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  • 17 Mar 2017
    Hello I run. I do so because it keeps me sane, keeps me healthy and gives me space. I have been running throughout the 'Winter' which has been mild and quite dry here in London and I am missing the acidic crisp January mornings that heightened my senses and kept my on my toes. As winter turns to Spring, my early morning companion is departing and so I am increasingly running at dawn or in daylight. No more tripping over scurrying foxes. My clothing is changing too. Full length running tights ow too warm and shorts return. Stealthy tight wearing confined to the drawer again. I look forward to Spring and re-birth and of growth warmth and sunlight, but for the covert and secretive Winter and darkness are our friends. Wrapping cosseting layers are able to conceal discrepancies and nuances, whereas Summer is brazen, revealing and open. The body here is fine - I run, remember?, but unplucked, unshaven and evidently masculine I cannot run quickly enough from reality. Here's to a great summer, of record breaking romantic evenings and balmy star lit caresses. But let some of us anticipate the gentle embrace of a concealing drape and the cosseting wrap of a softly hung profile. You can run, but evidently some must also hide. Rachel x
    536 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Hello I run. I do so because it keeps me sane, keeps me healthy and gives me space. I have been running throughout the 'Winter' which has been mild and quite dry here in London and I am missing the acidic crisp January mornings that heightened my senses and kept my on my toes. As winter turns to Spring, my early morning companion is departing and so I am increasingly running at dawn or in daylight. No more tripping over scurrying foxes. My clothing is changing too. Full length running tights ow too warm and shorts return. Stealthy tight wearing confined to the drawer again. I look forward to Spring and re-birth and of growth warmth and sunlight, but for the covert and secretive Winter and darkness are our friends. Wrapping cosseting layers are able to conceal discrepancies and nuances, whereas Summer is brazen, revealing and open. The body here is fine - I run, remember?, but unplucked, unshaven and evidently masculine I cannot run quickly enough from reality. Here's to a great summer, of record breaking romantic evenings and balmy star lit caresses. But let some of us anticipate the gentle embrace of a concealing drape and the cosseting wrap of a softly hung profile. You can run, but evidently some must also hide. Rachel x
    Mar 17, 2017 536
  • 10 Feb 2017
    A Transgender Social Contract Just how a Transgender may think or feel in the light of their own Humanism may vary with as many possibilities as the human being can conceive of. Since life formed individuals have been participating and making incentive to initiate their own evolutionary outcomes and what presupposes their own birth rights. In this article I am attempting to find what makes transgender social and political individuals to a greater or lesser degree based on their own individual choice. I will be asking questions based on an overwhelming feeling that to Transgender is in fact becoming one’s own Mother Nature in what governs Human Identity, but we will see that the dynamics of Gender Identity n the broader sense of sexual relationships and sexual identity is in fact an actualization or realization of individual psycho dynamics which govern the personality development thus warranting a transition in ones own expression of personal and human development. Morality- The Transgender man or woman begins to embrace their gender identity normally early on, as they can be made to feel that their feelings, their very likes and dislikes may be appropriate or inappropriate. The example of the Transgender in their role is one that calls for an embrace of their personally perceived gender identity making and creating the normalcy based on their own forms of self perception. In this embrace the transgender walks  accepted by their community not as strange or deviant but perhaps as different, refreshing, charismatic, and attractive. By being honest with ones family in questioning and demonstrating their gender of personal edifice, the family may or may not be accepting of the complete transition, or pronoun preference, but the damage will soon turn to water under the bridge, as the imagination of the transgender takes off, and the family sees their child as the fruition of all of their ambitions, hopes and dreams, from living in the world of their true aspirations. Transgender’s have a great deal of faith in the unknown weather they like it or not, when placing their faith in the spirit of walking at ease in the world knowing that they were guided by  a providence that only opened doors to their inner being, can help a Transgender see that their maybe a divine entity that has guided them across the waters to full approval of their sexual identity. Historically Religions have made room in their beliefs for equality. For transgenders to say I am here I feel loved I am not to be discriminated against is the testimony we make to show our personal moral assets which all governing bodies of religions must include.   Socialization- Are Transgenders a political animal, in answer to the question it may be fair that the majority tend o be liberal, yet there is a fair number who would claim to be conservative. While like any population some may tend towards promiscuity a large percentage would be more oriented toward monogamy. However the truth is Transgenders still are held to be governed by one’s point of view, that labor, and marriage laws seemingly become superstitious in some sense for some transgenders. The History of acceptable Sexual and Gender Identity has changed over time, with new insight into the dynamics of what determines the male and female body. It is thought that being and becoming transgender may qualify as a genetic fulfillment of a variation from birth, such that the mind, body and spirit is one that ought to adjust and readjust to their designed gender let alone their assigned gender. Coming out to the community and society, to employers and spouses is something which is done on principle, and can happen at any time based on one’s own intuition. Yet the principle of coming out as Transgender is still very much of an imperative for understanding what in their past they have chosen to let go of, and what forgotten memories they hold on to, and critically for basing a relationship on an honest appraisal of one’s moral character. living as a transitioned gender may incite one to have questions such as where does one begin, and is this being done for someone else. The reasons and if you like the scrupulous context in which transgenders live as their gender is one that opens the doors for new insight into possibilities, and discoveries that otherwise might not have existed for the individual in society.   Family and Relationships- Being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender has certain societal implication that one ascribes to  a community that is accepting of their sexual and gender preferences. Having  a Transgender orientation may have it’s own set of implications for family members that may or may not, but to some degree imply measures of separation.To children of transgenders it holds the question of referencing one’s biological parent, who they are now, and who  the children are now. In all forums of family being transgender  is at root an individual gender identity preference, yet as all attempts lead to stale mate, transitioning will include family with differing degrees of closeness and acceptance of the transgenders identity. A Transgender achieves ethical behavior by including themselves in part of the discussion, stating pejoratives in anything  they seek to accomplish, what their goals are, an in depth look at ones psychology and what all had been their aspirations, helps society to include and welcome transgenders as an integral function of how society can develop. In essence, on a spiritual plane, when the “I” becomes a “WE” society can feel more comfortable welcoming transgenders to include political, artistic, family, and educational principles by seeing that the transgenders orientation is not one to be overlooked based on their demeanor, but radically may serve to help for the great many institutions that welcome such expressions. In sum a Welcoming LGBT family will welcome the gender orientation of their transgender family member when they see that the same governing principles that they abide by also ascribes to them, that the principle of being part of a whole institutionalized world is, and ought to remain the same without question as to gender preference, orientation or identity. Ego and Examination of Self- There is in the course of the Transgenders life the duty to assert that their life is not composed of the same gender assigned at birth. That this revelation, and assertion of ones predetermined disposition will be the very core of the transgenders existence perhaps through out their entire life. The very fact that they live in their world as the opposite sex will become the turning point in how they wish to be seen  by their families, the community and society. The social climate for many transgenders can be very tense, if not anxious and thought provoking. Their behavior may be either risky or reserved. Though certainly not everything the tolerance and understanding to help reassure the transgender in their stages of ambiguity may be an act of saving lives and the incarnations of shattered selves which must come out, and up to the surface to be made anew. Transgenders do not lack faith or belief in themselves, their testimony of absolute conviction which serves as the voice of reason as to the many different variations and developments that serve as their testimony in achieving an appropriate gender expression, that is based on their chosen gender identity. This ability to transition comfortably and respectfully is the mark of humanity that the self governing transgender who lives in society must make to be welcomed by  a society that has it’s history in equality and gender equality.
