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  • 13 Mar 2023
    On Sunday evening I suffered a profound psychological blow that undermined my entire approach to life. I felt it in my heart and I'm now trying to make sense of it. At least it was not related to Ariane – not outwardly at any rate.   The world does not move as fast as I would like and people do not behave in the way I would expect. I will have to rearrange myself and revise my expectations.   I am still going ahead with the makeup lesson in a few hours' time (I hope) but I have cancelled Ariane's proposed weekend in Manchester. It was a deadline too soon given the other things I want to see happen before then. Also I do feel strongly the absence of a potential friendly contact that weekend.   I posted earlier about trans loneliness. I feel this now. Ariane online is an important part of me. Despite several attempts I still don't have anyone who wants to share my online life. Maybe I feel sorry for myself. But then no one else is going to feel sorry for me.
    43 Posted by Ariane Durand
  • 08 Mar 2023
    I have created a photo album with the best shots from yesterday's makeover. In order to view these you will need to be a Full Member and also my Friend. I can think of only one person who might qualify and she has other things on her mind at the moment. Although it doesn't really matter as I seem to be the only active member of this site at the moment!   If Ariane wants to go out she will need to feel confident about doing her own makeup. I have booked a session next Wednesday with a local artiste. I feel excited about this too.   The retail therapy has taken effect with the arrival of the Karen Millen coat. Fits a little big but it will probably be fine once I'm dressed. It really is a gorgeous coat. Next up, the pearls, due to arrive today. Then the rest of the clothes tomorrow. I'm so lucky.
    35 Posted by Ariane Durand
  • 07 Mar 2023
    It's 50 years since Pink Floyd released The Dark Side of the Moon. I don't have anything new to say about DSOTM. It's one of the greatest rock albums ever made, and if you haven't heard it yet, you should.   So then, shortly after finishing up with Antonia Wood, I headed off to The Blues Kitchen in Brixton for a DSOTM tribute evening. In the upstairs room I joined a crowd of middle-aged rockers to watch a tribute band – they didn't give their name – perform DSOTM in its entirety without a break. It's possible to be snooty about tribute bands, because after all the original is always the best, but they were pretty good: as near as makes no difference. We all loved it. We were swaying in tune with the music and of course we all knew the lyrics off by heart.   Afterwards by way of an encore they played Wish You Were Here, We Don't Need No Education, and Comfortably Numb. What a way to go.   I'm experiencing a massive outpouring of love. It's a sense of the oneness of all things, an identification with everything else in the universe, a feeling of compassion towards everyone. This is the sort of experience you have in response to a number of stimuli – in this case rock euphoria combined with coming out as Ariane. How long can this last?
    29 Posted by Ariane Durand
  • 16 Mar 2023
    Christiane followed the makeup lesson by taking some close-up full-face studio photos with her camera. One of these I really like. It's so sweet. So it's gone into Ariane's photo album. Again, you have to be a Full Member and my Friend to see the album.
    27 Posted by Ariane Durand
18 views Mar 17, 2023
Lying low

Ariane has gone to ground – externally at least – owing to the constant presence of family members in the house for the next few days. It's all I can do to collect deliveries from couriers before others see them. Stuff designed for a trans recipient generally arrives in plain packaging, but boxes of cosmetics usually name the supplier on the label. So I try to time my purchases to arrive when there will be no one here. I'm not sure this is a great way to live. I already have a locked suitcase full of stuff hidden away and there's a limit to what else I can store.

 

On a more positive note, I saw my friends P & P this morning. We are hatching a getaway plan. By this I mean that they will get away to a European destination for a short break and I will go with them as their friend. On arrival at this cosmopolitan capital city (let's call it Berlin), Ariane will come out to play and won't mind who sees her. Likely to be late June or thereabouts.