What's wrong with me?

• Posted by wendy larsen December 20, 2007 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,010 views
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  Something isn't right tonight.  Someone did something that has caused a major disaster in my life.  I should be really angry.   I'm quite upset with the person.  What they did hurt me.  On the phone, however, I was not the one yelling, they were....and I still didn't blow up.  
  
  It's not that I feel bad.  I don't.  Shouldn't I?  I'm not happy but I've gotten more upset over dropping a meal on the floor or missing a bus.
  
  I think what is wrong is that I didn't lose my temper.  That's the familiar reaction but it didn't happen.  I didn't stop myself and keep the anger bottled.  I just didn't lose it.  Well, not 100% true.  After asking quietly a few times for her not to yell because of my headache I finally shouted it...once....she stopped and so did I.  I was angry about the pain, not having my life wrecked by what they had done.  I didn't lose it, i yelled to stop the repetative pain because talking softly wasn't working.  Then I was calm again.
  
  What is wrong is that the familiar is missing.  I handled things right, without thought.  We, however, prefer the familiar to what is right, so not being really angry felt wrong.  Nothing is really wrong.   Things are, in fact, completely right....I just have to get used to being able to not screw things up.  It's ok to just go to sleep and not be upset.  It wouldn't help and probably would hurt. Everything is as OK as it could be under the circumstances.  Wendy does a good job "at the Helm".