    628 Posted by Robben Wainer
  • A Transgender Social Contract Just how a Transgender may think or feel in the light of their own Humanism may vary with as many possibilities as the human being can conceive of. Since life formed individuals have been participating and making incentive to initiate their own evolutionary outcomes and what presupposes their own birth rights. In this article I am attempting to find what makes transgender social and political individuals to a greater or lesser degree based on their own individual choice. I will be asking questions based on an overwhelming feeling that to Transgender is in fact becoming one’s own Mother Nature in what governs Human Identity, but we will see that the dynamics of Gender Identity n the broader sense of sexual relationships and sexual identity is in fact an actualization or realization of individual psycho dynamics which govern the personality development thus warranting a transition in ones own expression of personal and human development. Morality- The Transgender man or woman begins to embrace their gender identity normally early on, as they can be made to feel that their feelings, their very likes and dislikes may be appropriate or inappropriate. The example of the Transgender in their role is one that calls for an embrace of their personally perceived gender identity making and creating the normalcy based on their own forms of self perception. In this embrace the transgender walks  accepted by their community not as strange or deviant but perhaps as different, refreshing, charismatic, and attractive. By being honest with ones family in questioning and demonstrating their gender of personal edifice, the family may or may not be accepting of the complete transition, or pronoun preference, but the damage will soon turn to water under the bridge, as the imagination of the transgender takes off, and the family sees their child as the fruition of all of their ambitions, hopes and dreams, from living in the world of their true aspirations. Transgender’s have a great deal of faith in the unknown weather they like it or not, when placing their faith in the spirit of walking at ease in the world knowing that they were guided by  a providence that only opened doors to their inner being, can help a Transgender see that their maybe a divine entity that has guided them across the waters to full approval of their sexual identity. Historically Religions have made room in their beliefs for equality. For transgenders to say I am here I feel loved I am not to be discriminated against is the testimony we make to show our personal moral assets which all governing bodies of religions must include.   Socialization- Are Transgenders a political animal, in answer to the question it may be fair that the majority tend o be liberal, yet there is a fair number who would claim to be conservative. While like any population some may tend towards promiscuity a large percentage would be more oriented toward monogamy. However the truth is Transgenders still are held to be governed by one’s point of view, that labor, and marriage laws seemingly become superstitious in some sense for some transgenders. The History of acceptable Sexual and Gender Identity has changed over time, with new insight into the dynamics of what determines the male and female body. It is thought that being and becoming transgender may qualify as a genetic fulfillment of a variation from birth, such that the mind, body and spirit is one that ought to adjust and readjust to their designed gender let alone their assigned gender. Coming out to the community and society, to employers and spouses is something which is done on principle, and can happen at any time based on one’s own intuition. Yet the principle of coming out as Transgender is still very much of an imperative for understanding what in their past they have chosen to let go of, and what forgotten memories they hold on to, and critically for basing a relationship on an honest appraisal of one’s moral character. living as a transitioned gender may incite one to have questions such as where does one begin, and is this being done for someone else. The reasons and if you like the scrupulous context in which transgenders live as their gender is one that opens the doors for new insight into possibilities, and discoveries that otherwise might not have existed for the individual in society.   Family and Relationships- Being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender has certain societal implication that one ascribes to  a community that is accepting of their sexual and gender preferences. Having  a Transgender orientation may have it’s own set of implications for family members that may or may not, but to some degree imply measures of separation.To children of transgenders it holds the question of referencing one’s biological parent, who they are now, and who  the children are now. In all forums of family being transgender  is at root an individual gender identity preference, yet as all attempts lead to stale mate, transitioning will include family with differing degrees of closeness and acceptance of the transgenders identity. A Transgender achieves ethical behavior by including themselves in part of the discussion, stating pejoratives in anything  they seek to accomplish, what their goals are, an in depth look at ones psychology and what all had been their aspirations, helps society to include and welcome transgenders as an integral function of how society can develop. In essence, on a spiritual plane, when the “I” becomes a “WE” society can feel more comfortable welcoming transgenders to include political, artistic, family, and educational principles by seeing that the transgenders orientation is not one to be overlooked based on their demeanor, but radically may serve to help for the great many institutions that welcome such expressions. In sum a Welcoming LGBT family will welcome the gender orientation of their transgender family member when they see that the same governing principles that they abide by also ascribes to them, that the principle of being part of a whole institutionalized world is, and ought to remain the same without question as to gender preference, orientation or identity. Ego and Examination of Self- There is in the course of the Transgenders life the duty to assert that their life is not composed of the same gender assigned at birth. That this revelation, and assertion of ones predetermined disposition will be the very core of the transgenders existence perhaps through out their entire life. The very fact that they live in their world as the opposite sex will become the turning point in how they wish to be seen  by their families, the community and society. The social climate for many transgenders can be very tense, if not anxious and thought provoking. Their behavior may be either risky or reserved. Though certainly not everything the tolerance and understanding to help reassure the transgender in their stages of ambiguity may be an act of saving lives and the incarnations of shattered selves which must come out, and up to the surface to be made anew. Transgenders do not lack faith or belief in themselves, their testimony of absolute conviction which serves as the voice of reason as to the many different variations and developments that serve as their testimony in achieving an appropriate gender expression, that is based on their chosen gender identity. This ability to transition comfortably and respectfully is the mark of humanity that the self governing transgender who lives in society must make to be welcomed by  a society that has it’s history in equality and gender equality.
