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Went for a haircut last night, how unexciting you all groan, well it was quite, as it was the first time I’ve had it done whilst dressed. My friends had said I could dress if I wanted, last time I went, but I didn’t, as I didn’t want to scare them too soon. They’d invited me and Ann for dinner this time, as well as a quick trim, so I thought that would be three birds with one stone, the first time they’d all seen me dressed, though Ann has seen some pics. As I was having my hair cut I obviously couldn’t wear the wig, which was a little scary as it hides more of my face than my own hair. But I think I could get used to not wearing it, just want to get a bit more length at the back. I’d also dyed it a shade blonder the day before, champagne blonde in fact, and I now have a very girly straight fringe, plain and simple but I rather like it. I’d like it blonder still though, it’s a little darker than my wig.

My hosts constantly filled my glass with nice wine and we all had a great evening together. I did feel much better not having to go in drab, was lovely. I am of course very grateful for the support they’ve shown me, all very reassuring.

I increased my hormone dosages a few weeks ago, and am certainly noticing the effects. It all feels very right; as each day passes I become more aware that there really is only one way forward, to transition, and live full time. I’m feeling more and more ridiculous every time I go out in drab, so I’d really rather not have to. So I’m forming a plan of action in my head, and will visit my GP in the new year, as I believe you have to be referred to any of the gender clinics in this country, I think there are only four.

Some goals for the year ahead, I think living full time with normal beard growth would be prohibitively impractical, so electrolysis is a top priority, as is reduction of the Adam’s apple and possibly some other facial surgery, nothing too drastic, but at the moment that all depends on cost. Of course I can’t do all that without my dad noticing, so I must also tell him soon. Gulp. I don’t think I’d rush into full time straight away, though I would start going out dressed in my own town, that should turn a few heads, but I want to look as good as possible, to improve my chances of acceptance, hence the above.

So Christmas is nearly upon us. As you know I’ve already had one early pressie, and this weekend I’m going to mum’s for a Lucy Christmas, and next week Pippa is coming over so we can have our own little Christmas together, which of course I’m really looking forward to. Then it’s normal Christmas, which will be an anti-climax after all that. This is the first time I’ve had Lucy presents though, so it’s kind of special for me. And 3 Christmases in one week, can’t be bad, though the 3^rd will be with all the family, so um, who knows what might happen…

Trying not to think about that.