• 43 posts
    August 24, 2015 1:47 AM BST

    Hey guys, what's up? I have been so hesitent to getting myself involved here for various reasons, but I just have to figure out more about myself... I know I have gender identity and 99.99% of the time I feel like a man and become enraged when my family refuses to call me a male/their son and calls me "way too beautiful to be a guy". That other .1% I am just okay as I am and living as gender neutral I guess I'd say? I'm just having a hard time saying I'm transgender for sure since I can deal with being a girl sometimes.. Also, I hope I don't get attacked for this, but the reason I've been hesitent on involving myself with the community is b/c I come from a religious family.... So as you can imagine that really gets in my way a lot.. I'm just so tired of having no one who understands me though or to talk to besides my counselor.. D=

    • 2127 posts
    August 24, 2015 2:38 PM BST

    I do understand how you are feeling Kris (well mostly).  Gender Identity issues can be very frustrating and that's nearly always because of other people with outdated attitudes and a resistance to seeing the real world.  Religion is also a major cause of problems for trans people, although I'm told that nowhere in the bible are trans people even mentioned so just why christians should be so hateful towards us in anybody's guess. 

    Yes, I know that the bible says being gay is bad but hang on... being gay is an entirely different thing and it has nothing at all to do with being transgender.  Being gay is about sexual preference.  Being transgender is about your gender identity and nothing to do with who you decide to sleep with.  So any religious people who smite you be being trans have not read their bible properly and are just showing their lack of education and ignorance.

    There are plenty of people here who will understand you Kris and who will not only understand what you are going through but will in fact have been there already themselves.

    My guess though, is that if you really do feel male for 99.99% of the time, you are most likely transsexual and will not be able to live easily as a female.  You probably know this already.  I note that you have described yourself as a crossdresser in your membership profile though.  Does that imply that your need to be male does change from time to time or was that a mistake?

    I am not a trained counsellor so I shy away from giving too much advice except to say that you should talk to as many of our members as possible about this and get a consensus of their thought and ideas.  It's like 'Ask the audience' (LOL)!  Then, armed with this new knowledge, talk to your counsellor and move forward from there.

    Never think for a moment that there is no hope though, because there is always a way forward.  It can be tricky but there's always a way.

    And do tell us more about yourself.  Maybe start a blog in our blogs area.

    Hugs, Katie  




    • 43 posts
    August 24, 2015 3:16 PM BST

    It is extremely frusterating indeed.. I can't speak for everyone of course, but I have been told by my mother that the reason being trans is such an issue is I'm basically "telling God he's wrong for making me a girl when God never makes mistakes and I don't know more than he does." I agree though that people of faith shouldn't judge.. I once dated an athiest and we never once fought over our opposing beliefs simply because we both thought judging others was wrong.  I meant to put up female to male on my profile, but I don't crossdress exacltly, at least not yet. I'm at the point of cutting my hair short now. I'm slow moving with this process since I'm so hesitent y'know? My mom says one thing then acts the opposite by saying if I decide to do this she'll support me, then she refuses to call me her son when I ask. I understand that it's hard on her too... I am seeing that there are others out there like me though and that is very comforting to know. 


    Thanks so much for the encouraging words though! I think I will talk on the blogs a bit. 

  • August 24, 2015 8:41 PM BST

    Kris, firstly welcome,  I see you listed yourself as a female to male cross dresser, that's very unusual in that females generally tend to be transgendered.    the most important thing about this site you will not be judged,

    FtoM, tend to be a minority in the trans community, why I do not know, perhaps so many in your position just tend, to suffer in silence, get on with it.    We have a forum dedicated to FtoM, a few spasmodic postings, there does seem to be more information, reasons, and research carried out on MtoF.   However, whilst not suggesting you have an inherited condition, the same reasons and research that applies to MtoF can also apply to people like you.   If you need to chat we have Amanda Bruce our very own resident councellor, or you can IM me for various links that might give you some insight and clinical basis for how your feeling.

    As far as God goes if your a believer, he made you, me and countless other what we are.  sometimes with a helping hand from others of the human race.

    This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at August 24, 2015 8:45 PM BST
    • 43 posts
    August 25, 2015 6:38 AM BST

    Thanks for the warm welcome first of all. It is nice that there are places like here where we're not judged.. I was unaware that FtM are a minority in the trans community to be honest, but now that you mention it and thinking about it, I do see more MtF it seems.. I think you are probably right that a lot of us suffer in silence.. I mean, my mom didn't have a clue until recently.. I had to explain to her all I did and felt in middle school and high school and even then she had her doubts.. I can't speak for everyone, but I know I kept hearing it's just a phase... I've had quite a few of those and they're never here for this long. Sorry to go on and on, don't mean to rant, but I appreciate the help and the welcome so thanks again.



  • August 25, 2015 8:47 PM BST

    It is not pedantics, ranting, it is a feeling of confusion, helplessness.    if someone falls over has severe pains in the leg, people will think automatically you have a broken leg, logical thinking, but it is not the same with gender identity confusion, a very misunderstood condition, based on social conditioning, resulting in a no way attitude of the uneducated, social pressures and the so called word of god.


    Take time out to read  http://gendersociety.com/forums/topic/7805/heteronormativity how society infuences thinking and dictates how we live our lives in the two gender only society.

    Then go on to read, not in all circumstances, or as yet not proven, cases and examples of why we might be, what we are



    further, http://gendersociety.com/forums/topic/9870/cns-brain-male-feminisation, and yes the same reversal can be apllied to female to male transgendered, so much still to be discovered, bot nobody should dismiss these conditions out of hand.

  • August 25, 2015 9:28 PM BST

    Julia Ford - Former Member

    Hi Crissie.
    From my experiences of meeting famales to males they are a minority within a minority. The main problem I witnessed was that the trans women did not interact with the females to males.
    In a local group that I left there were 2 females to male and when I left they both left to. The reason they gave for leaving was because I had left. I gave them my time and attention and I showed them empathy but the other trans women there seemed to not want to even recognonise their presence. The females just wanted to talk about really serious things like shoes and skirts and of course that is the most important thing in transition.

    The reason I think most female to males leave GS is because the females show no interest. You have done but it would be nice to see others join in and offer some support and friendship. The ones I met opened up to me because I made the effort to talk to them and show them some empathy. The transgender world seems to revolve around females and they do isolate the females to males. Some interaction from other members would hopefully make them feel more welcome.

    Anyway I know you will offer your advice as long as the member hangs around. It is perfectly natural for males and females to interact but when you think about it , it is hard to notice on the internet and I think it is the same in the real world too. Isolation causes depression and depression leads to suicide. You and I done a page about suicide and it was just you and myself. No one seems to care until it is them or to late. I know you will do all you can because you care.

    I better go , have a good day.
    Lots of love .


    Yes I think to some extent the Male to females are to wrapped up in themselves,  but we should try harder to understand, we are in the majority and should cater more for the opposites and learn more from them.  make them welcome and interact and establish a rapor.