    Feb 10, 2017 628
  • 02 Feb 2017
    lots of years have gone by .., and now today I am preparing myself for first surgical referall appointment .Done the psycho babble stuff,done the difficult long term relationship [ emotional volcanoes,and hurricane damage..followed by long term healing.]Things come to pass.I am just thinking I have ended up breaking a lot of bad cycles  of behaviour through those years.There really is not to much to say at this point  other than this is the way I need to go to be me , and develop as me . My long term partner is still with me . Best wishes to everyone at GS 
    588 Posted by Donna V
  • By Donna V
    lots of years have gone by .., and now today I am preparing myself for first surgical referall appointment .Done the psycho babble stuff,done the difficult long term relationship [ emotional volcanoes,and hurricane damage..followed by long term healing.]Things come to pass.I am just thinking I have ended up breaking a lot of bad cycles  of behaviour through those years.There really is not to much to say at this point  other than this is the way I need to go to be me , and develop as me . My long term partner is still with me . Best wishes to everyone at GS 
    Feb 02, 2017 588
  • 12 Jan 2017
    Apparently a BBC documentary is to be shown tomorow which degrades Transgender Individuald, with particular reference to transgender Children.   The 'in-house expert featured is Kenneth Zucker, a Canadian psychologist with a contraversial approach to transgender children leading to his dismissal after running a Toronto Identity clinic (Canada's largest child gender clinic) in the Centre ror Addiction and Mental Health for over 30 years. Zucher opposes the widely favoured 'affirmative approach' and disaproves of parents allowing children with gender dysphoria to live as their chosen sex   His unconventional views in present society supports the misconception that trans children are mentally disturbed and that appropriate treatment will cure them. Zucher's 'preaching' appears to be  that of the 'curing' of transgender status. He appears convinced that these children have unappreciated underlying mental health and psychological issues; and a highly critical external review revealed that his clinic encouraged parents of trans children to 'limit cross gender behaviour'.   Zucher's reply to his critics apparently was that his sacking as a considered recognised authority on Childhood gender dysphoria was due to the politicisation of transgender issues, and challenging the gender affirmative approach.   His earlier statements stated that his goal was "lowering the odds that as such a kid gets older he or she will move into adolescence feeling so uncomfortable about their gender identity that they think that it would be better to live as the other gender ". In the BBC documentary he denies that he ahd practiced conversion therapy and calls his approach 'develomentally informed therapy.   In 1990 he spoke out in favour of discouraging children to be gay because, " a homosexual lifestyle in a basically unaccepting culture simply creates unnecessary social difficulties".   I, for one, will not be watching tomorrow.
  • Apparently a BBC documentary is to be shown tomorow which degrades Transgender Individuald, with particular reference to transgender Children.   The 'in-house expert featured is Kenneth Zucker, a Canadian psychologist with a contraversial approach to transgender children leading to his dismissal after running a Toronto Identity clinic (Canada's largest child gender clinic) in the Centre ror Addiction and Mental Health for over 30 years. Zucher opposes the widely favoured 'affirmative approach' and disaproves of parents allowing children with gender dysphoria to live as their chosen sex   His unconventional views in present society supports the misconception that trans children are mentally disturbed and that appropriate treatment will cure them. Zucher's 'preaching' appears to be  that of the 'curing' of transgender status. He appears convinced that these children have unappreciated underlying mental health and psychological issues; and a highly critical external review revealed that his clinic encouraged parents of trans children to 'limit cross gender behaviour'.   Zucher's reply to his critics apparently was that his sacking as a considered recognised authority on Childhood gender dysphoria was due to the politicisation of transgender issues, and challenging the gender affirmative approach.   His earlier statements stated that his goal was "lowering the odds that as such a kid gets older he or she will move into adolescence feeling so uncomfortable about their gender identity that they think that it would be better to live as the other gender ". In the BBC documentary he denies that he ahd practiced conversion therapy and calls his approach 'develomentally informed therapy.   In 1990 he spoke out in favour of discouraging children to be gay because, " a homosexual lifestyle in a basically unaccepting culture simply creates unnecessary social difficulties".   I, for one, will not be watching tomorrow.
    Jan 12, 2017 805
  • 28 Dec 2016
    I have frequently been asked what i think about using GP online services for Thansgender persons awaiting the long-drawn out first Gender Identity Clinic appointment. Internet enabled private GP services tend to cost £40 to £60 per appointment   All private suppliers say they are taking pressure off the NHS; but have had no impact on the rapidly escalating waiting times for GIC appointments.   The GP contract prohibits seeing ones own patients privately, but not those registered with another practice.   Control of sex hormone therapy requires baseline blood and general-health checks. After three months, the blood tests (including liver function tests) need repeating and the dosage of hormones titrated until acceptable levels are achieved. On-line consultations do not include blood tests.   Some medics call this trpe of 'treatment' - "Martini Medicine". Beware the inevitable hang-over, and/or genuine risk of liver damage.
  • I have frequently been asked what i think about using GP online services for Thansgender persons awaiting the long-drawn out first Gender Identity Clinic appointment. Internet enabled private GP services tend to cost £40 to £60 per appointment   All private suppliers say they are taking pressure off the NHS; but have had no impact on the rapidly escalating waiting times for GIC appointments.   The GP contract prohibits seeing ones own patients privately, but not those registered with another practice.   Control of sex hormone therapy requires baseline blood and general-health checks. After three months, the blood tests (including liver function tests) need repeating and the dosage of hormones titrated until acceptable levels are achieved. On-line consultations do not include blood tests.   Some medics call this trpe of 'treatment' - "Martini Medicine". Beware the inevitable hang-over, and/or genuine risk of liver damage.
    Dec 28, 2016 831
  • 25 Dec 2016
    Normally I don't make New Years resolutions but this year I'm afraid I have to, to keep my sanity. As my Mom used to say -- is going to Hell in a handbasket. You can fill in the blank with whatever you like. The town I live in is all a mess. They think small while making believe it's a big deal. The state the town is located in is very busy fighting over who can go to the public restrooms. The nation is in big trouble. The "electorate" has chosen the wrong people to run things on a promise to make big changes. Unfortunately the changes that are going to be made are all "smoke and mirrors" as my Dad used to call false promises. So my resolution is to start talking to anyone who will listen. Maybe I can get them to see the light of truth and maybe they will talk to others and start the ball rolling for a better tomorrow. Happy New Year  
    677 Posted by Mary Grace
  • Normally I don't make New Years resolutions but this year I'm afraid I have to, to keep my sanity. As my Mom used to say -- is going to Hell in a handbasket. You can fill in the blank with whatever you like. The town I live in is all a mess. They think small while making believe it's a big deal. The state the town is located in is very busy fighting over who can go to the public restrooms. The nation is in big trouble. The "electorate" has chosen the wrong people to run things on a promise to make big changes. Unfortunately the changes that are going to be made are all "smoke and mirrors" as my Dad used to call false promises. So my resolution is to start talking to anyone who will listen. Maybe I can get them to see the light of truth and maybe they will talk to others and start the ball rolling for a better tomorrow. Happy New Year  
    Dec 25, 2016 677
  • 25 Nov 2016
    My Woman's libido is as soft as a dove with the bittersweet ambiance of honey cilantro, parsley and lemon peels, my heart shaped bottom is the hilltop overlooking the waterfall. the milk from my breast is the pitter patter of light rain gently brushing against my cheeks, the goddess Demetar is my mother, her wisdom is our shared ego. For hours I sit with my aspiration to coax her into laying with me. As the beaches are filled with divine inspiration, and the strength of women like us pour out of photo albums. My story is that I am her bowel fertilizing and cleaving to the Earth, with the untamed  passion of sisterhood being united.Often times I write in my diary how being a woman's private playgirl gives me  a feeling of authenticity. My wife is dominant I am only her Lesbian slave. I look across the forest to see the grasshoppers and lillies spring forth in the bloom of my budding breasts. I see her as the Mother Earth whose blessing overflows giving birth to a new sun set. Warrior women we are, we cryout only for the unyielding kisses to last for infinity. For each moment I am cradled as her babe, I know as a daughter of the Goddess of virgins that my sole being is being held by a power supreme.
