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  • 09 Aug 2013
    Hello Family?   I had a wonderful day yesterday!  It happened that I got a surprise appointment from a case worker.  I had a limited amount of time to get there.  I don't have a car so I had to use public transportation.  I normally spend the day at home when I'm there in fem.  I have a limited wardrobe that I have managed to gather over the past three years here in Portland.  Anywho instead of taking off my blouse and dress I decided to just take off my dress and don a pair of jeans.  I added a pair of flats grabbed my purse and out the door I flew.     I had to walk through the lobby where the staff knows of my issue and some of the co tenants.  I didn't bother saying hello just out the door and down the street to catch the bus.  As I was walking down the street it suddenly dawned on me that I was actually out side in broad day light wearing feminine clothes not just undergarments.  Oh wow.  Well I said to my self you have gone this far no use in turning back now.   I was worried a little but this is Portland where it isn't rare to see a crossdresser in public.  I just continued on to my appointment as best I could.  I was keenly award of those around me looking for any negitive reactions.  I didn't notice any but then that might have or have not happened after I left the bus.   I went down to see this case worker and becasue of the late afternoon hour there were only a few in the lobby.  When the case worker came out see correctly said hello Rhonda.  I had come out to her months before.  But never appeared in fem to her before.  The appointment went smoothly and I felt so good and at ease with others non shalaunce about my appearance that I decided to go on down town rather than going home and changing.   There was a brief moment of pause just before I left I decided to visit the bathroom.  I forgot that I was dressed female and went into the men's room as I had done all my life.  Luckily no one was in there and i was able to go into a stall and take care of business.  I have taken to sitting down to do what ever business I have to do in the bathroom.    So I continued on my way downtown and checked my mailbox at the post office.  I decided that I needed a cup of coffee and went to my favorite coffee shop.  All the while feeling bolder and bolder. Oh I guess I should say more comfortable with myself.  I guess the internet has really done a lot to teach people that trans people are people too.  I even had a gent hold the door open for me.     I have for the past two months been carrying a purse and wearing earrings while still dressed in boi clothes.  So I guess that might have had something to do with my confidence building too.    I just wanted to record this experience so that on the days when I'm not so 'full of myself' I can look back and see that I have indeed come a long way.   I choose to stop visiting my local support group because I don't see where they have anything to offer me except some antiquated ideals.  Usually trans vs the world, or how abhorant the male self is.  I'm of the strong belief that the male part of me will be a part of me for the rest of my life and my job is NOT to get rid of it but to assimilate it into my "new' personna.    True that there are charactoristics of the male self I would like to change but that will come over time.   It's funny but when I started this note I was in a deep case of the blues.  I so wanted to cry.  I'm not sure why but I was feeling the need to cry.  After about half an hour writing here I'm no longer feeling the need to cry. sigh.   Well I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself I guess. It is getting late so I will stop now.  Sweet dreams Rhonda. 
    1579 Posted by Rhonda Armstrong
  • 08 Jul 2013
    A lazy day until I jumped on the scale.  I almost had a heart attack. I made a new personal high. OUCH.  I went to visit my mother last month and she kept commenting on my weight.  I just blew it off.  Until I saw the prints from my brothers funeral.  I was as big as a house.  Then today I got up the guts to jump on the scale.  WOW.  I never dreamed that I could get this big.   I made an appointment to visit my GP and will be looking for medical clearance to start excersizing.  I'm not a young woman anymore, soo.  I have to do things like this.  I get my medical courtesy of the US Veterans Affairs.  They have a weight program called move.  I'm goin to join now.  I gotta do something about this.   Well I got some dishes calling my name.  There seems always to be some dishes to be washed don't there.  sigh.
    1576 Posted by Rhonda Armstrong
  • 06 Jul 2013
    Hello Again;      I'm having some trouble with my laptop 'puter today.  I keep loosing this page after starting this entry.  UGH.       I had an interesting day yesterday.  I learned some valuiable lessons regarding feminine ediquite.  It started with a surprise invitation to attend a rodeo at a town near where I live.  On a whim I decided to accept.  I decided to wear, bra, 'manites', jeans, some clogs, and a shirt.  So although I wasn't dressed 'en fem' I definately had a feminine shape. giggle        It turns out that we got a late start and arrived just as the day show was breaking up.  The ticketing area was very crowed and I have issue with crowds.  They always seem to gather and crowd the entries and exits. But as I was a guest I knew that I had to be on my best behavior. So I bit my lip so to speak and found an area not so crowded to await my friend who had to buy some tickets.   I was quite content waiting people watching.  Especially women my age an d what they were wearing.  By the time we reunited and started for the gates the day people were exciting.  A second look at the tickets proved that we had evening tickets and a few hours to wait til the next show started.  Parking was a problem so my host naturally didn't want to leave.  sigh.      The first problem I ran into was we were looking for our seats before we found out that the show was over til for now.  After asking and finding this out I went leave and there was a 'gathering' of some cowboys bloc king my exit.  I tried to say excuse me and pass through them.  But they either choose to ignore me or the didn't hear my voice.  I decided on the ladder and said louder "by your leave' meaning excuse me. When they still didn't respond, by moving or looking at me, I choose to walk through anyway.  Unfortunately there was one who choose that time to take a drink of his beer.  It could have been ugly but my higher power was looking out for me and he was successful in his drink without spilling any, although my friend said that he murmered something.       The next occurance of a lesson. was upon getting to our seats.  