Goldfish bowl

Our second gig was a success, the first time I’ve performed in my home town as my real self. Felt a bit strange somehow, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it. It was probably just psychological, because of it being the first gig in Kendal, but somehow I had an intense feeling of being watched. Well, I’m on stage, of course I’m being watched, but somehow it felt magnified. Maybe it’s just the shape of the room, long and narrow, whereby you are more aware of everyone’s gaze being directed at you, unlike the last gig where people were more spread out, a more square room with posts and pillars and nooks and crannies.

Being watched intently is part of the job though, and I’m not saying it bothered me, just I felt more aware of it. As soon as we started playing I relaxed into it though, as did we all, and the audience reaction was fantastic, I think we may have a future around here…

As expected there were lots of people there that I knew, some of who had never seen me as Lucy, all were complimentary though, apart from one guy who I never got round to talking to. I said goodbye to him, but he looked rather blankly at me, he does that anyway so I’m really not sure if he actually knows about me yet, and if he does, whether or not he recognised me. Never mind, can’t say I’m bothered.

Pip was there, all my local TS friends, my mum and her best mate, and my cousin Tracy too, who I haven’t seen since Christmas, so it was lovely to catch up with her again. After the gig she said to me, "That was amazing – tonight I saw the person I always knew was there…" and also, "You’re a feisty lady aren’t you!"

The feisty lady person she saw was me, the real me, doing what I do.

I am me. At last.

It feels good.

xx