    636 Posted by Robben Wainer
  • My Woman's libido is as soft as a dove with the bittersweet ambiance of honey cilantro, parsley and lemon peels, my heart shaped bottom is the hilltop overlooking the waterfall. the milk from my breast is the pitter patter of light rain gently brushing against my cheeks, the goddess Demetar is my mother, her wisdom is our shared ego. For hours I sit with my aspiration to coax her into laying with me. As the beaches are filled with divine inspiration, and the strength of women like us pour out of photo albums. My story is that I am her bowel fertilizing and cleaving to the Earth, with the untamed  passion of sisterhood being united.Often times I write in my diary how being a woman's private playgirl gives me  a feeling of authenticity. My wife is dominant I am only her Lesbian slave. I look across the forest to see the grasshoppers and lillies spring forth in the bloom of my budding breasts. I see her as the Mother Earth whose blessing overflows giving birth to a new sun set. Warrior women we are, we cryout only for the unyielding kisses to last for infinity. For each moment I am cradled as her babe, I know as a daughter of the Goddess of virgins that my sole being is being held by a power supreme.
    Nov 25, 2016 636
  • 20 Nov 2016
    Due at the Day of Remembrance today (as every year), 20th November; I made a last minute decision not to go; and, to return home remembering those murdered in the last year, and all those who may have gone before.   SHOCK, HORROR !!!   I learned, on Facebook, as I sat alone enjoying afternoon tea in the Richmond Tea-Rooms, of the last minute ( 'on the spur of the moment" quote ) decision of somebody from way across the country (******1) to attend the Sackville Gardens for the TDoR service at 4.30pm. She desired to 'meet up' with any friends who may also happen to be in the area.   I should have brasened it out; but, naturally a coward and still wounded, I fled to Piccadilly (3 minutes away), as there was no hope that I could avoid her in 'The Gardens', On Bar or at a meal in 'Villaggios or Velvet: Latte coffee in Carluccios and the Chester via Altrincham train home. At home, I discovered (again on Facebook) that my sole living cousin, was dining in the Northern Sector at 6pm, with her regular girl-friends. Well, you can't win them all!   SPARKLE WEEKEND: Sunday afternoon, 10th July, North Cheshire: 'The Tale of the Missing Car-keys". ******1 and my sister not so much 'fell out as 'took a healthy dislike to each other', after their initial and final meeting, on spending a weekend together. I suddenly came to realise, when the keys 'turned up with a magician's flourish, what had previously been apparent and obvious to all others, but not untill that day to me.   I later promised a concerned sister that i would distance myself from ******1, and not turn up at the forthcoming bi-annual meeting in early August. I never break promises; but, I fatally did, on this regrettable occasion.   GIRLS AWAY-WEEKEND: Sunday afternoon, 14th August, North Yorkshire   One of our committee I have been asked to speak to you by ******1, who left before lunch. I do not intend to make any judgement or to take sides in this matter, as I am a friend of both of you. However, I am happy to talk with you at any time in the future, as an impartial friend, on this matter, if you so wish. She has had a long talk with me this morning; with regard to your greatly distressing and upsetting her here on Saturday, and effectively your having completely spoiled her weekend. She asked me to inform you that she has reached a decision about you and for me to inform you:- 1) That she has absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever, nor ever had 2) She never ever wants you to contact her again, under any circumstances and by any means whatsoever 3) And, she wishes you to know that if you do contact her, she will be very, very angry.   When I had composed myself, I cleaned up my tear-stained face; collected my lap-top from my room, and strolled into the reception area of the hotel: I joined my great friend ****e working on her lap-top. When I reached my Facebook page, there was an 03.47 Sunday morning post by ******1. I asked if ****e could spare the time to read it: she did, paused and said   "You've had a very lucky escape!"   It was far too painful to potentially 'accidentally' meet her today: so, as well as breaking my heart, she spoils my annual Manchester TDoR Sunday, spoils my evening arrangements and invades my territory! I am sure there are TDoR Memorial Services nearer to Suffolk!   Oh: my crime.... well I am sure you can guess what 'total' surprise (to her alone) she forced out of me; after she was informed by an unknown third party that I had just gone in to Town, in tears, with ****e on her mobility scooter, at noon on the Saturday (co-incidentally the "sddest day of the year" in the Jewish calendar). She set off down the hill from our hotel, sought me out and met me as I was returning. On our subsequent lunch-time walk to Hoopers tea=rooms, I fatally dropped my guard and told her how I felt, that fateful and dreadful Saturday in August, 2016.  
  • Due at the Day of Remembrance today (as every year), 20th November; I made a last minute decision not to go; and, to return home remembering those murdered in the last year, and all those who may have gone before.   SHOCK, HORROR !!!   I learned, on Facebook, as I sat alone enjoying afternoon tea in the Richmond Tea-Rooms, of the last minute ( 'on the spur of the moment" quote ) decision of somebody from way across the country (******1) to attend the Sackville Gardens for the TDoR service at 4.30pm. She desired to 'meet up' with any friends who may also happen to be in the area.   I should have brasened it out; but, naturally a coward and still wounded, I fled to Piccadilly (3 minutes away), as there was no hope that I could avoid her in 'The Gardens', On Bar or at a meal in 'Villaggios or Velvet: Latte coffee in Carluccios and the Chester via Altrincham train home. At home, I discovered (again on Facebook) that my sole living cousin, was dining in the Northern Sector at 6pm, with her regular girl-friends. Well, you can't win them all!   SPARKLE WEEKEND: Sunday afternoon, 10th July, North Cheshire: 'The Tale of the Missing Car-keys". ******1 and my sister not so much 'fell out as 'took a healthy dislike to each other', after their initial and final meeting, on spending a weekend together. I suddenly came to realise, when the keys 'turned up with a magician's flourish, what had previously been apparent and obvious to all others, but not untill that day to me.   I later promised a concerned sister that i would distance myself from ******1, and not turn up at the forthcoming bi-annual meeting in early August. I never break promises; but, I fatally did, on this regrettable occasion.   GIRLS AWAY-WEEKEND: Sunday afternoon, 14th August, North Yorkshire   One of our committee I have been asked to speak to you by ******1, who left before lunch. I do not intend to make any judgement or to take sides in this matter, as I am a friend of both of you. However, I am happy to talk with you at any time in the future, as an impartial friend, on this matter, if you so wish. She has had a long talk with me this morning; with regard to your greatly distressing and upsetting her here on Saturday, and effectively your having completely spoiled her weekend. She asked me to inform you that she has reached a decision about you and for me to inform you:- 1) That she has absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever, nor ever had 2) She never ever wants you to contact her again, under any circumstances and by any means whatsoever 3) And, she wishes you to know that if you do contact her, she will be very, very angry.   When I had composed myself, I cleaned up my tear-stained face; collected my lap-top from my room, and strolled into the reception area of the hotel: I joined my great friend ****e working on her lap-top. When I reached my Facebook page, there was an 03.47 Sunday morning post by ******1. I asked if ****e could spare the time to read it: she did, paused and said   "You've had a very lucky escape!"   It was far too painful to potentially 'accidentally' meet her today: so, as well as breaking my heart, she spoils my annual Manchester TDoR Sunday, spoils my evening arrangements and invades my territory! I am sure there are TDoR Memorial Services nearer to Suffolk!   Oh: my crime.... well I am sure you can guess what 'total' surprise (to her alone) she forced out of me; after she was informed by an unknown third party that I had just gone in to Town, in tears, with ****e on her mobility scooter, at noon on the Saturday (co-incidentally the "sddest day of the year" in the Jewish calendar). She set off down the hill from our hotel, sought me out and met me as I was returning. On our subsequent lunch-time walk to Hoopers tea=rooms, I fatally dropped my guard and told her how I felt, that fateful and dreadful Saturday in August, 2016.  