Shortly there after we were surrounded by others who had seating near us.  The seating was very close.  Even closer that coach seating on a cheap flight.    I had my purse and a cameral bag with me.  I could not place them at my feet as we were in bleachers and if they had fallen through I problably would never see them again. so I tried ot hold them slung on my shoulder.  I got into the show and could not figure out what to do with my hands.  I decided to place them on my knees. In doing so I didn't realize that I was inadvertantly rubbing the back of a gent just infront of me.   I was doing so with the back of my fingers and didn't know it.  He eventually looked around at me with a glare.  I excused myself and moved my hands further up my legs.  From the look that he gave me I tend to think that he thought I was making a pass at him.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  But it taught me that I must always be aware of my extreemities.  Oh my.         The next thing that happened was that there were two teenaged girls sittign next to me.  At sometime one of the them had noticed my shape and maybe gotten a peek at the fact that I was wearing a bra.  Her mom was sitting right behind me and she consulted with her about something.  Her mother had managed to get her calmed down by saying something probably that she was sitting right behind me and would be watching me carefully for any unappropriate movement.  I just ignored her, but noticed that she took great lengths to avoid any contact with me.  She leaned towards her sister sitting on the other side of her at every oppertunity.    I suddenly had to be even more aware of my body placement?  I addressed this by sitting up straighter.  So now here I am sitting at attention being careful of my body pose and trying to 'enjoy' the show.   I was able to last like this about a half hour when I needed a break and excuse myself to take one.       Wow what an outing.  I guess I don't do well in crowed situations.  I wonder if I was being pariniod or what?  The show ended and we left.  I thanked my host and mentioned that I had a good time. I didn't share any of this with him.  I am out to him but I have always toned down my appearance while with him.   I guess I'm worried that he might fear 'guilt by association' syndrome. We have been friends for a few years now.  Our get togethers are few.  But then he is a 'newly wed' in his first year of marrage, though it is a second marrage for both of them.       Well I guess I have gotten most of my what venting out.  So until next time. KEEP The FAITH
    1535 Posted by Rhonda Armstrong
  • 18 Aug 2013
    "It is Saterday night and I ain't got nobody" words to a song many years ago and far away. .   I have been reflectiing on this past week and I have accomplished soo much. Most of which was not goals but somehow I managed to accomplish..    First I might say. .I lost 16lbs so far this month. Yea I know, only 16?  well that is sixteen pounds closer to a better weight.  I'm hoping to bust that 200 pound bubble.  I haven't been under 200 for sooo long.  I am confident I might just make it.  lol   Next I have managed to spend quite a few day light hours 'en fem' over the past week.  I'm feeling more confident with each 'trip' I go out on, I'm very pleased to say.  Most of my past trips were spent in male clothes with my 'silkies' on.  At first I felt naughty but now it seems rather normal.  So I upped the anti by wearing earrings not matter what outside clothes I'm wearing an carrying a womans purse.  Would that be considered a Murse. for man purse.  lol   My en fem is just a blouse and skinny jeans, but it IS a step in the right direction.  Although I don't have much in the way of blouses. I do have a few and only one pair of skinny jeans.  I have some flats that I'm wearing daily.  I mean to wear some sandles soon but don't because I haven't painted my toesies yet.  Is that a word, lol  As you can see I'm feeling a little giddy in writing this. .   School, junior college will start the third week of Sept.  I hope to feel confident enough by then to be going to class with a decidedly feminine appearence. giggle   My network has been suffering all summer.  I have many aquaintences but few friends. sigh   I hope to remedy that when school starts.   On another front. .I have 'quit' for now a trans womens support group that I was attending here. They meet locally once per week. But the last few meetings that I have managed to attend left a sour taste in my soul?  I don't know that is the right word. But mouth is not the right word.  It seems that the moderator is politically orientated.  I don't fault her for her beliefs I just don't go there to listen or talk politics.  I was goin there to be with others like me.  I can't see that women gather to talk politics.  or maybe they do but I would rather talk about gurly stuff.  Like maybe  what I have accomplished what my challenges or how I my challenges measure up to what others have gone through or are going through. Is that wrong?  Maybe but that is why I gave up going to the group.   Back again.  I had to pause and take my gurl pills. giggle  I'm taking 50mg of spirolactine and 4mg of estrodial.  I had to reduce from 100mg of spiro and 6mg of estrodial.  I had been on that for about a year. But of late I had no energy even to do routine things like dishes, laundry, window shopping, etc.  I would spend a lot of time flipping channels or slip sliding on the internet.  With this 'new'regimine I find I have more energy and spend less time hanging out at home.     I have been taking Hormones for a little over three years now.  I'm well pleased with the results so far. But I look at it as a journey rather than trying to get there as fast as possible.  I want to enjoy the trip.  Know what I mean?  By the way. I'm not a doctor or someone with medical training so PLEASE don't take the above as a guide for your own regimine!  I AM under the care of both a general practiioer MD and a hormone specialist.  I would Strongly advise anyone who is considering Hormones to go through a medial staff.  Hormones can be be SERIOUS stuff.  Once started they need ot be monitored by medical professionals.  Hormones can effect so many of our bodily systems.  Everything from emotions to reproductive system.  That is why it is very important to seek medical assistance.   Well that is about all I can think of to talk about for this entry.  Someday soon, I hope to start up loading some pictures to include in this blog.  They will all be 'G' rated, as I'm never sure of my audiance. Ta ta for now. Rhonda
    1534 Posted by Rhonda Armstrong
Society Girl's Personal Blogs 269,875 views Aug 12, 2013
A new idea inspirited by a utube posting

