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Understanding men and their intentions.

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  • Gynemimetophilia is sexual attraction to male-assigned people who look, act like, or are women, including assigned-male crossdressers. It can also refer to an attraction to trans women. A related term is gynemimesis, which refers to a homosexual male who engages in female impersonation without sex reassignment. Both terms originate in a 1984 paper of John Money and Margaret Lamacz. The terms were used by Money for classification purposes in his gender-transposition theory. 
    Andromimetophilia (sometimes misspelled as androminetophilia) is sexual attraction to female-assigned people who look, act like men, or are men; including butch women or trans men. The attraction can be to people who have not undergone any physical transition, or to people who have. Originally (and still predominantly) used to describe the men sexually interested in pre-operative transwomen, the term tranny chaser is now being used in FTM communities as well. 

    Many members of the transgender community (particularly in the MTF population) use "tranny chaser" in a pejorative sense, because they consider it a fetish-like attraction to the penis of a pre-operative or non-operative transwoman MTF or to the vagina of a pre- or non-operative transman.. In their path breaking book, True Selves, Helen Boyd and Mildred Brown have suggested that tranny chasing men may be homosexual men in denial. The term "tranny" is itself considered a perjorative by the community. 
    In "Diary of a Drag Queen" Daniel Harris describes four types of men interested in him while he was cross-dressed, heterosexual men who wanted the presumed superior oral services of another male, homosexuals who were only interested in his genitals, other cross dressers, and men who were intrigued by the mixture of masculinity and femininity he represented. 

    *assigned* means gender at birth. 

    According to Helen Boyd, "Tranny chasers are the big bugaboo in the crossdressing community, because their very existence suggests that crossdressers are not all as straight as they claim to be. Chasers are willing to give crossdressed men the kind of attention they desire, and that attention (a drink, a compliment) validates the crossdresser's experience, and completes the fantasy of feeling like a woman.    
     
    Trans women on the other hand, with a definate gender identity problem, dysphoria, are very different, in the main appealing to a different type of man, commonly referred to as Tranny admirers, (not to be confused with tranny shaggers) who are seeking a more empathetic relationship, regardless of the woman being pre-op or post-op, where an opposite penis fetish is not usually involved, considerate male may offer, want to reciprocate in the pleasing department.   I was once severley castigated in the forums for suggesting a pre-op transwoman engaging in anal sexual encounters with men was normal, the woman perceives herself as female, ergo a straight, heterosexual women, a woman that enjoys anal sex several members here had the opinion that was a disgusting idea, they would never engage with a male, erm, then if they truly present and think they are women, logically that would make them lesbians? choices and ideals are as profound as life itself.   Personally sometimes sexual orientation depends soley on who one falls in love with. as in couples staying together after one partner transitions, the love is still there and the others needs and desires are understood and accepted.
     

    References in pop culture 

    Barry Zuckerkorn, a lawyer on the television series Arrested Development has a penchant for transgender prostitutes. 
    Matt McNamara, a high school student on the television series Nip/Tuck, learns that a former lover is transsexual and becomes fascinated with them. 
    RuPaul's 2009 studio album Champion includes a track titled "Tranny Chaser". 

     

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
    This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at October 21, 2020 7:13 PM BST
      January 8, 2017 1:39 PM GMT
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  • Good read Christine. Transgenderism like everyone else in this world have many different shades of sexualities within it. I dare to say any trans girl who has been around the block once or twice and who enjoys men has had their run ins with tranny chasers. I have before and contrary to much of the hate they receive within our community I do not find them all to be these reprehensible trolls. For some reason when it comes to the topic of sex and peoples attractions and orientations there are some contingents within the trans community that are quite ravenous in opinions of what should be what. I'm much more open minded to the differences and accept us all for whoever we may be. There are plenty of assexual trans people for example who find sex very much a turn off. There are your lesbian girls. There are bi and pansexuals and the straights too who enjoy the opposite gender only. It makes no difference to me and the heart is what matters in the end. Sex between two consenting adults is quite normal. It may seem sad to some people.. and in some cases it is sad(when men cheat on their wives and can not admit there desires) for example. Sure , there are many are deep in the closet.. but not all. Some guys are very well aware they are into trans women and embrace it. I guess my point is.. being comfortable within yourself and accepting of each others differences when it comes to sexuality goes a long way. It's mostly nobodies business but you and your partners anyways. The clinical psychological studies are very interesting to read too.