    Nov 20, 2016 646
  • 15 Nov 2016
    Last night I was chatting with a fan on Instagram from Argentina about the current state of America and what it's like being a trans person. He said he's been interviewing trans women from around the world about our experiences and he asked me for to answer some questions for a magazine article he's writing. We did this by email because I don't have Skype on my recently new phone yet. Here's the questions and answers we sent to each other --------------- (( _ How was the beginning? When did you decide that you wanted to be Devi?)) It was always my deep dark secret that I wished to be a woman, I repressed it for many years because I didn't think it was possible. I thought I was stuck being a guy forever so I tried to fill the role as best as possible but it caused countless problems in my life and just never felt right. In my early 20s my feelings of wishing to be a girl returned but stronger than ever. I began researching genital surgery, hormones, transition and what it meant to be trans. Fashion design and making clothing for close friends and girlfriends has always been a hobby of mine but at some point around age 22 or 23 I started wearing some of the skirts and corsets I made in private. After work I would get myself all dolled up and prance around the house until I later fell asleep in lingerie. I actually used to have a French Maid outfit that I would wear while cleaning the house lol. It felt so right. I badly wanted to go out in public dolled up but I was too afraid to. At age 24 I couldn't keep my deep dark secret in any more so on Halloween of that year I let Devi be born. Leading up to that night was a series of small events that helped me realize that I'm not a crossdresser, I'm not a guy with a kink, I'm not a guy who wants to be a girl, I am not a guy, I am a girl. It took a lot of soul searching and deep meditation to realize that I am a woman, and that's why I hated myself for so many years. ((_ How was the reaction of your family and friends?)) I really have no family or living relatives so I guess I lucked out in not having to come out to family. My friends mostly didn't take it well. They all knew me as a straight male. I've always been the goth/ alternative type so my friends were used to me painting my nails, dying my hair, wearing make up and wearing strange clothes. I was always pretty eccentric and many of my antics bordered on insanity. My friends knew I wasn't a normal person and knew I didnt really relate to them in any way but for some reason they just couldn't accept me as a woman. I had to let a lot of them go because they refused to stop using my old name and refused to stop calling me a He and Him. This of coarse was unacceptable. I tried to explain to them that I was miserable in my old life, I badly hated myself and was often suicidal because of it. My deep self loathing caused me to have alcoholic and drug addict tendencies, violent outbursts towards the people around me, trips to jail for petty crimes and countless psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and doctors not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. I kicked all my old friends out of my life because they seemed to like me better when I was miserable. Most of them weren't happy for me and constantly tried to get me to change my mind. I had to let them go because my transition is all about bettering my life, being a better person, finally being happy and finally loving myself. If my friends don't want me to be happy then they aren't really friends. ((_ Which were your fears at the beginning of the process?)) In the begining of coarse I was afraid that people wouldn't accept me. I was afraid that everyone would leave me and I'd be alone. Luckily the ones who did leave were ones I don't miss and I've made plenty of new, real friends who are happy for me and support my life decisions. Also of coarse I was afraid of never passing. I don't want to be seen as a guy in a dress. I didn't want to be seen as anything else but a natural born woman. Now days I'm proud to be trans and I live my life openly so that hopefully I can inspire other girls who might be too afraid to come out. Another big fear I had was never being able to afford the cost of transition. I was afraid I would never get health insurance to cover the hormones and thought I'd be stuck with a male body forever. I have health insurance now and have been on hormones for over a year but still will have to pay out of pocket for any surgeries and hair removal. That's still a fear of mine, that I will never be able to afford electrolysis to remove all the horrible and pesky facial and body hair and the genital operations. ((_ Which changes (without the physical aspect) can you see in yourself? Either in personality or stuff like that.)) Well, I'm happy now. I don't go through phases of deep depression anymore. I'm not quite as shy as I used to be and I'm starting to be more outgoing. I can feel a range of emotion now, something I used to have a problem with. I can cry now when it's appropriate, that I never used to be able to do. I learned I enjoy dancing, especially pole dancing. I used to be terrified of crowds and the dance floor but now I greatly enjoy it. My taste in music is a little different. I've always liked rock, hard rock, metal, heavy metal, dubstep, etc but before I leaned towards more moody and dark depressing music. These days I tend to prefer more industrial, ebm, dancy type of music. I still like rock and metal but now I lean more towards upbeat goth nightclub type of music that makes me want to dance. My sexuality has changed a lot as well. I'm obviously not a straight male anymore. I'm still attracted to women but also am attracted to transgirls and androgenous boys. Im not really concerned with what's in their pants but I prefer femininity. I now consider myself a bisexual woman. ((_ How is to be a trans woman in the US?)) Being trans in America is scary. Transwomen are murdered here at a higher rate than any other demographic. People have harassed me on the street, followed me while walking, been openly rude in public places and often stare at me while I'm going about my day minding my own business. I've been turned down from jobs that I'm highly qualified for and have had people refuse to answer my questions at stores and businesses. The straight white christian majority treats girls like me like some sort of unholy abomination and they pass laws allowing blatant discrimination against me. ((_ Is the US an open minded society on this topic or they are very conservative?)) Some places in America are more open minded. I live near a college town with a higher than average LGBT population. This city is very progressive and very liberal, it's a safe haven for transpeople, that's why I moved here. Michigan is liberal in certain places but most of the state is very conservative. There is a very very large divide between the lower income minorities and the filthy rich hillbillies. Unfortunately our last election proved that half the country really are a bunch of racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic bigots who think it's their christian duty to repress any and everyone who isn't a straight white conservative Republican. ((_ Do you think that people know what is a trans person?)) I think many people are confused about what transgender really means. I am not a ladyboy, a he-she, a trap, crossdresser or transvestite. I am none of those things or any other offensive slur. I am not a man living as a woman or a man pretending to be a woman. I am a woman. It's that simple. Some women have a penis, some men have a vagina. Because of being born with a penis I was raised as a boy and lead to believe I was a boy. No one consulted me before they decided to call me a boy. Being transgender just means that I was mistaken as the wrong sex at birth and I am currently in the process of correcting that problem. ((_ Do you have laws in your country that helps trans people in their job search?)) In America we supposedly have anti discrimination laws to help us find jobs, but they are meaningless. Discrimination is still a very real problem. ((_ Do you have trans friends?)) I have many transgender friends. Some MtF, some FtM, some gender fluid or gender queer. Some crossdresser friends and some super confident straight cis gender friends who can pull off wearing certain clothes intended for the opposite sex who aren't regular CDs. My girlfriend is a transgirl like myself, she hasn't started hormones yet but hopes to soon. ((_ An interviewee said to me that some trans women have bitchiness attitudes, what