Estradiol is the best hormone. There aren't really different types that do different things; estradiol alone will give feminisation in all areas.
The safest way is to see a doctor.
Probably not, as estradiol will quickly and usually quite drastically lower testosterone levels.
I'd also highly recommend anyone not to take anti-androgens without medical supervision. Even on estradiol, the odd blood test to monitor liver function etc wouldn't hurt.
Your profile says you're married, I'm sure it's none of my business but are you both going to be happy when you start losing sexual function? Female hormones tend to do that...
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It's best to start on a minimal dose, 1 or 2mg per day.
Stop taking the herbs because they can interfere with oestrogen receptors and not let the real stuff through.
Changes may be irreversible. I wouldn't really recommend anyone take hormones if they didn't plan to fully transition.