Sad Day

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    Today's not going to be the best day for me as my grandad's being buried today & i should be there but i won't be . its not because i dont want to be there, its just it'd be awkwad to say the least.
    You see, my immediate family know about me & they are totally fine with me......its the rest that are the problem.  The whole family will be there bar one......ME & that really hurts because it feels like i dont
    matter ( i know thats not the case, but its how i feel).

    My Grandad's relatives are of that age where this " kind" of thing
    wasn't talked about & the worry is that they might well be unpleasant towards me.  My Dad's gonna be under enough pressure because he's helping to carry the coffin & he's worried because he won't be able to keep an eye on me if things happpen.

    So, reluctantly i have decided not to go......i hope i NEVER have to make a choice like that again because i am his eldest grandchild
    & should be there, but because of what "Might" happen & what " Might be said" i am having to miss it. Believe me, that really does hurt  but what can i do under the cirumstances? I know that i will eventually get to pay my respects in my own way which i'm going to do, But it won't be the same as actually being there at the service today & that really is very sad..........