do you think about that?)) I think a bitchy attitude is an individual problem. Not all trans people are that way, many of my trans friends are very happy, bubbly, delightful people. In public it might seem that way but I would say if any trans person comes off as bitchy then it is just a defence tactic. Everyday we face strangers who might be aggressive, hostile, rude, or annoying. Sometimes we never know who is going to harass or assault us, or at the least, ask rude inappropriate questions. Personally I'm a very open person, but while I'm riding the bus or ordering coffee I don't want to talk about my genitals. I try to keep my head held high and carry myself with confidence to avoid possible problems and confrontation, maybe some see it as bitchiness but it's probably just the trans person being a diva. I've always enjoyed studying psychology and sociology and in my spare time I'm an aspiring dominatrix, I can usually read people pretty well and tell who the asshole bull types are and who the shy submissive mousy types are so it's pretty easy for me to adjust how I treat people based on what type of response I hope to provoke. ((_ Why some trans women end up in prostitution?)) I believe some trans women, like any other type of woman, might end up in prostitution as a last resort. Often it's so hard to find legitimate jobs that many turn to sex work out of desperation. Some might do it as a fast way to make money for the expensive operations and procedures that many trans people so badly want and need. Then again there are also the ones who become sex workers because they are proud to be a fetish. Many men are what we call "tranny chasers", guys who seek transgender women because we are an exotic fetish, an oddity that they get off on. Many of these men just fantasize about a woman with a functional penis, something that not all trans girls have. The sex workers who capitalize on this niche market probably actually enjoy the work. Many find it empowering. Personally, I wouldn't become a prostitute, but I'd be happy to own a brothel. I would rather be a motherly figure who keeps the girls safe than do the dirty work myself, so to speak. ((_ How are men with you? (either respectful, stupid, etc))) I have no strong feelings one way or another. Boys are silly, men are often rude and sexist. Though I am open to sexual interaction with certain guys, I am not attracted to masculinity. The only type of guys I could ever date or **** are the twink, emo, androgenous or effeminate type. The male mind doesn't make sense to me, it was very obvious to me at a very early age that I didn't think like the boys so eventually I decided to stop trying to. ((_ Why some men are so conservative in their relation with trans women?)) Men are afraid to admit attraction to a transwoman because they seem to think it would make them gay, which of coarse is wrong. Too many people are stuck on the false idea that transwomen aren't really women, that we are just boys dressed as women. Of coarse, that isn't true. Transwomen are women, we should be treated as no different than any other woman. A trans woman and a cisgender man is a heterosexual couple. If a man dates a woman, he is straight. So to say that if a man dates a transwoman that makes him gay, that just perpetuates the false idea that transwomen are really men. It's bullshit and that attitude is what rationalizes violence towards us. ((_ Which is the best and the worst sensation of being trans?)) The best feeling in my transition is finally being happy, finally feeling like I can love myself after a lifetime of hating myself. It's a wonderful feeling to finally be able to express the feelings that I've kept buried for so many years. I feel happy to be alive, that's a big deal because for the first 20 years of my life I wasn't happy to be alive. The worst thing about being transgender is the hostile society we live in. The worst is other people. Other than the blatantly horrible things like harassment, assault, murder, rape, discrimination and constant denial of our right to exist, we must also deal with health insurance companies that refuse to cover transition related expenses and the ridiculously high cost of being forced to pay out of pocket for things that keep us alive. Like me, for many trans people the whole process of transition is the only reason we are still alive, so it's absurd that it's so damn expensive to be alive and happy. ((_ Did you experience a lot of discrimination or people are very positive?)) I've worked hard to avoid most negativity in my life. I've cut ties with all toxic people who didn't support me, I moved to a very liberal open minded city and surrounded myself with others like me. I deal with people staring at me in public and maybe some rude commentary but for the most part I try to show the world that it can not hurt me, that no matter how rude other people can be, I'll still be happy to be me and I'll still be fabulous. It's not all bad though, it's actually rare that I deal with the assholes, more often than not people are very nice. Every day (literally every single day) someone compliments my hair or my clothes or make up or just tells me I am pretty, beautiful, gorgeous or stunning. I love the attention and I love the compliments. I've been told I'm pretty by so many people I've even started to believe it. ((_ Would you like to have a family and stuff like that? Or that is not in your plan?)) I've never had much of a family so I've always dreamed of what that would be like. I have one daughter who is 8 years old. Her mother and I get along very well despite a terrible relationship and a bitter break up. We've worked out our differences and figured out how to get along but all the fighting and my many years of absence from her life has caused my daughter to not want a relationship with me. I don't force the issue, I just let her know that I want to be in her life and I will be willing to build a relationship with her whenever she is ready. Her mother and I agree that eventually she will grow out of her angsty hatred of me but she needs to do it at her own pace. Maybe someday if I am financially successful and stable enough I might adopt a child but I'm in no hurry to. For now I am content with my girlfriend and a few very close friends being like family to me. ((_ Did you or do you feel loneliness?)) I used to be lonely but I am now in a happy relationship with a wonderful woman who I love very much. We are never really apart so I always have companionship but sometimes I do feel lonely in the sense that I feel like it's us against the world, like neither of us can really relate to the rest of the world. ((_ Has being Devi has been an obstacle to relate yourself with others or has it helped you to have a better social life?)) In a lot of ways both. When I started transitioning I began attending goth night at my local night club on a regular basis to teach myself how to socialize. I sorta just faced my anxiety and threw myself into the social scene so I could learn to come out of my shell and learn how to be comfortable around people. As a result I met many great people, made many great friends and have filled my life with open minded accepting people. I've found that being me repells the people who I wouldn't want to socialize with anyway. The assholes avoid me, the good people are intrigued or fascinated enough by me to want to get to know me. ((_ If I ask you who is Devi? What would you say?)) I would say I am a proud freak who's happy to be a weirdo. I am a young lady who has some strange and unconventional likes and interests and I've lived a life that most will never understand. In a way I am a girl who is lucky to have a life filled with experiences that most people never will. I am an alien sent here from another world to learn to be a human. I didn't enjoy being a male at first so I've decided to spend the rest of my time on this planet being a female. So far I like this way much much better. ((_Why did you start writing in a blog and has it been a helpful experience?)) I use my writings as a journal. It's therapeutic for me to document my journey and all of the musings, rantings, and random head noise that comes with it. Some day I will write a book about my life, I will use my blogs as a guideline for the autobiography. Also, I hope that by sharing my experiences I can help people who are on the same path deal with any similar issues. ((_ From 1 to 10, how comfortable did you feel answering these questions?)) 10. I'm very comfortable being a very open person. I appreciate the opportunity to help other people understand what life is like for people like me.
