Hi Daniel, JJ and all the girls
You have mentioned that you would be interested to hear my views and experiences of GID in the family.

My feelings since the day we were told about GID and that it was being suffered and hidden by our son (as we had known him for the last 27 years) have caused such a rush of many emotions.

Firstly one of shock as it made us aware that the cosy everyday life that we and most people plod on with was now in turmoil because for the first time we saw the pain and agony ( that has been quietly endured behind closed doors ) trickle in the form of tears down the cheeks of our much loved second child.
For a fleeting moment we hoped it was just a form of depression and that it would just go away and he would be okay, but it only took moments to realize that would never happen, how can it? when your told that these feelings are part of your child’s very soul.
The next emotion was to want to love and protect even more than we have all these years and hope that it could take some of the pain away. Some days it helps a great deal and is very welcomed and treasured, other days are bad and she needs her space to be alone with her thoughts. I want to hold her so much some times.
Another emotion is a form of grieving, not because we cant accept the situation but because it takes time to adjust to the fact that we raised and loved our son not really knowing that the physical body was hiding a soul within, a different person that would take a long time to emerge. But thankfully the butterfly is slowly emerging now.
Then there’s the fear, fear for the well being of your loved one, wanting to soak up all the loneliness, pain and dysphoria and bear it yourself and get back all the lost years, knowing that they have over the course of time disassociated themselves from their friends and shunned social activity therefore losing the pleasures of youth and making their world very small.
Next is guilt, for two reasons, we have been told on many occasions that no-one can be blamed for GID, its not upbringing or any action that we could have avoided, but it doesn’t stop you thinking “if only I hadn’t shouted so much” or “maybe I shouldn’t have done this or that” But after a while we have come to terms with the fact that we were not to blame. The second guilt feeling for me is that I would give my last breath, my life, for my child and yet I own something that I cannot give, a female body, and it tears me apart sometimes.
Frustration is another emotion, I want peace and happiness for my child now and I find it hard to sit back and watch her life go by. But it has taken 27 years for her to tell us so I must be patient and leave her to make her decisions as and when she finds to strength and courage to progress.
Then come good feelings. We are starting to see a side of our daughter that we never knew existed. Tenderness and emotions that have never been aired for fear of adverse reactions from others. And it’s wonderful. Years of thinking that shyness and lethargy were just part of her personality and now we see a glimmer of hope that one day we will really get to know her true self.
There are, I know, going to be many bad days, days when she doesn’t want to talk on the telephone and I will feel helpless and cut off from her. Days when people make uneducated and hurtful comments about others being different and she will cry, and I cant be there to hold her. But I know one thing is for certain, I will love and support her and fight for her right to enjoy her life in openness and peace until the last breath leaves my body. And even after Im gone from this world I know that if she needs me I will be there for her as my spirit is so strong it will be accessible to her whenever she needs it. It’s a scientific fact that energy cannot be destroyed therefore our love and support for her will go on and on.
I hope I have become a more considerate and less judgemental person since this phase of my life.
Peace and happiness to all you girls and lots of sincere love.

Butterflies begin from having been another (from a song by Eva Cassidy)

Dorothy xx

Dorothy,
thanks for sharing that with people you don't know, it brought tears to my eye's especailly the part and i quote" i will protect her until my last breath", that touched me and i'm sure it will touch other's who read it.
I think you and your husband are remarkable people and i wish you both all the luck and love in the world. For your daughter i hope all goe's well and with parents like she has, she will feel safe and loved..........love JJ xx

Hi JJ
Thanks so much for your kind words. Seems Im surrounded by beautiful people on this website. Hope you are okay and having a good day.
Lots of Love Dorothy XX

I guess guilt feelings are fairly common among parents having a child with the GID. And those feelings can turn into a denial or non-acceptance of the whole transition. That is sad, but what can a child do to change it? Nothing.
I can say, actually luckily, I always had a distant relationship to my mother. Now her non-acceptance of the facts don´t hurt me at all. I have not told her yet about my srs...I will tell it to her later on, probably at the same time when I get my legal female status. But it doesn´t matter much. We never see each other anyway.

Laura

Hi Laura
Hope everything is going well after your surgery.
Yes we do feel some guilt but only in the respect that we may have done things wrong during our daughters childhood, but who's an expert at being a parent anyway?. Its not an easy job. But never the less we tried our best and gave lots of love and support throughout her dependant years and still do. We have been informed that GID is nothing to do with upbringing but I think it might have an influence on how a person deals with their GID or transition. But one thing I am sure of and that is that our feelings will not change to one of denial or non-acceptance because we have a very strong family unit here and we are all supporting and trying to help our daughter as best we can.
Im sorry you have a distant relationship with your mother Laura but one things for sure, I have been reading about your progress and you seem very strong and have found the stage in your life when you can hopefully be happy. I am very happy for you.
Take care
Love Dorothy
xx
Butterflies begin from having been another (from a song by Eva cassidy)

Hi Lucy
Your reply reduced me to tears of joy. thank you so much for your kinds words. It goes to show there are beautiful people ( and you are one Lucy)on this planet worth knowing. I would be honoured if you would show your mum my thoughts and if they were of any help in the tiniest way then all this pain would not be in vain.
Talking to others on TW has helped me so much,and likewise maybe my perspective helps others too, I hope so. Hang on to her Lucy, Im sure she will come through this when she see,s her daughter happy and being herself. My daughter is slowly blossoming and after talking to her on the phone just now I jumped up and down with joy for five minutes like a little child because she sounds happy today. These days help us through the rough ones. thanks again Lucy. Take care
Love to you and your loved ones.
Dorothy xxx

Butterflies begin from having been another (from a song by Eva Cassidy )

Dorothy,
I stumbled across this thread 2 months after you originally posted it , and like others it made me cry, not a bad thing, honest. I recently told my mum about me, and with your permission I'd like to show her your original post. JJ said something in another thread that I was aware of before I told my mum, that not only we, as children need support, but the parents who have to deal with this are equally alone.
My mum has been wonderful and I'm sure you and your daughter know, child/mother love works both ways. Anything I can do to help mum and let her understand I will do, but I probably feel as helpless as my mum does in that respect.
Except for what you say, that our love can not be destroyed and will survive even after our death. If we can give that sort of love, we have nothing to fear, for in our short time on this planet, that's all we need.
What you you wrote Dorothy is beautiful, and beautifully written, thank you so much for involving yourself in such a way. It moves us all.
xx