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  • 30 Dec 2011
    Spoiler Alert don't read this if you haven't seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Psycho, or Silence of the Lambs. If so watch them because they are all awesome horror movies   Ok so this is a bit of a leap but stick with me here. When I was a teenager my three favorite movies ever where The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original of course), Psycho (again the original Vince Vaughn will never be Norman Bates, Anthony Perkins is awesome), and Silence of the Lambs in that order. Now if you will notice all of the antagonists in these films are transgender (sort of). Leatherface is the matriarch of the Sawyer (get it) family and even dresses like a house wife at one point, also he has the "pretty face" complete with wig and make up. They even made a movie were Leatherface went all out and wore a dress and heels (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation starring Matthew Mcounaghey (spelling) and Renee Zelweger) don't watch that one unless you like "so bad it's good" kind of movies because its incredibly dumb. Psycho has Anthony Perkins trying to become his mother which is not really trans but the element is there. And then Silence of the Lambs has Bufallo Bill doing that weird dance to Goodbye Horses and making a woman suit out of actual women, again there is a strong transgender undertone even if thats not really what it is.   Now some may say that these movies are insulting to trans culture and cast trans people in a negative/false way and thats a totally understandable arguement because they do. Yet for some reason I still love these movies. I'm a crossdresser and to this day I can never take offense to these films because in an odd sort of way they helped me through a very difficult time in my life and made me proud to be a transvestite (I promise I'm not a serial killer). The reason why is that kids always want to be the biggest, toughest, baddest person on the movie screen. Kids see movies like Rambo, Die Hard, and The Terminator and they want to be Sylvester Stalone, Bruce Willis, or Arnie. But where is the Trans action hero, well she doesn't exist. Most LGBT characters in media is either one of two things comedic relief or a victim in some way. From Stanford on "Sex and the City" to Brandon Teena in "Boys Don't Cry" the idea of comic relief or victimhood is prevalent in a number of mainstream media regarding LGBT characters with a big exception being horror films. Leatherface isn't funny and is most certainly not a victim, he's a badass with a chainsaw who peeled a woman's face off to make himself look "pretty" and virtually the same goes for Norman Bates, and Buffalo Bill. Granted the whole peel your face off bit is not an admirable characteristic and isn't heroic in anyway but in a horror film are we really rooting for the dumb wave of stock characters who are supposed to be the "victims" or do we want to see blood fly. It wouldn't be any fun if the teenagers simply filled up their van with gas and just drove off to their destination. In fact I would argue that the victims in a horror film are more akin to the henchmen that get mowed down by any action hero than characters we actually care for.   My point is that the characters of Leatherface, Norman Bates, and Buffalo Bill are important to trans culture because they are examples of intimidating, scary individuals who will not fall prey to being a victim or a side show character meant solely to be funny. Much like how Clint Eastwood is a scary, intimidating character in many of his movies. The fact that these characters are psychotic and evi is irrelevant when they are the only characters in LGBT history that have any sort of backbone and won't take any **** out off anybody. Thanks for reading. (again promise I'm not a serial killer)   Hugs!!!   Masi          
    4360 Posted by Maci Branch
  • 11 May 2012
    I really appreciate your message! As much as I dislike it you are right our face to face talks are not very effective. I love you so much! I have spent the last 20 and a half years trying to be the best dad I could despite my flaws. I have always been proud of you and wanted the very best for you. I apologize for the times I have not been the dad I need to be through my actions or words. I need some more time to process and think about your entire message. I will respond soon. Thank you and I will always love you!!!
    2691 Posted by Maci Branch
  • 18 Mar 2012
    Hey all, I'm afraid I've got some bad news, actually bad doesn't even begin to describe it, its down right awful. As many of you may know I am at the begining steps of my transition and so far things have moved along fairly well, until now. My parents do not like the idea at all and as I am still dependent on them their opinion of me means everything at this point. My parents have decided that I should no longer have anything to do with the trans community because they think it has influenced my decision making and has clouded my judgement of who and what I am. This means no going out, dressing in private, support groups, and what I consider probably the most painful no more GS. While it breaks my heart and I am crying while writing this I have decided to accept their challenge if only to prove to them that this is who I really am even without all of the clothes and friends I am still and always will be a girl if only on the inside at this point. As such many of you may not hear from me again for a few months, I just wanted all of you to know that I was ok and that I will be back, hopefully this will be sooner rather than later, I love you all and you have been an instrumental part of my life that helped and supported me through some very dark times but I have to do this if not just too prove that this is real to my family and maybe even to myself. You are all wonderful people and this is a wonderful site and I am counting down the days until I can come back to it, feel free to email me at masibranch@yahoo.com if there is anything important you need to tell me but otherwise I will not be accessing any other ways of communication for a while. So with that I must say goodbye for now, hopefully when I come back I'll be a better person and a better woman because of it. Forever and always, Masi xxxxxxxxxxx
    1884 Posted by Maci Branch
2,849 views May 10, 2012
My Letter to my Father