    669 Posted by Devi Strigoica
  • Last night I was chatting with a fan on Instagram from Argentina about the current state of America and what it's like being a trans person. He said he's been interviewing trans women from around the world about our experiences and he asked me for to answer some questions for a magazine article he's writing. We did this by email because I don't have Skype on my recently new phone yet. Here's the questions and answers we sent to each other --------------- (( _ How was the beginning? When did you decide that you wanted to be Devi?)) It was always my deep dark secret that I wished to be a woman, I repressed it for many years because I didn't think it was possible. I thought I was stuck being a guy forever so I tried to fill the role as best as possible but it caused countless problems in my life and just never felt right. In my early 20s my feelings of wishing to be a girl returned but stronger than ever. I began researching genital surgery, hormones, transition and what it meant to be trans. Fashion design and making clothing for close friends and girlfriends has always been a hobby of mine but at some point around age 22 or 23 I started wearing some of the skirts and corsets I made in private. After work I would get myself all dolled up and prance around the house until I later fell asleep in lingerie. I actually used to have a French Maid outfit that I would wear while cleaning the house lol. It felt so right. I badly wanted to go out in public dolled up but I was too afraid to. At age 24 I couldn't keep my deep dark secret in any more so on Halloween of that year I let Devi be born. Leading up to that night was a series of small events that helped me realize that I'm not a crossdresser, I'm not a guy with a kink, I'm not a guy who wants to be a girl, I am not a guy, I am a girl. It took a lot of soul searching and deep meditation to realize that I am a woman, and that's why I hated myself for so many years. ((_ How was the reaction of your family and friends?)) I really have no family or living relatives so I guess I lucked out in not having to come out to family. My friends mostly didn't take it well. They all knew me as a straight male. I've always been the goth/ alternative type so my friends were used to me painting my nails, dying my hair, wearing make up and wearing strange clothes. I was always pretty eccentric and many of my antics bordered on insanity. My friends knew I wasn't a normal person and knew I didnt really relate to them in any way but for some reason they just couldn't accept me as a woman. I had to let a lot of them go because they refused to stop using my old name and refused to stop calling me a He and Him. This of coarse was unacceptable. I tried to explain to them that I was miserable in my old life, I badly hated myself and was often suicidal because of it. My deep self loathing caused me to have alcoholic and drug addict tendencies, violent outbursts towards the people around me, trips to jail for petty crimes and countless psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and doctors not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. I kicked all my old friends out of my life because they seemed to like me better when I was miserable. Most of them weren't happy for me and constantly tried to get me to change my mind. I had to let them go because my transition is all about bettering my life, being a better person, finally being happy and finally loving myself. If my friends don't want me to be happy then they aren't really friends. ((_ Which were your fears at the beginning of the process?)) In the begining of coarse I was afraid that people wouldn't accept me. I was afraid that everyone would leave me and I'd be alone. Luckily the ones who did leave were ones I don't miss and I've made plenty of new, real friends who are happy for me and support my life decisions. Also of coarse I was afraid of never passing. I don't want to be seen as a guy in a dress. I didn't want to be seen as anything else but a natural born woman. Now days I'm proud to be trans and I live my life openly so that hopefully I can inspire other girls who might be too afraid to come out. Another big fear I had was never being able to afford the cost of transition. I was afraid I would never get health insurance to cover the hormones and thought I'd be stuck with a male body forever. I have health insurance now and have been on hormones for over a year but still will have to pay out of pocket for any surgeries and hair removal. That's still a fear of mine, that I will never be able to afford electrolysis to remove all the horrible and pesky facial and body hair and the genital operations. ((_ Which changes (without the physical aspect) can you see in yourself? Either in personality or stuff like that.)) Well, I'm happy now. I don't go through phases of deep depression anymore. I'm not quite as shy as I used to be and I'm starting to be more outgoing. I can feel a range of emotion now, something I used to have a problem with. I can cry now when it's appropriate, that I never used to be able to do. I learned I enjoy dancing, especially pole dancing. I used to be terrified of crowds and the dance floor but now I greatly enjoy it. My taste in music is a little different. I've always liked rock, hard rock, metal, heavy metal, dubstep, etc but before I leaned towards more moody and dark depressing music. These days I tend to prefer more industrial, ebm, dancy type of music. I still like rock and metal but now I lean more towards upbeat goth nightclub type of music that makes me want to dance. My sexuality has changed a lot as well. I'm obviously not a straight male anymore. I'm still attracted to women but also am attracted to transgirls and androgenous boys. Im not really concerned with what's in their pants but I prefer femininity. I now consider myself a bisexual woman. ((_ How is to be a trans woman in the US?)) Being trans in America is scary. Transwomen are murdered here at a higher rate than any other demographic. People have harassed me on the street, followed me while walking, been openly rude in public places and often stare at me while I'm going about my day minding my own business. I've been turned down from jobs that I'm highly qualified for and have had people refuse to answer my questions at stores and businesses. The straight white christian majority treats girls like me like some sort of unholy abomination and they pass laws allowing blatant discrimination against me. ((_ Is the US an open minded society on this topic or they are very conservative?)) Some places in America are more open minded. I live near a college town with a higher than average LGBT population. This city is very progressive and very liberal, it's a safe haven for transpeople, that's why I moved here. Michigan is liberal in certain places but most of the state is very conservative. There is a very very large divide between the lower income minorities and the filthy rich hillbillies. Unfortunately our last election proved that half the country really are a bunch of racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic bigots who think it's their christian duty to repress any and everyone who isn't a straight white conservative Republican. ((_ Do you think that people know what is a trans person?)) I think many people are confused about what transgender really means. I am not a ladyboy, a he-she, a trap, crossdresser or transvestite. I am none of those things or any other offensive slur. I am not a man living as a woman or a man pretending to be a woman. I am a woman. It's that simple. Some women have a penis, some men have a vagina. Because of being born with a penis I was raised as a boy and lead to believe I was a boy. No one consulted me before they decided to call me a boy. Being transgender just means that I was mistaken as the wrong sex at birth and I am currently in the process of correcting that problem. ((_ Do you have laws in your country that helps trans people in their job search?)) In America we supposedly have anti discrimination laws to help us find jobs, but they are meaningless. Discrimination is still a very real problem. ((_ Do you have trans friends?)) I have many transgender friends. Some MtF, some FtM, some gender fluid or gender queer. Some crossdresser friends and some super confident straight cis gender friends who can pull off wearing certain clothes intended for the opposite sex who aren't regular CDs. My girlfriend is a transgirl like myself, she hasn't started hormones yet but hopes to soon. ((_ An interviewee said to me that some trans women have bitchiness attitudes, what do you think about that?)) I think a bitchy attitude is an individual problem. Not all trans people are that way, many of my trans friends are very happy, bubbly, delightful people. In public it might seem that way but I would say if any trans person comes off as bitchy then it is just a defence