Sexual guilt and shame?

    • 15 posts
    March 16, 2016 1:09 AM GMT
    I am a young trans woman in Mississippi. I grew up in a "Christian" environment. I was taught sex was dirty and something you should be ashamed of. Being gay and everything remotely close to it was also shameful. I've come to realize my love life has been difficult because I still feel guilt about my desire for not just sex, but my increasing desire for have sex with men. I have a more than healthy sexual appetite, but struggle to act on my desires because of my irrational guilt.

    Does anyone else deal with this or know someone who does? If so what do you think is the best way to overcome this?
  • March 16, 2016 2:45 AM GMT

    miss Jacqui. i do relate to this conditoning.For i was brought up the same way.

    For i have "servants of the lorrd " (preachers ) in the males of Both  parts of my family.

    Yes i grew up where sex was a sin and dirty and gayness will send you straight to hell.

    These teaching have made my male side asexual and to the female sex as to have apearances to apear to be gay

    to them.

    yes i feel guilt every day when my females desires kick in.

    For the Damnation speaches of my life played in my head

    When i act ed on myfwomenish feeling anfd act out  and or  want the attention of the male gender.

    To TRY to over come this  i had to move away from family and be basicly on my own.

    Be cause my therapist said by my responses to some of her questions, that i was being eaten alive from inside.

    And that Michelle is more powerful than Mitchell. One would basicly take control.

    Being that said .that i have either to relase the beast (the female desire and feelings)or have more pyscholical problems than when i started to her for therapy.

    Basicly this is to,let you know that you are not alone on fighting this battle of religion and the inner soul.

    There are many here that are next to you with the sword in hand..


    This post was edited by michelle/mitchell self at March 16, 2016 2:52 AM GMT
    • 15 posts
    March 16, 2016 3:18 AM GMT
    I'm not religious anymore. I am actually what most people would call an atheist or agnostic. I don't really believe there is a god, but if there is then he or she has no rational reason to have an interest in our personal lives. But that subconscious programming is the problem. And it's not just in my sex life. It affects other aspects, but I want to focus on sex right now. I know being with men is right for me because of how I feel when I look at or touch a guys penis. I am also becoming less and less attracted to women sexually as I get older.
    • 746 posts
    March 16, 2016 4:48 AM GMT

    Overcome what, your healthy sex life or your guilt for feeling that way?


    • 0 posts
    March 16, 2016 6:42 AM GMT

    Hi Jacqui.

    It is your life and if your mother and father had not had sex you would not be here. Take no notice of religeous figures telling you how to live your life even if is only ingrained in your mind by the past.


    Hypocrites is all they are , they tell you one thing saying it is wrong then they do it. How could the human race even be here without people having sex?. And they bang on about same sex or sex with a trans person being wrong and do it themselves. No one on this earth are more hypocritical than those that preach that bullsh*t , just google how much has the catholic church paid out in child sex abuse cases settled out of court , it is billions.


    Be you and live your live the way you want to and get that guilt out of your head. They are the guilty ones not you. My guess is you get one life and when it is over it is over so live it just how you want to "It is your life". When you are in a wooden box at the end of it you don't get a chance to go back and start again.


    Nice to see you back. Take care , Julia xx

    • 0 posts
    March 16, 2016 8:34 AM GMT

    Take a look at this Jacqui and you can see who the guilty ones are.


    Sorry broken link. I will find a new one later.

    And here it is.


    Take care , Julia xx

    This post was edited by Former Member at March 16, 2016 12:08 PM GMT
    • 2017 posts
    March 16, 2016 6:10 PM GMT

    I can't really relate to this Jacqui as I am not religious, but you should realise that your feelings are nothing to feel guilty about. Sex is normal and without it none of us would be here! Who you have sex with is up to you and is based on who you are attracted to, not because of a social construction that decrees sex must only be heterosexual. How boring would that be? Whether you are attracted to males or females is irrelevant, it is the desire to be with that person that counts so you should listen to those feelings. Would you rather have sex with someone you didn't find attractive in any way? I doubt it!!


    Sadly, there are many in the religious world who refuse to understand anything LGBT and no amount of education will change their views so it's better to distance yourself if you want to find happiness. 


    Act on your desires and your needs, not someone elses. 

  • March 18, 2016 10:08 PM GMT

    Shame is that inner feeling caused by the expectations and rules set by other people, to conform to expected social norms, or their own self imposed boundaries. guilt obviously caused by ones own feeling of not living or sticking to those peoples  confines.   Regardless of religon, most people have a natural sense of values, that won't permit them to hurt others, you don't have to be god fearing to know that it is wrong to rape another person, hurt them maliciously, steal, whatever, by the same token some of us are born differently, I have found that it helps to not make excuses for what we do, are, but to find out why we are what we are, why we have different desires from so called preconceived social norms.   I believe that some people are evil, some are deluded, finding excuses for what they do that would be against a 'normal' persons inborn moral code.    Live the life you need to be contented and happy.

    • Moderator
    • 1195 posts
    March 25, 2016 8:33 PM GMT
    Jacqui   I hope you realise that you're not alone.  I've been lied to,
    just like you. Lose that guilt. Think "whose problem is this?" - it isn't yours. So be yourself.
    • 15 posts
    June 6, 2016 10:36 PM BST

    I don't have this issue. I'm very sexually liberated and always have been. Our bodies are wonderful vessels for both giving and receiving pleasure. Guess it's hard for me to see anything wrong with it when we're designed by nature that way.


    However, I did recently make the accquaintence of a fella who felt this way. He grew up in a strict religious household and though he was aroused by me, he fought hard to stiffle his feelings. It had been a while since I was with a man and--dammit I had needs! But I also had to respect his wishes. Anyhoo, eventually things did start to get a little hot and heavy and I'll never forget him basically crying and saying, "this is so wrong but it feels so good!" Suddenly I was appalled at myself. I felt I was using my goods to force him to compromise his morals. I just snuggled with him and held him the rest of the night because I didn't know what else to do.


    I don't know if it's my place to feel this way, but I've got to admit: I was sad...I felt bad for him and others like him who think the things we do that feel good, are, simply by virtue of feeling good, somehow bad.


    In the end though, he was a stronger person than me and I had nothing but respect for him. 

    This post was edited by Katie Conley at June 7, 2016 6:08 PM BST
  • June 7, 2016 6:11 PM BST
    Oh no, I was trying to increase your reputation, Katie, and I accidentally hit decrease! I'm going to have a moderator fix this, but I also just wanted to say I kinda replied to your post in your Welcome New Members post. And I like what you said! Okay let me go and fix this problem, I blame my clumsy fingers and this iPhone!
  • June 7, 2016 9:14 PM BST
    Unfortunately Katie, the moderator can't find any way to get rid of the minus, so she added 2 reputations for you, and I'll add a reputation whenever I can, so the one negative won't mean anything. I'm so so so sorry. You can give me one if you want! It's kinda wrong that they even give an option to decrease reputation. And on my tiny iPhone, I was trying to hit the submit button when I accidentally hit decrease, I was then wondering why nothing happened (didn't see the change) and hit submit again...

    For anyone who reads this and wants to read my response, then Katie's response to me, go to ...and welcome her while you're there!
    This post was edited by Former Member at June 7, 2016 10:54 PM BST