Hello again? I had a reather uneventful day.  Most of which was spent on line, sigh

  But I did see a unique u tube posting which gave me pause for thought.

  It seems that I didn't have a morning routine. So I'd roll out of bed go to that bathroom take care of business, taking my gurly pills and such clean my dentures after they had been sitting in cold water overnight.  and such, we musent get to detailed here right. lol

  I then sat down in front of my lap top at home and looked for what happened to the world while I was sleeping.  After a few hours of this I decided that it was about time i went outside and got some fresh air.  I live in a sealed building no opening the windows, grrr.

  I put on the bra and manties, then looked around for what else to wear.  Oh my everything is fairly well soiled, That is what I get for going so long without doin the laundry. Funny I used to enjoy it so too.  

  Anywho,  I found that when ever I start the day I'm sorta in gender neutral from having started the day so many years now this way.

  I thought that I should take a few minutes and meditate or at least say a montry affirming that I am a gurl/woman now.  This might help with my guilty feelings in wearing woman's attire outside.

  For the past few months I have started carrying a decidely feminine purse, having switched from a gender neutral messenger bag.  I've also begun wearing daily earrings.  That is about as far as I could allow myself to go. sigh

 Not long ago I did have occasion to go out and conduct some business wearing a blouse and earrings carrying a purse.  I was surprised pleasantly by the way no one managed to noticiblly notice me.  I got a few second glances but that was about it.

  I am quite sure that I'm not able to "pass" as soon as i open my mouth i spill the beans cuz i haven't found a way to adjust my voice yet.

  I have an appointment with my mental health practical nurse who oversee's my meds except for the gurl pills.  I have been out to her for quite sometime but she has never seen me en fem.  I have an appointment with her on Tuesday and have today decided that I will go en fem on that day.  I will be traveling on public transport but it will not be commuters hours.  I wonder what her reaction will be like?  giggle

  So between tonight and Tuesday noon I will be trying to do all I can to re affirm my feminine personna.  giggle

  Well that is about all I can think of to say so. . here's hoping.  I will try to write on tuesday about the little adventure.  Rhonda


1 comment
  • Heather Parker-Jones
    Heather Parker-Jones I hope you do not stress much on those little things and enjoy the day, it sounds like you have made up your mind to be your self so I nice outfit some happy thoughts and off you go. and the top you see on my picture is my outside clothes. so big hugs
    August 13, 2013 - Report