tactic. Everyday we face strangers who might be aggressive, hostile, rude, or annoying. Sometimes we never know who is going to harass or assault us, or at the least, ask rude inappropriate questions. Personally I'm a very open person, but while I'm riding the bus or ordering coffee I don't want to talk about my genitals. I try to keep my head held high and carry myself with confidence to avoid possible problems and confrontation, maybe some see it as bitchiness but it's probably just the trans person being a diva. I've always enjoyed studying psychology and sociology and in my spare time I'm an aspiring dominatrix, I can usually read people pretty well and tell who the asshole bull types are and who the shy submissive mousy types are so it's pretty easy for me to adjust how I treat people based on what type of response I hope to provoke. ((_ Why some trans women end up in prostitution?)) I believe some trans women, like any other type of woman, might end up in prostitution as a last resort. Often it's so hard to find legitimate jobs that many turn to sex work out of desperation. Some might do it as a fast way to make money for the expensive operations and procedures that many trans people so badly want and need. Then again there are also the ones who become sex workers because they are proud to be a fetish. Many men are what we call "tranny chasers", guys who seek transgender women because we are an exotic fetish, an oddity that they get off on. Many of these men just fantasize about a woman with a functional penis, something that not all trans girls have. The sex workers who capitalize on this niche market probably actually enjoy the work. Many find it empowering. Personally, I wouldn't become a prostitute, but I'd be happy to own a brothel. I would rather be a motherly figure who keeps the girls safe than do the dirty work myself, so to speak. ((_ How are men with you? (either respectful, stupid, etc))) I have no strong feelings one way or another. Boys are silly, men are often rude and sexist. Though I am open to sexual interaction with certain guys, I am not attracted to masculinity. The only type of guys I could ever date or **** are the twink, emo, androgenous or effeminate type. The male mind doesn't make sense to me, it was very obvious to me at a very early age that I didn't think like the boys so eventually I decided to stop trying to. ((_ Why some men are so conservative in their relation with trans women?)) Men are afraid to admit attraction to a transwoman because they seem to think it would make them gay, which of coarse is wrong. Too many people are stuck on the false idea that transwomen aren't really women, that we are just boys dressed as women. Of coarse, that isn't true. Transwomen are women, we should be treated as no different than any other woman. A trans woman and a cisgender man is a heterosexual couple. If a man dates a woman, he is straight. So to say that if a man dates a transwoman that makes him gay, that just perpetuates the false idea that transwomen are really men. It's bullshit and that attitude is what rationalizes violence towards us. ((_ Which is the best and the worst sensation of being trans?)) The best feeling in my transition is finally being happy, finally feeling like I can love myself after a lifetime of hating myself. It's a wonderful feeling to finally be able to express the feelings that I've kept buried for so many years. I feel happy to be alive, that's a big deal because for the first 20 years of my life I wasn't happy to be alive. The worst thing about being transgender is the hostile society we live in. The worst is other people. Other than the blatantly horrible things like harassment, assault, murder, rape, discrimination and constant denial of our right to exist, we must also deal with health insurance companies that refuse to cover transition related expenses and the ridiculously high cost of being forced to pay out of pocket for things that keep us alive. Like me, for many trans people the whole process of transition is the only reason we are still alive, so it's absurd that it's so damn expensive to be alive and happy. ((_ Did you experience a lot of discrimination or people are very positive?)) I've worked hard to avoid most negativity in my life. I've cut ties with all toxic people who didn't support me, I moved to a very liberal open minded city and surrounded myself with others like me. I deal with people staring at me in public and maybe some rude commentary but for the most part I try to show the world that it can not hurt me, that no matter how rude other people can be, I'll still be happy to be me and I'll still be fabulous. It's not all bad though, it's actually rare that I deal with the assholes, more often than not people are very nice. Every day (literally every single day) someone compliments my hair or my clothes or make up or just tells me I am pretty, beautiful, gorgeous or stunning. I love the attention and I love the compliments. I've been told I'm pretty by so many people I've even started to believe it. ((_ Would you like to have a family and stuff like that? Or that is not in your plan?)) I've never had much of a family so I've always dreamed of what that would be like. I have one daughter who is 8 years old. Her mother and I get along very well despite a terrible relationship and a bitter break up. We've worked out our differences and figured out how to get along but all the fighting and my many years of absence from her life has caused my daughter to not want a relationship with me. I don't force the issue, I just let her know that I want to be in her life and I will be willing to build a relationship with her whenever she is ready. Her mother and I agree that eventually she will grow out of her angsty hatred of me but she needs to do it at her own pace. Maybe someday if I am financially successful and stable enough I might adopt a child but I'm in no hurry to. For now I am content with my girlfriend and a few very close friends being like family to me. ((_ Did you or do you feel loneliness?)) I used to be lonely but I am now in a happy relationship with a wonderful woman who I love very much. We are never really apart so I always have companionship but sometimes I do feel lonely in the sense that I feel like it's us against the world, like neither of us can really relate to the rest of the world. ((_ Has being Devi has been an obstacle to relate yourself with others or has it helped you to have a better social life?)) In a lot of ways both. When I started transitioning I began attending goth night at my local night club on a regular basis to teach myself how to socialize. I sorta just faced my anxiety and threw myself into the social scene so I could learn to come out of my shell and learn how to be comfortable around people. As a result I met many great people, made many great friends and have filled my life with open minded accepting people. I've found that being me repells the people who I wouldn't want to socialize with anyway. The assholes avoid me, the good people are intrigued or fascinated enough by me to want to get to know me. ((_ If I ask you who is Devi? What would you say?)) I would say I am a proud freak who's happy to be a weirdo. I am a young lady who has some strange and unconventional likes and interests and I've lived a life that most will never understand. In a way I am a girl who is lucky to have a life filled with experiences that most people never will. I am an alien sent here from another world to learn to be a human. I didn't enjoy being a male at first so I've decided to spend the rest of my time on this planet being a female. So far I like this way much much better. ((_Why did you start writing in a blog and has it been a helpful experience?)) I use my writings as a journal. It's therapeutic for me to document my journey and all of the musings, rantings, and random head noise that comes with it. Some day I will write a book about my life, I will use my blogs as a guideline for the autobiography. Also, I hope that by sharing my experiences I can help people who are on the same path deal with any similar issues. ((_ From 1 to 10, how comfortable did you feel answering these questions?)) 10. I'm very comfortable being a very open person. I appreciate the opportunity to help other people understand what life is like for people like me.
    Nov 15, 2016 669
  • 11 Nov 2016
    Why do i feel so ashamed that I am so jealous of most Cis female and all she or they can offer. when they talk about there body parts when us non Cis females do not have these natural body parts ? Is because I should of been or wish I was born with them
    644 Posted by sam burke
  • Why do i feel so ashamed that I am so jealous of most Cis female and all she or they can offer. when they talk about there body parts when us non Cis females do not have these natural body parts ? Is because I should of been or wish I was born with them
    Nov 11, 2016 644