    Jessica Nova
      January 10, 2017 9:19 PM GMT
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  • I'm sick of men! I created a Facebook as Cynthia to socialize a bit people and hopefully make new friends. I included my gender and trans woman on my profile and I've joined some trans groups. (None compare to GS remotely!) Every guy that I've added has just wanted to get in my panties or me in their pants. They were all the same. Hi, you're so beutiful I'd like to get to know you and then: I want a relationship with no strings and lots of sex. The ones of told no are like, come on, how do you know unless you try it or other nonsense. I've blocked a few link that now. Is this what I have to look forward to? Men chasing me trying to get inside my panties?

     

    Sorry, Mondays are always rough because I still go to work presenting male. This crap started this morning with a friend request from some guy who was friends with some of the trans women I know. So, I added him and we started chatting. He's like, oh, you're so beautiful. I reply ty. Then he starts in with he is looking for a relationship with lots of sex. When I told him no he'd have to look elsewhere if he wanted a relationship like that he said, "Why? Is it because you're gay and crossdress? That's what I'm looking for." Makes me what to puke.

      January 23, 2017 10:55 PM GMT
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  • Oh! dear, Cynthia,  There are a few decent men, who respect us, it is all about understanding, Gender leanings,as opposed to sex, I have met a few of those that you describe and at the time was so desperate for attention and confirmation of my own identity indulged..   Self delusion, innocence is wonderful at the time.   Unfortunately theose that do not understand the complexity of Gender identity disorders do think we are gay men in frocks.    I have a couple of friends who were transexual, got married, and their partners soon lost all interest when my friends had reasignment surgery.

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      January 24, 2017 1:46 PM GMT
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  • Thanks dear. I appreciate your answer. I know not all are the same and there are good men out there. With my current circumstances I am not ready for a relationship and need friends more than romance. I would love to chat with one man without him making a pass at me though. I guess I should be flattered that people find me attractive though.

      January 24, 2017 5:42 PM GMT
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  • well I find OK Cupid gets me lots of attention from men. I have not actually met any of them yet and hence I have not revealed my trans status. generally I'd wait until at least the first date. But try the site, and see if you don't get some traffic.

      April 3, 2017 7:46 PM BST
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  • Very difficult, Rhonda,   I take it you mean attention over the internet,   If you don't disclose that you are trans before you meet up, you mights get seriously assaulted.    My advice stick to trans sites, so you definately know that the person who makes  the advances knows your tran before meeting up.    Then you have to sort out the wanna be willy suckers  from the genuine men that are looking for other genuine qualities you posses,   There are a lot of gay men out there that live in the closet and look for passable trans women, to hide their secret desires, as soon as you mention reasignment surgery they will drop you like a hot brick.

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      April 3, 2017 8:08 PM BST
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  • I've tried it both ways Cristine. When I'm upfront before a meeting, I either get dropped immediately or I attract one of the willie suckers as you put it. I find that given a chance to know me, perhaps a few dates but of course pre sex, some of the guys actually stick around. I think by then I'll have a clue about how this guy will take the news.

      April 3, 2017 10:46 PM BST
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  • Interesting topic...thnx for bringing it up!

    I had joined a couple of "straight" dating sites where the only option for gender was the binary "M" or "F".  I'd check "F" but in my profile mention that I was a special girl with a little something different down below.  I left it at that as far as being a trans woman while creating an interesting profile designed to attract an inteligent, well rounded, but open minded person.  

    I was very surprised at the number of men who reached out to me that actually understood just who I was and stated that they were very interested in learning more about me and wished to meet up, a typical response in a binary world.  In further communication, quite a few expressed that they were totally fine with dating a passable trans woman while some fit into that "admirer" or even "chaser" mode as described in the thread earlier.  Throughout our communication, I make it clear that I'm not your typical girl but do not say I'm trans unless they bring it up.  If they are not picking up on that part, I know they are not good listeners and have only one thing on their minds.  It helps explain just why they are on these sites to begin with as they probably have difficulty connecting with women in their face to face living.

