This may be slightly long so please bare with me girls. One never learns unless you ask.

I've been a crossdresser for 3/4s of my life. It's me. It'll never go away. As much as I wished I could transform myself completely, I never really gave it much thought and now I feel I'm a little too old to actually make that change so I've accepted myself being just who I am....a CD.

I became engaged to a wonderful woman 4 years ago. Yes, I know it's a long engagement but we both have other committments and our time will come but lately I've been finding excuses to prolong that day even more as I've noticed changes in her. She tolerates my crossdressing but has never fully accepted it. A co-worker of hers recently 'came out of the closet' and has been working towards 'her' goal of living out her life as a complete female. My fiancee is now seeing first hand the changes a 'woman' makes to become a woman and she stated to me that she's starting to have a real hard time accepting all of this and that includes my desire to dress like her. She has affirmed that when we finally live together, she wants to see 'Stacy' gone. Period. End of discussion. She just won't tolerate Stacy.

Recently, I befriended a friend's co-worker. As we opened up to each other, I realized how much alike we were. We soon became lovers and yes, I'm now having a full blown out affair with her. The biggest thrill of all is that she's totally accepting of Stacy. She WANTS me to dress up. She says she can't explain it but she's excited when I'm 'all dolled up'. She buys me panties and nylons and make-up. She's a former cosmetician and she actually APPLIES the make-up for me. She says it's like having a boyfriend AND a 'girlfriend' all rolled up into one! With her, for the first time in my life, I actually went for a walk around the block all dressed up as Stacy! She wants to get involved in the CD/TV/TG community and has accompanied me out on fetish nights at downtown clubs. She's even suggested that I shave completely because she finds that a wild turn-on. This girl LOVES sex. She LOVES c**k. Jokingly I teased her about actual transgenderment and she said hey, no problem, we'll just buy a strap-on!!! She's let two of her girlfriends in on my little secret and the two of them are so accepting of it that we now have an actual 'girl's night out' every so often. It's unbelievable how much fun you can have with several women like that!

This woman is everything I wish my fiancee was but that's not going to happen. I love my fiancee dearly and she's sooooo good with my daughter and I'm afraid to make an upheaval in her life but I don't think I can live without 'Stacy'. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I sure could use some advice, no matter how blunt it may be. So I ask you......what would YOU do?

Stacy