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…before I fly to Thailand. Less than 2 more weeks of being a man. Obviously I’m not really a man, I never have been, but I will be finally losing those parts that define me as male, at least as far as the doctor who signed my birth certificate was concerned. Easy mistake to make I guess, but at least I can get a new birth certificate now, in fact you don’t need the surgery to do that in this country, but more important than any legal do***ent that says what gender I am, is the chance, the reality now, of correcting this somewhat severe birth defect.
It’s all a bit surreal at the moment though. I can’t imagine how it will be having to stay in a bed for 7 days, not being allowed to go to the toilet, all those tubes and stitches and bandages, not standing up for a whole week, weird. And of course, not having that ugly growth that still looks out of place even after 44 years. I just can’t imagine quite how it’s all going to be, but I guess I will soon know, and I’m certain, absolutely certain that I am doing the right thing, that I need this change to my body, that I must do this and that there is no other way to live the rest of my life.
Actually I’m really looking forward to it, of course I’ll be glad when it’s all over, I know it’s going to be a bit gruelling, with a long, uncomfortable recovery, but every time I think of it I’m just really happy that it’s finally about to happen. And I’m quite excited about getting on a plane again after more than ten years, and seeing a bit of the world. I love all that, so exciting.
So I’ve been mad busy cleaning my house, rearranging my bedroom and stuff, ready for being an invalid for a while. I can’t wait to go away, but I bet I’ll be glad to be back home too!
I’ve been winding down the hormones for a few weeks, and am now down to one measly squirt of Oestrogel a day – 0.75mg. In fact today is my last day, tomorrow will be the first day in three years that I haven’t taken female hormones, gulp. Can’t say I’ve noticed feeling any different yet, guess I might do after a week of no hormones at all, but I don’t think that is enough time for any significant testosterone effects to occur. According to all my blood tests my testo has been in the low female range since I started on the oestrogen (as I keep trying to point out in the forums, taking oestrogen lowers testo significantly without the use of any anti-androgens, but no-one seems to believe me). I’m sure my testo levels were reasonably normal before, but now I can’t imagine having any substantial amount in my system at all. But there’ll be no chance of that in a couple of weeks time.
The rain came back today, after officially the wettest summer on record in this country, we’ve had a bit of an Indian summer, a few weeks of quite pleasant weather, but Autumn is definitely here now, and in this part of the world that means winter is not far away. It’s a good time to go away, it’ll be bloody hot in Thailand, and me and my mum will get back some of the summer that was robbed from us this year.
One week to go… a good time to change my body, change my life, finally and forever.
Thailand, and true, physical womanhood (as near as I can get), here I come!
xx
