Well, I'm a month in, since I removed as much maleness from my life as I could, clothes, toiletries, mannerisms, male name gone! I've redefined myself to the world and already feel fully accepted as a woman. I shall never have to own yucky male clothes ever again, nor pretend I'm interested in male loutish chatter, nor hide away ever again. That feels good in itself. I just thought I'd share where I am with 'all this'
I have presented me to the world as honestly as I can. I don't wear makeup, beyond a little lop gloss and mascara. I am flat chested, skinny and boney, fighting male hair growth, with short hair which I have only just begun to grow. I'm just natural me, though I am going to get glamorous soon for.my friends wedding! I'm doing ok with work, my manager wrote her entire.dissertation in her final year of her business.degree on the equality act
I wear all female.clothes now, not just safe trousers. Lol I arrived at my martial arts class in a dress and tightsand we went to my local pub. Nobody seems to be Battering an eyelid and the ones who do are positive and respectful.
I've still got.to chase the doctors on what is.going on. I'm even getting people to. Call me Andie-Priscilla as Andie is.too tomboy, not that I.don't have that side too. I'm enjoying my feminity.and being welcomed closer into womens.circles. My family all refer to me in female.pronouns. It's going well.
I still feel poisoned though and I don't think that I will ever want to stop short of making a full transition Xxxxxxxxx
This post was edited by Andie Priscilla Swainson at June 11, 2015 3:04 AM BST

I am so happy for you. I may never know what you feel. I feel trapped at this time. Locked into this image that people want me to be. The other problem is that in this image, I am highly successful. I am well respected and people have high expectatins of the things I can do. Little do they know that behind the scenes, I am a woman. Of course that is the quandry isn't it? I cannot be me, ever, or I lose everything that I have now. So I live with chronic depression but put on that smiling face. No wonder Robin Williams was one of my idols. Of course, we see what happened to him and I have to wonder how long....

Glad to hear you are doing so well. names are funny things..Every Transwomen goes though this  ..just a thought though ..if you dont like the tom boy of Andie [ even though there is Andie MacDowell..wonder if in time you will find people and yourself using another form from   Andie-Priscilla  [ as this might be a bit long , formal  :-)].There are 38 English forms of Priscilla.Its part of the female perogative to be able to choose an alternative name.

 

Hi Emma,

  You are right about the quandry. You only have to consider Caitlyn Jenner.and the quote she made when considering if she died without showing her true self and making that journey  it would have been a life wasted.We all have our own lifes and different circumstances. For many like me and you , we have that mental dependence on things of people expecting so much of us.-My life only starting getting better when I started to questions those expectations if they where going to eventually make me an angry worse person that wanted to disengage with a false reality.This is the nasty side of Dysphoria which robs a human of the time and ability to communicate and help those we love close to us. The alternative is to go on that journey for a meaningful life .First step ,stop smiling and saying you are alright IF you DONT FEEL, -get rid of this first of many lies , and start to say how you feel. which is real.Long term this is going to be better for any relationship you have.. -Andie Priscilla is right to give a title keeping it real. Otherwise consider some quotes by Andy Warhol on Change.   I am off now got some work to do   Donna

Yeah in the long term I may change my first name to Andrea. It's all new in the world. The last few days, when people have called.me Andie, it feels properly feminine. maybe it's something in their tone or body language but I LOVE my name. Lol I like.Andie-Priscilla too! If people are writing to me I insist they use that form, just because I'm a fickle girl at heart ♥ Xxx

Hey Emma ♥
I here what your saying but take.heart! I felt like you do. My work.is my life, I've spent most of my adult life building my reputation. Working with young children can you imagine the unfounded.fears that will soar through parents minds and for that matter unenlightened nursery managers too.
I.am lucky, if I could take your hand and pull you through your torment, I truly would but you need to find this in yourself.
Life.is unexpected! We all make assumptions.on how people will react and all too often we get that wrong.
I'm trying to.turn everything around to.a positive. Imagine the role model I now represent to.Children... Honesty, bravery and love, who would not.want such a role model for.their child! What an opportunity I have to educate children about the diversity of.Life, the need to respect all and the gift that brings to community!
Depression is a cruel beast, it stops people seeing their potential, I hope you find a way forward Xxxx

When I first began my journey back in the late 90's, I chose Felicity Aine. Felicity was the image of me that loved rose gardens, tea parties and entertaining. Always light flowing dresses. As I grew stronger, Emma became the name. Emma was derived from Emma Peel (Diana Rigg) from the Avengers. I always loved her catsuits and wanted to be her when I was a kid. Of course, back then I didn't know about Gender Dysphoria, I thought I was just weird. Morgaine, was a nod to my learning about the Druids during that time. My psych told me we had to break me down and get rid of all the things that I was because of what others expected or wanted me to be, and find who I truly was. One of the first things that was jettisoned was the need to be Catholic. I was almost pushed into the priesthood. I am still a spiritual person, though these days find it hard to believe in a loving God. 

it is best to be yourself

just like me every night I go to bed wearing a bra and breastforms and my nightie. I'm beginning to feel that my male persona is when I crossdress.