Posted by wendy larsen
March 24, 2009
Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs
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The train pulled into Richmond, VA–Staples Mill Rd. Station not long after dawn. A small station that left no doubt as to where to go. I headed for the brick building across the tracks, lugging my insanely heavy suitcase and my pack. Inside the station a quick glance resulted in two smiles as my little sister and I immediately recognized each other, almost by instinct. We lost no time getting to the car, after which my sis took me out for the first of many meals together. I quickly found out that, despite my offers to cook at home, Jessica was determined to take full opportunity to go out to eat, which she enjoyed but not alone, with company that made it a real treat for her. Off we went for breakfast. I cannot remember what it was because we were lost in the experience of sharing time together IN PERSON.
Jess and I had been friends online, after meeting on TW, for 4 1/2 yrs. We chat on nearly a daily basis with infrequent exceptions. Despite her many pictures, I was surprised at her appearance. She was slender with a cute face and far more feminine than her protestations would lead one to believe....but then she told me the same thing.....and I think I had as much trouble accepting that as she did. Yet I'm sure we were both describing what we saw in the other. Still, I was now sure that she would be quite attractive when dressed and made up properly. In fact, I underestimated the effect.
The first two days involved a significant part of my recovering from the two trips. My muscles ached and I was fatigued. Still, Jessica sleeps in late and was on vacation and so in the morning I took a long walk around the area, grabbed a snack and drink at a 7-11 store, discussed science fiction with the clerk, and wandered by all the local shops. I returned home, refreshed by the semi-rural, fresh, Virgina morning air, feeling like my vacation had really started. I certainly was not in L.A. any more, Dorothy.
The two days I took to recover from my trip gave Jess time to fully adjust to my presence. I was comfortable with her from the moment we met. After all, we had NO secrets from each other about what and who we were. We were both so happy to be together. We were family.
Jess was the first to appear fully en femme.
It pleased me that she was so comfortable around me and soon we both got in the pattern of going out during the day and for dinner and coming home to dress up. I had brought an enormous amount of jewelry and makeup with me since i did not know Jessica's color season until after I got there. After we figured her out I was able to give her some additional makeup from my generic collection of colors. We turned out to have the same warm, ivory skin tone though our hair and eyes were different. Jessica spent the week getting fully made up for the first time while I stuck with safe colors I knew worked for me, as an example, and got a little fancier with mine such as blending eye shadows and shading with different tones of foundation to reshape my face. Once Sundance and I have discussed a range of colors for Jessica for clothing and makeup we'll work on more advanced techniques on our next meeting. She did very well on her own so I just made an occasional observation, mostly positive. It was heart warming to look across the living room and see Jess watching television. She would be relaxed, very feminine in her body position and movement. Quite an attractive young woman...and Jess looks far younger than her age. And happy. It was so good to see her smiling and excited. I was having a better time than I ever can without Sundance around to shine. It was so right. I never had a second's anxiety at being a girl in front of Jess. As the week wore on we worked on other things such as walking in heels. It was just big sister teaching little sister things girls learn from girls.
As is typical of me, I am braver when it's for another. Having a companion also gives one courage. We went shopping frequently. At first I offered to pay for things when we shopped for makeup and such, but Jess quickly summed up the courage and insisted on doing it herself and then started doing it by herself. I was so proud of my little sis. Before long we were ignoring those around us. Our level of public interaction was demonstrated to us when a gay couple that was shopping near us misinterpreted our companionship as being a "couple" and began talking with us in a very social way. Jess and I smiled at each other. I don't suppose it had anything to do with us giggling over a package of "Spotted Dick" in the International Food section as well as a few other similarly misleading food names. I tried to teach Jess some consumer tricks while we marketed to help her budget better. I had mixed feelings about my plans to teach her to cook more things going under to our frequent meals out....which I almost never get to do and loved. She did, however, learn to bake a very lovely chocolate cake with cocoa butter frosting in her sorely underequipped kitchen. She also made her excellent chili in a batch too big to consume in a week, lol. It was nice to have it in the fridge when hunger hit hard. And bless her, she kept me floating in Coke Zero. She treated me wonderfully and saw I lacked nothing, replacing my dead watch with one I now wear all the time, even though my "dead" watch spontaneously restarted by the time I got home to CA. Amazing, since a watch repair person was unable to salvage it.
