
I did have a major problem though. I was living in shared living situation and could not bring myself to come out to those I lived with. Probably because I came from and era when men were men and women were women. Transvestites were viewed as 'freaks". Because of the deep seated 'shame' I was not able to come out.
I was married to a nut for about seven or so years. I never came out to her. Every once in a while she would go out of town to visit her parents. I would use these visits as an oppertunity to cross dress. After we broke up I carried a lot of guilt about that.
So after being unable to progress further I decided that I needed a change of venue. I knew a little about Portland Oregon and liked what I knew. On a whim I decided to relocate here. I didn't know a soul here. I found a sale fare on Amtrack for 70.00 and jumped at the oppertunity. I arrived here with 20.00 in my pocket on Friday 1 January 2010. While sitting in the station trying to figure what to do next, I noticed a 'visitors information center'. It was a magazine rack full of brochiers. I found one published by Portland Rescue Mission. it even had a map on it. I noticed that it was located close to the Amtrack station. I went there and was lucky enough to score a meal, a shower, and a bed for the night.
I am a disabled Veteran and receive a small check once per month. So I knew that I had some money coming in. I also knew that I could talk to a social worker at the VA Hospital. I would only have to repeat my stays at the misison for three more days. This being a holiday I would have to wait til a regular business day to go to the hospital and check in. I knew that once I explained my problem to the social worker that he/she would most likely get on the phone and talk to another social worker at one of the programs here in Portland and the possiblity of gaining a bed in a program would be probable. It happened just that way.
Portland is one of the tans friendliest places in these united states.
After attaining a place to stay courtesy of a program designed to address homelessness here in Portland I heard about a sliding scale clinic nearby that might help me get on Hormone Replacement Therapy. I went there and met with a doctor who argeed to begin me on hormones. we started with a history meeting and a physical including a blood panel. Inside of thirty days I started a low dose regimine of estrodial and spirolactone. Thirty days later I was a my regular dosage of 4mg per day of estrodial and 50 mg of Spirolactone. She refused to give me a perscription for progestrone saying that studies showed a connection between progestrone and cancer. I was ok that.
Meanwhile, I was being treated at the VA for several health issues including, anxiety, high blood pressure, high cholestrol, vericose veins. I came out to the VA for gender dysphoria but they seem to turn a deaf ear with that particular issue. I changed my primary care physician several times because they would not hear of my trans issues. I was refered to a Primary Care Doctor that not only heard this issue but gave me a referal to a Endrocrinologist, a specialist in Hormones amung other things. This Dr asked me several questions. I admitted that I was on hormones overseen by and outside Doctor. I told him about my history and present dosage. He agreed to give me some blood tests and probably take over the supervision of the regimine. I was extactic. Now I could get my 'gurl pills' for free from the VA.
While here I managed to connect with an outside sliding schedule clinician specializing in Trans people. I was seeing her for about a year when due to circumstances I could not see her any more.
So at present I have been on Hormone Replacement Therapy for about three years. I'm quite happy with the changes that have occured. I have basically been living as Rhonda while inside my apartment. But any time I went out I always made sure that I was dressed in male clothes and conducted myself as a man. To tell the truth this is some what full filling but I do want to move to living twenty four seven as a woman. While my outside clothes are manly I do wear womans underwear. Well woman like underwear. I wear what i call manties which are briefs made for men but cut like a womans brief. a bra sometimes pantyhose. I had my ears pierced and was wearing studs for ear rings. But recently I began wearing what I call chandleers or dangling ear rings, even while wearing mens shirts and jeans. I have gotten some flats that I wear and a pair of pumps and sandles. I have yet to wear the pumps or sandles in public but that day is coming soon.
I've decided that if someone has a problem with the way I'm dressed it is their problem not mine. I try to educate them if they ask or manage to make a remark. But Portland is so friendly that although I have noticed some looking twice at me no one has managed to make any disparaging remarks. I have several plans for the event that there comes a confrontation.
I have been playing around with lip stick but nothing remarkable. I have grown my hair to collar length and until this last week did not have a clue as to what I could do with it. I found some hair clips that look a little like claws and have found that if I take and try to make a pony tail of my hair then pull it into the back or my head then attach the clip it does wonders for my ego. I think that from the back I look somewhat like a woman's hair. giggle, so I have tried to go out in public with my hair like this and just waited for a comment. The only comment I got was a woman passing my on the side walk remarked how she liked my purse. sigh. So I had to remind myself that I wasn't doing this for them I was doing it for me. sigh
Well it is getting late and I need to run a few errands so I will continue this later. What do you think of this blog? Rhonda
July 3, 2013- -
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