    I am very careful in who I might meet and have a series of "tests" I use to screen them in hopes of who truly sees me as a cool person or who just wants to suck on my little weenie to satisfy their fetish or whatever.  Those guys (the ones who want to dive right down on me) get identified and called out and blocked forever.  First and foremost, I want to actually like the person I'm going to meet and hopefully he created the spark in me that says "I must meet this guy, he seems really neat"! But equally as important to me, the man must demonstrate decent social skills in how he communicates his thoughts, his desires, his outlook, his personality.  If he has little or no sense of humor, or seems to be in too much of a rush, or ignores my obvious clues as I direct the conversation to where it requires a little bit of a brain, then they don't "advance" in my "process".  Shoot, I can afford to be selective.  I will not lower myself to appear as a lesser person or weaker one in order to get a date.  That only leads to disappointment in the long term.  I am not "desparate".

    After a while, most men fall into "patterns" easily identifiable that simplify saying "yes" to a meet or date.  And if you can identify and be honest with yourself about the type of guy who you're interested in, makes the process a ton easier.  It seems cold and heartless as described, but my gut tells me we deserve better than most guys are willing to give us and to accept being treated as less than a special, wonderful, amazing woman is just not something we ought waste time with.

    And just as Jessica mentioned, I too, fall for the person without regards to their gender...in fact, gender to me in not binary and really not a big deal.  It really is all about the person, not the organs or presentation...if the person's cool, then cool!  It's just ultimately "labels" that peg everyone and labels do not measure one's soul! (smile)

    Sorry...I got off topic a bit, but my comment somehow seemed an appropriate response!

    Traci xoxo

    <p>Traci</p>
      April 6, 2017 6:53 AM BST
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  • well said Traci and a very wise procedure. I'm on OK Cupid with no real intention of meeting anyone. But it is nice to get flattering comments from handsome young men- some of them are really young. Can't understand what they want with a woman my age.

      April 12, 2017 3:08 PM BST
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  • Rhonda...the younger guys might fall into a grouping that includes "gold diggers" (guys out to just leech onto your financial assets where you afford their lifestyle...).  Or they might think that since you are "older" and single, that you're desparate for companionship and sex, etc.  (smile)  I try my best to bring their intentions out in a subtle yet revealing way and will show some serious "bitch" at them when I crack their code!  LOL  The "best" are the guys that ask "can you host"???  LOL  In other words, they're either married and sneaking around or are embarrassed to bring you back to mom's basement!  In younger guys, I'm upfront in stressing while I'm OK with seeing a younger guy, I'm really looking for maturity and that age does not matter if one acts civilized and mature in all settings.  Geez, I sound like a tightly wrapped prude but nothing could be further from the truth.  They have to earn my trust before I'll unleash my inner self, which is actually a fun loving, spirited woman who is comfy in about any environment, casual to formal.  But I refuse to lower myself into the gutter to satisfy some knucklehead's sexual fantasy unless it is mine! (grin)

    Stay safe out there and enjoy life!

    Traci xoxo

    <p>Traci</p>
      April 12, 2017 9:11 PM BST
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  • Well I did unleash myself once to Hunter. He was just 25 and a culinary student in NYC. I met him at one of those rate me/date me sites. He was so respectful and pashionate that after a few months, I did meet him at Tavern on the green. Over a glass of wine, I gently explained my status. He was surprised but after a few gulps of wine he said "I don't care, I still want to see you". That led to a summer affair that made me feel like a young girl again. It was wonderful but I finally had to let my little cub go,

      April 13, 2017 3:01 PM BST
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  • How cool!  (smile)

    xoxo

    <p>Traci</p>
      April 13, 2017 6:09 PM BST
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  • Men are like paving slabs, lay them right first time and you get to safely walk over them forever.

    Read morehttp://www.searchquotes.com/quotes/author/Cristine_Shye_/1/popular/#ixzz4eKsjWYeq

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      April 15, 2017 5:21 PM BST
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  • Confucious has nothing on our lovely Crissie!!!

    xoxo

    <p>Traci</p>
      April 17, 2017 2:50 PM BST
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  • That does not apply to our lovely men that are members here, lol.