Our last weekend together, disaster hit again. Jess got called into work on the weekend to deal with a disaster. She was so upset that I rescheduled myself to leave three days later than planned which, despite her being back at work, gave us 4 evenings together instead of two days.
We both changed. Jess already gender bends when out, as do I. I have so much girl clothes in my wardrobe now I often don't know what is. Men never notice but I'm sure women do at times. If a week alone can stimulate Wendy's recovery, imagine what a week together can do. I was standing in the makeup section discussing products openly with Jess. Once she fled around the corner as a woman wandered up, but only once, a recidivistic panic that I'm sure many of us have experienced. I just kept talking like she was still there and ignoring the woman's presence. I was in full Wendy-mode mentally. It didn't stop there. I have realized other changes occured gradually over the two months I was away and the time since I have returned....but later for that. I had crossed another line, at least shared my closet with another and left the door open a bit. And I found that I liked having company, even in there. It was like TW on........estrogen. I have spent so much of my time alone over my lifetime with the desire that nobody know, I have had some struggle at times with the concept of "why do I need to go out in public?" Yes, when dressed, I often get that, seemingly rash and crazed desire to push the limits.....drive a car, take a walk at night....many of you have experience the intoxicatoin of the "danger". I have tried to find a rationalization for it. Wendy enticing Him with sexuality to let her "out"? Could it be simply a gender-jumbled brain function with no rational reason, just there? So calm and rational I ask, "Why?" "Why would you risk public exposure and the potential hazards.....physical and emotional? I guess the real answer, at this time, is spending time being yourself with others who understand and accept. Being able to relax and have fun the way I did with Jessica. To actually "live" as Wendy and not simple "dress up" as Wendy. It can seem like people telling you to try a drug...."really, it's a great high, you will like it", while you are aware of the dangers. You can not know, until you experience what they have, what it feels like to go "out" en femme WITH OTHERS! I have had a taste of it now, with Jessica, and I have an idea what it will be like. The approach-avoidance, on an emotional, not intellectual level, has shifted significantly to the approach side. The avoidance has decreased somewhat, but it is far outperformed by my desire for more of what I experienced during that time with Jessica. It has gone from an intellectual "this is something i should experience" to a middle-of-the-road "this is something I want to do" to a "this is something I MUST do....something I must not miss." I have found places where I can get my dental work done free and one where I might be able start by having my teeth extracted under general anesthesia, for free, opening up the path to dentures/implants. That and a job are now the sole barriers to Wendy's first Night Out and I want that to happen soon. PRIDE WEEKEND and Parade is in June. It would be nice if I can get it done by then. I'd like to get into my own A/C apt before summer's heat hits.
Saying "goodby" was hard. Jess is a truly wonderful, fun person to spend time with. She's smart, clever, funny, kind, caring. She's going to make somebody a wonderful wife. Our plan is for her next trip to be to CA where we will do some major shopping and sightseeing. And who knows what else. We want to take a trip to Provincetown. We want to meet Joni, possibly in Seattle or L.A. or Las Vegas. With gas down, our Road Trip is back on the menu as well. Perhaps a serpentine drive from Denver through NM, AZ and Las Vegas on the way to time in L.A.
Wednesday morning. Jess drops me off back at Richmond, VA–Staples Mill Rd. Station. My bags about 25 pounds lighter as my sis has volunteered to ship my girl stuff home to CA along with a big box of computer games she has passed along to me, many of which will run on my old PIII laptop and may of which I have longed to play. The weight difference is a Goddesssend. It is to make my future travels managable and far more pleasant. We arrive just in time, lol. We hug warmly and part. Time pressure for both of us forcing the departure to be quick and relatively painless.
I was on my way back to NYC for the next part of my vacation.
NEXT: WENDY IS NOT HAPPY
