Respect is a very small word just 7 letters long , the same as there are days in a single week.

As an example yesterday I needed to go to the bank. There was a girl behind the glass and she had a bundle of £50 notes in her hand as she said can I help you? I responded I will just have that Thank you , she said I will lose my job , I said well we can go halves , with a cheeky grin.

So she just asked again how can I help you Miss , I said I just need to pay this cash in so she asked me to put my card into the machine. Once I had done that she knew my name. Julia do you mind me asking what that perfume that is you are wearing? . I said no I don't mind it was named after me , what really she replied. Yes I think it was , it is called So Sinfull. She then asked if I could write it down so she does not forget. She followed that with you should come in more often as I have never served you before. I told her I only come in when I need to but I will have to come back again on Monday , she said I look forward to seeing you again then.

I am shown respect everywhere I go but it has not always been like that. Just over a decade ago when I came out living my life fulltime female I was living in a village with a population of just over 1,000 people. They had only known me as the old male git I was before.

They crossed the road to avoid me but I thought I can cross roads too so I did. Eventually they had no choice but to face me and they discovered a happy person not the old git I was before.

I can recall walking into a hair stylists and asking to have my hair cut and styled. I was told she was fully booked , I told her I do not need it done right now when can you do it?. She replied I just told you I am fully booked , I responded with "What forever"? Sh*t you must be good. She then said would you mind leaving? I just said why don't you just put a notice in the window saying no transexuals?. I then said Oh you can't it is illegal and I made my way down the road thinking what a twat she was.I walked into the next one and had the complete opposite. I was asked if I wanted Tea or Coffee and a stylist sat and talked about different styles and what she thought would suit me. Every other member of staff who walked past she introduced to me , some of them became long term friends.

That week I had an appointment with my solicitor to change my name and I had not yet made my mind up but that idiot hair stylist helped me. The previous night I had watched the film Pretty Woman and I recalled the part where the posh shop would not serve Julia Roberts because of the way she was dressed. I know it was only a film but I had just found out how that felt. I decided my name was going to be Julia thanks to someone showing me total disrespect. A very true story of how I chose my name.

Eventually people in the small village accepted me and the time came for me to move on. I was begged to stay! Yes the very people who crossed the road to avoid me begged me to stay. I needed to move to a more populated area though so I moved on. The town I live in now has a population of about 140,000 people and I am aware of 2 people who dislike me , not bad odds having 139,998 on my side.

No matter where I go I get shown respect but I also show others respect as it works both ways. I can walk into any shop and get treated just as any other woman does. It was worth the determination to become accepted because in my opinion for all of what we go through in life we bloody deserve to be respected.

You all take care and never give up , Julia xx

Nothing in life worth having comes easily!  It is worth the effort needed to reach these goals.  You fought the fight and you won! (smile) You serve as an excellent example to so many in here who are on the fringe, the edge of determining whether it is truly worth it.  If one feels as strongly as you and others have felt all their lives about themselves then you fight the fight.  You go all in...you will run into obstacles and hurdles along the way, but you will persevere because the feeling of self worth is nothing to be taken lightly.  I have no doubt that your story has inspired others to move forward where they otherwise might have stood still!  Thank you for being YOU and showing us all that it can be done!

Love,

traci xoxo

Thank you Traci.

You are right nothing much in life comes easy and going back to that point over a decade ago before I transitioned I was on the verge of suicide. I had one failed attempt and was given a second chance to live.

I never take it for granted that I am gifted now with the acceptance I have gained. It was not easy and I took my fair share of abuse and even threats to harm but that has now ceased. I am now part of the furniture here in this town and people want to know me. I have met some truly wonderful people over the years and still do daily.

I suppose it could be compared to how it must feel being let out of prison , just a shame my sentence was so long for a crime I did not commit. I used to say if being me is a crime then I plead guilty.

I had 2 things on my mind when I posted this topic so I tossed a coin , I am pleased this one won the toss.

As for respect? There are people here I have the greatest respect for and have done for years but never shout about it , you are one of them.

Got to get myself ready for another interesting day and no doubt meet some more wonderful people.

Take care , love and of course respect.

Julia xx

Keep on being you GF...you got this!!!  Thnx for the kind words...

Love,

Traci xoxo

What a great post.  I thank you for posting.  I agree with what you say about coming back after a prison sentence.  Sad but true that the feeling is probably the same.  

When you write it all down like that it sounds easy and natural.  It is anything but.  It took a lot of courage on your behalf to respond the way you did to the poor behaviour of the town and the way they treated you.  I doubt I could have done the same.  I have been in shops were I was accepted and I have been in shops where I am ignored or told to move along, nothing here for you.   It is very humiliating and embarrassing.   I am in a big city and just aviod the shops with poor attitudes.  You were in a small town and would continue to have contact with the people who ridculed or felt they were better than you.

I am curious though.  In your article, it could be taken either way.  When you say you can cross the street too, did you mean you crossed first to show that you were avoiding them?  Or did you cross to force them to walk past you?   Either way very couragious.

Take Care

Maggie

Hi Maggie.

Firstly in answer to your question about crossing roads. I had lived in that village for several years and I knew the paths that people took going about their daily lives. Before I transitioned they did not cross the roads at certian points. After my transition they must have thought I was stupid and not noticed that they changed those paths "To avoid me". I was not having that so I crossed the roads too , the idea being "You will face me and you will talk to me". It payed off and the rest is history.

As I said I do not take my life I have now for granted. To have genetic females say to me I wish I could look as good as you is a compliment but it has nothing to do with looks. I tell them you have a better gift than I could ever have wished for , you were in the right queue when bodies were being handed out. When I tell them my age (which is 58) I get the same. If I look half as good as you when I hit 58 I will be happy , these are regular comments from genetic females I meet , but it was not always that way.

I use at any chance I get to teach people how hard life is for transgender individuals. That could be talking at staff training evenings where people need to know how not to treat a transgender person and how to treat that person as the gender they are identifying as standing in front of you. Whether I am talking to 800 people or as I did last month a small group of paramedics the message is the same , just treat them with the same respect as anyone else.

I used shops as an example , as along with government departments that is where most people seem to get problems. If I become aware of a large chain store having a staff training evening I ask if I can attend and talk , I have not been turned down yet. People also notice I do not talk from a script or memory , I talk from my heart.

Take care and Thank you , Julia x.

Your ability to talk openly to others is a gift.  You are using it wisely.

Thanks

Thank you Maggie for that input, and Julia, for the post that inspired it.

You are not turned down, because, people see the transparent belief that I am sure you show in person.  So - keep at it.  As some body said to me this morning, "Preaching is fabulous, but it's no wher near effective as walking the walk and showing it.  Power to you!

Amanda