Buggeration

My mum used to say, "botheration", but when she was really cross, it would become "buggeration".

Buggeration.

It’s all swings & roundabouts. The odd slippery slide here and there too. So, last night I was on my way out to my local to meet my mum and her friend and see the reincarnation of the band I used to play with. 100 yards down the road I came out of a bend to see a car coming the other way waiting to turn right, another car waiting to come out of the same junction (my neighbour’s lane). I realised the car turning right was partially on my side of the road, leaving me with a very narrow gap to get through, the car waiting to come out nudged forward, I was forced to brake suddenly and my car went into a skid. I steered hard like a rally driver to try and come out of it but couldn’t avoid collision with the car turning right, and bounced off his side. Bugger. That never happens to me. Buggeration.

I got out and exchanged details with the guy I’d hit, who admitted he was "a bit far over" but said that the other driver thought I was going too fast. I wasn’t, I’d only been driving about 20 seconds and was approaching a 40mph limit, and I’ve lived here for 15 years, I know this road…

When I got out my insurance policy for him to see I realised it still had my old name on it, the policy is due for renewal next month so I hadn’t bothered changing the name on the old document. I guess I didn’t have to tell him that my name was now Lucy, but I wanted to explain that I was no longer a Mr, as stated on my insurance, so I told him I’d now changed my name and gave him both just in case there was any confusion. I guess I also wanted to give myself some credibility on a personal level, as well as the fact that Lucy is now my legal name. When you’re fully dressed for going out you don’t want to tell someone that you are Mr. Fred Bloggs. He was quite nice about it all, he was a surgeon so maybe that helped. Pippa said to me that it could have been worse, it could have been a boy-racer arrogant youth type, (though I wouldn’t have minded buggering up their car!) In fact he asked me how "all that" was going, meaning transition I guess, so I told him I’d just been down to Charing Cross this week for my first appointment. We compared damage and stuff and his wife got out the car and said, "don’t stand in the road, it’s so dangerous". So we moved onto the path, and he spoke to his wife about how I’d described what happened to him, ie why the fuck I ploughed into the side of their car. Whilst speaking to his wife he referred to me as he and him, she said to him, slightly confused, "It’s a SHE! You’re a she, aren’t you?"

"Thank you, yes, I’m a she", I replied, "your husband will explain" (It was dark). I think my voice was enough explanation for her though, and thereafter the husband called me "she". I wasn’t bothered that he was calling me a he, it did say "Mr" on my insurance document after all, but I was glad that it was corrected, and he learnt the proper way to address a transitioning transsexual!

So I got back into my car and burst into tears, it was all a bit of a shock. I sat for a minute wondering whether to just turn round and go home, but I decided to carry on and go to the pub. I probably shouldn’t have done, I really didn’t want to be there, when I told my mum what had happened and she was all sympathetic I just wanted to cry again. And I just couldn’t get into the spirit of things, didn’t feel like chatting. Mum and her friend left part-way through the second set so I went too, not wanting to stay on my own. Got home, cried again, and had a couple of beers (left over from the party), something I don’t normally do at home (any more), but these were exceptional circumstances.

Things don’t seem so bad now, my no-claims bonus is protected so my insurance won’t go up, and the damage will be repaired whilst I get a courtesy car, I just have to pay the excess. One should always try to look on the bright side, so I’ve been trying…

  - The other car came off worse, who would have thought that my little car could have done so much damage to a big Volvo?

  - It was a Volvo, tee-hee.

  - No-one was hurt.

  - Even though it wasn’t my fault, considering I’d just ploughed into the side of him the other guy was very decent about it all, and I think I did my best to portray transsexuals in a good light. It’s not the best way to introduce yourself to someone really…

Of course there may be a legal wrangle now while responsibility is determined, but I’m hoping at least that it will not be deemed to be my fault. Although I could have just squeezed through the gap, I did have to brake, and the guy shouldn’t have been across the central line.

Anyway, c’est la vie. Shit happens.