Hi dad, I feel our face to face conversations are rather ineffective, I get so nervous that I clam up and can't say anything and you get so nervous you say way too much so I thought this might be a better means of communication as we can both say what we like uninterrupted. To begin with I want to say that I love you very much, you are my hero, and my role model, and these problems I am having have nothing whatsoever to do with the way you raised me, you are a fantastic father and you always have been. The next thing I want to say is that while I will not apologize for being the way I am, I do apologize for the set of circumstances that this has created, I know how difficult all of this has been for you, mom, and lizzie and it tears me apart. In fact one of the reasons I have been so depressed is because I can see the hell I'm putting you all through with this and it is eating me alive from the inside out, I hate seeing everything I loved and knew fall apart like this, and the heartache of it all has turned me into a recluse and for that I apologize. Thirdly I want to say that I have identified as female for a long time, I tried to chase it away, I tried to smother it, and I tried to bury it but all of that left me with a complete and total empty feeling inside of me, it was strangling me and it was only a matter of time before I ran out of air, in fact its gotten so bad that I wince every time someone says "hey man" or I catch a glimpse of my self in a polo and jeans in the mirror, it physically hurts to be the way I am right now and I can not endure it much longer, transitioning for me is not a choice or a decision to be made but a necessary medical treatment I need for something that is physically and mentally wrong with me, in fact the only time I feel truly, and genuinely happy anymore is when I can present myself to the world as Masi simply because its the only time anyone can see the real me. Now I know you think your losing me and that the son you've always known is dying right before your eyes but everything you know and love about me is still there, in fact I would argue that my faults that impair my functioning are linked to my brain being a girls and my body being a boys, and that all the parts you like about me may well be dramatically enhanced once I do this. Finally I would like to reiterate that no one has coerced me into feeling this way, and that I am the one in complete control over this, I am not so easily swayed into thinking this way just because I talked to someone who went through a similar situation, my thoughts and opinions are only accountable to one person and that is me. It kills me that I can't be the son that you can be proud of, it is worst kind of depression knowing that you let everyone you know and love down, which is why I'm begging you to be accepting and supportive of this so that I can be the child that you can be proud of and so that I can live up to my full potential and become the happy, healthy, and successful human being I know I can be without everything else chaining me down, I love you very much, and I know it will take time but please know that I need someone to be there for me to help me through all of this and to accept me for who I am.


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Comments

15 comments
  • Briana Lynn Rekowski
    Briana Lynn Rekowski Masi, there aren't words to describe the heart felt thought that you put into writing this. It moved me very much. I hope that it is received as well as it was presented. Big hug girl, Bri
    May 10, 2012
  • Brandy D
    Brandy D I had to read this twice because all the stuff you are feeling is what I'm going through also. I can connect with the feelings you are having. Its almost like reading a self biography that I never wrote. Its nice to know I'm not alone, there is somebody...  more
    May 10, 2012 - 1 likes this
  • Debbie Davies
    Debbie Davies its a beautiful "straight from the heart" letter Masi.. i hope your dad accepts it with all the love in which it was sent. im rooting for you baby xxxx
    May 10, 2012
  • M G
    M G Very well thought out and beautifully written, I wish you the best and thank you for sharing.
    May 19, 2014