Two weeks on my wagon…

And I’m still rollin’ along… Two whole weeks without a drop of alcohol, it must be doing me good. I certainly feel better for it. Can’t say I’ve missed it at all either.

The band thing is looking very promising, the bass player brought me round a CD of songs to learn (LOTS of work to do!) at the weekend so I’ve been locked in my studio all week, thoroughly enjoying myself actually. Well, there’s been a fair amount of frustration with technical issues, I’m using a keyboard I’ve never used on stage before, so it all needs working out and programming and patching up midi channels and levels and all technical stuff like that, plus I have to remember how the old stuff works, some of which I haven’t used for three and half years, ie last time I was on stage (I have samplers and modules and various effects and magic boxes and all sorts). However, nothing has defeated me yet and it’s very satisfying to actually get these machines to do what you want them to do. And I have some lovely new sounds too, great fun. I rather like the songs too, with only a couple of exceptions, it’s quite a diverse set, I like that; "samey" bands are so boring, and I think it will appeal to the sort of audience that frequent the pubs around here. The band also has another set of "standards" for weddings and functions, which is less exciting but certainly could be worse. All in all I have about 55 songs to learn, gulp. We’re rehearsing next week, 8 songs from the pub set, which I have just about got the hang of, and I’m confident that it’s all going to work out ok, unless of course they hate me or find my appearance shocking or bottle out of being the first band in Kendal to have a tranny in it. Hey, I’m a groundbreaker! I do hope they like me as I’m really looking forward to it now. Going on stage will be scary at first. Though I’ve been doing it all my life I’ve been away from it for a long time, have very rusty fingers, and although I have been on stage dressed as a woman before (fancy dress), I’ve never been on stage dressed as myself, actually being myself. If all this goes ahead, it couldn’t be a more public transition. I may just be weird, but I am kind of looking forward to that, scared or not. I’m sure I’ll soon settle in to it.

I spoke to Pippa about all this tonight, and she mentioned my dad. Oh yes, my dad, who (when he was still talking to me) seemed to think that no-one would employ me and I’d be spending the rest of my life hidden away. This’ll show him. Hide away? Hardly. Can’t transition in Kendal – what are people going to think? Like I care, and no-one seems to be too bothered by it so far. Move to a big city where I can be anonymous (er, yeah dad, and get mugged and have my car stolen too yeah?)… I DON’T THINK SO.

Hopefully when he hears of this it will make him think again, at least to the point of realising that I’m not a feeble-minded wimp without an ounce of courage, unable to stand up for myself. He really doesn’t know me very well.

Come to think of it my dad’s keyboard player (for whom he has the greatest respect, Cambridge music degree and all) has depped (stood in) for this band not so long ago. I may only have a mere A-level in music, but am I afraid to perform in public cos I’m a tranny? No. I am not. Eat your words, father.

So I am immersed in learning songs and programming keyboards at the moment, and will be for some time, but I’ll let you know if anything else happens, and when my first gig is, just in case anyone wants to come!

I rang Charing Cross today, although they’ve given me a date for my next appointment they haven’t sent me the results of my blood tests yet, and therefore no word on a prescription. God they are useless. I spoke to the consultants’ secretary who just wanted to complain about her workload and the vagueness of the consultants and so on. She didn’t seem to want to help me at all, but I did my best to ask her to actually do something, in between whinging and whining about her job. Don’t have much hope, so may just have to wait until May, when it will all start over again no doubt.

But I’m not really downhearted about all that, just would like to see my results. In the meantime my hormone regime seems to be progressing as it should and I’m feeling fit and well and I also have something to look forward to, and something to work for. Fuck Charing Cross, this girl is going to ROCK AND ROLL!

xx