     

    But I have found that most men are akin to mascara, first sign of emotion, a few tears and it runs

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      April 17, 2017 3:08 PM BST
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  • *giggles*

    xoxo

    <p>Traci</p>
      April 17, 2017 10:52 PM BST
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  • 95

    This is an interesting post.  Thanks for sharing this Cristine.  It does paint a bleak picture for finding the right partner.  But I think you have the right idea, judging from your approach.  Stay positive.  I think that staying true to yourself and don't try to justify yourself is probably the best lesson from these posts.  This site really is a gem.

     

    Alice

      April 27, 2017 9:52 PM BST
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  • I'm tired of trying online relationships with men through social media, dating sites, meetups, whatever. I chat with them for a bit, and tell them that I'm a "special girl". (Thanks for that term Traci :) ) Then either one of two things happens. I never hear from them again, which is preferable to the second behavior. They profess their undying love, continue to chat with me and a week later start asking for money in different ways. One guy it was iTunes cards for is daughter, another my son was in an accident and I need money for emergency medical treatment, basically I will be with you but as long as you pay me to be with you. I'm not giving up on the male side of the race but I seem to only be attracting the "winners."

     

    Cynthia 

      April 29, 2017 8:26 PM BST
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  • Cynthia, I'm glad you have at least learned to understand the games being played on the internet dating sites.  Always keep your standards high and continue to maintain your dignity for once you lower yourself down to their levels, you'll have a tough time ever climbing back to the "norm".  There are good people out there but you must be patient and screen carefully.  Mlost think we're vulnerable and desparate.  Sadly, many of us tend to be that way...do not be "that person"!  And I've found by eliminating the gender binary hangups and just seeing another for just their admirable traits really opens up my world to unlimited possibilities.  Being on estrogen for a while will truly make that easier for you over time!

    Best wishes always!

    Traci xoxo

    <p>Traci</p>
      April 30, 2017 4:43 PM BST
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  • I'm figure it out rather quickly, out of necessity! My spam filter gets rid of a lot of the chaff but it's disappointing when you find a promising one only for them to run for the hills or ask for money after a few conversations. The ones that are truly horiffying though are the ones that send dick pics/videos. What makes a person feel like that need to share that with somebody they've mailed from a site once! I'm sure that I'll find somebody, someday and I'm definitely not in any rush. My door definitely isn't closed to anybody on the gender spectrum. Unfortunately I'm finding that for these sites you have to have your profile set to a single binary choice, M or F. The ones I tried that weren't I will definitely not return to (shakes head).

    Thanks for the reply dear. (hugs)
    Cynthia

      April 30, 2017 11:51 PM BST
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  • Awww...just go about your normal business and things will fall into place over time.  No need to rush, you have enough on your plate right now!  (smile)

    xoxo

    <p>Traci</p>
      May 1, 2017 1:16 AM BST
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  • From personal observation, even genuine girls (what is the preferred term? GG?) have many of the same problems finding nice guys that you mention. Internet dating doesn't live up to its promise. In all of my experience, the nicest people were to be found when I wasn't even looking for them. That goes for the anecdotal observations of other people I've talked to. Granted, TS women have the additional risk factor that has been mentioned. So bottom line is to find a nice guy who is cool with a TS woman. Which do you do first? Find a nice guy and then see what is his attitude about TS or find a group of guys who know you're TS and see if one of them is a nice guy. Unfortunately, that is what I don't know. But I think I would avoid the internet if I were hoping to meet someone and my wife gave me permission.

      May 1, 2017 3:00 AM BST
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  • The biggest "advantage" to using a dating site is that at least you're "fishing" in a pool that might have a lot more "open minded" people. The drawbacks are obvious in that you'll find a ton of "garbage" fish amongst the potential trophy fish.  By setting up a profile in those sites, at least you're upfont in your gender status and if you word your profile carefully enough, you can weed out the weird ones from the good ones.  Even then, it takes close scrutiny of those contacting you.  A rough estimate from my experience is that for every 100 people who reach out, maybe 5 or so are worth continuing conversation with, and of those 5, maybe, just maybe, 1 works out to where you do look forward to meeting them.  

    So my advice is do not be that sunfish that will strike on anything that you toss in the water.  I'd rather be alone than to waste time with someone that I know I truly would not wish to see again...

    Traci xoxo

    <p>Traci</p>
      May 1, 2017 5:16 PM BST
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  • Mmmmm Traci, the sage,(the wise one)  should we move the dating forum on GS to all member access?

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      May 1, 2017 5:21 PM BST
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