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Posted by wendy larsen
May 3, 2006
Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs
1,061 views
The past couple of weeks were not fun. My gg friend and I had our first major row since I came out to her. It was like our old fights....but very different.
We were tired. I was stressed to begin with. She got stressed. Neither had to do with each other.....but by evening we ended up arguing and, this time, we blew up instead of managing it. I stormed out and went home. Here things went differently. Instead of being angry for days, I got sick from the adrenaline. This has happened before, recently, but I was sick to my stomach for two days. I didn't eat well, or sleep well. Then I developed different symptoms, but still had trouble sleeping and functioning and, at one point, went to bed for 36 hrs, eating only a few crisps when i woke briefly. A week after the arguement, I called her. We were both calm. We analyzed what happened. There was no blame. We were mutually supportive of our emotional needs. It was as if it had never happened...other than we had both learned from it and had grown a bit more. This was VERY different for us. So the changes ARE real. I am different. She is different. Instead of it weakening my trust in our relationship, it has strengthened it. Of course, for me it is Wendy that makes me stronger. How odd, since now I cry much more than I ever did. This does not seem to be a weakness, but a strength, for I now can pursue solutions to the REAL issue, not what fights past my walls of anger. Is it Wendy that makes it easier for her? Does she trust Wendy more than Him? I do.
Tommorow we go to see KINKY BOOTS together. We had to decide between that and TRANSAMERICA. She asked me which I wanted to see most. I told her and asked what she would like to see. WE decided which to see....the process was different somehow. So was the emotional content for me. Gentler, stress-free, happy. I accepted her preference, happy to do so, but it was not the "sacrificial"-rightness it would have once been. It was all happiness. I don't know how else to explain it. I don't really have the words. If felt different, like seeing a new color....one that was very lovely. I think I'm starting to think in "Venusian". It's not like play-acting "Macho". It just flows out. I look foward to more such changes in Wendy. They make me happy while my life is a disaster around me in so many ways. It's good.
