November 26, 2004 10:14 PM GMT
Hi Jane-
I think all the girls have given excellent advice so far, one of the best things about TW is when you ask a question, you get advice from people who have walked in those pumps and know what they're talking about.
The first thing that came to my mind is what do you mean by "out"? Do you mean living as a woman 24/7 (whether you opt for SRS or not) with all of your family, friends, colleagues, coworkers, knowing that you once were a man but are now a woman, at least for all intents?
Do you mean telling your family & perhaps your closest friends about your gender issues and being out occasionally en femme but living most of your life as a male? Perhaps working as your male self and being Jane somewhere else, away from where you live?
Or perhaps you mean telling your wife or SO about Jane and dressing at home to a greater or lesser degree but not going out in public? Or any variation & combination of these options and for sure, these are not all the options.
Just to speak from personal experience, I am partly out and partly not. My wife knows about Joni and is generally okay and supportive. We do have our occasional issues and to be honest, if I told her that starting today I would never dress again or ever even speak of it, she would be quite happy. However, since that ain't gonna happen and we love each other, we try to work things out. Aside from her, only a couple of close friends know about Joni. (Hmm, come to think of it, they've never actually met Joni, it may be time for them to make her acquaintance. A topic for another thread.)
I have a 16 year old son, whom I suspect knows a great deal more than he lets on, but I have not come out to him, though I know I will probably have to sooner or later. At this point ignoring the elephant in the living room (or the panties in the dryer) is easier. And as to the rest of my friends, coworkers, acquaintances, etc, I don't dress anywhere near where I live.
Call me a coward (cowardess?) but I find the whole idea of explanation, enlightenment, fighting preconceptions, etc, exceptionally unapetizing and tedious. Yes, perhaps I should make the effort and carry the TG/TS banner (I wonder what it would look like?) to the unenlightened masses in my little town, but I'm just not that political anymore. I did the 60's, now I just want to tend my own garden.
But of course, in some ways I am out, I'm out to all the girls here on TW and other groups to a greater or lesser degree and when I go out in public, it's "heeeere's Joni", like it or lump it, out in a very real sense even though they have no idea who the exceptionally tall girl with the masculine features and exquisite style sense is. Okay, I threw in the style sense thing, I'm still working on that.
So, after this long discursive, monologue, I guess the question is, as Sandra outlined for you, what is it you want for yourself and where do you want Jane to go? And in some ways, coming out is a journey or a process, too. Not something you do all at once (bounding out of the phone booth in tights, short skirt, boots, optional cape & superpowers) unless you really want to. You can come out little by little as your comfortable with who you are and/or discover more about yourself. The thing is, of course, once you open that door, you really can't close it again. Once someone knows, they know. And speaking personally, once I stepped out as Joni, I never wanted to go back. That closet was so confining and stuffy. Yuck.
No matter what, you can ask questions here on TW, either on this board or by emailing any of us who you think might be congenial and asking. I don't think anyone will shoot you down or make fun of you or treat you like an idiot for asking. Not to say we can't be smart alecky or snippy, but we usually save it until we get to know you a little better.<lol>
Hugs, Joni from Oregon
