had this scary man try to physically drag me out of the bar by my arm...earlier he had come up to me and said"I've never been with ONE OF YOU (strike one) before, would you lilke to go 'do something'", well of course i told him "No " and went about my business, the bartenders even checked with me because they also got "Bad vibes" from this guy...well next thing I know , I am near the front door when he grabs my arm and starts to pull me out,he was literally dragging me . I must have left inch deep trenches in his face, (found a lot of skin under my nails afterwards) and the bartenders just about hurdled the bar and had this guy down in a flash...They worked him over pretty well before sending him on his way...but it just shook me for the rest of the night...have a pretty good bruise on my arm where he grabbed me....Kinda still shaken up this morning

well i did find out today that someone jotted down his plate number...so I probabl will pursue charges..just not real overjoyed about putting up with the attitude I will probably get from our local boys in blue....i have a huge bruise that goes completely around my arm from where he grabbed me and some bruises on my legs where he drug me thru a doorway...gonna take some pics first and then head to the local station

Thanks for everyones input this forum is so full of decent concerned people..it really makes me feel good about who I am when I count you amongst my peers

I not only tipped him I bought him some theatre tickets to a show I had heard him talking about seeing..funnily enough it was "The vagina monologues"... yeah..I know...

Just a follow-up, apparently two nights after this happened he was spotted in another bar on the south side by someone who was at the bar with me the night he went bonkers. They notified the bartender, the police were called, they questioned him and asked him about my incident and took a statement from the man that spotted him as to what transpired previously. and then just told him not to come in either bar again and LET HIM GO...The only satisfaction I get from this is that maybe someone didnt get beat up or worse that night , but I am sorely displeased that they just slapped him on the hand for messing with me sort of ... "Bad Boy , Dont drag the Tranny".... sorry but Thats just how I envision it...*sigh*, next time I might take Stevies approach...just havent felt real safe the past week or so...

I'm sorry to hear about this, Rikki. You have every right to be shaken up. Assualt is not funny in any way. I am glad that people were there to help you. Some of our TW sisters have not been as fortunate to have assistance. Any way to press charges, or did they work him over good enough that he'll think twice about doing it again? What scares me is that he may, and probably will, now go find someone else to take out these frustrations on. Take care. Mere

I'm so glad you were in a safe place with friends to watch over you. I'm allways affraid for girls going out to different places for the first time. This help prove it's best to know where your going. Take care Rikki I'm glad your OK.

Hi Rikki-

I'm very, very glad you're okay and didn't come to any harm, at least not physically. Sadly, this is one of things real women face in their lives, not necessarily on a daily basis thank goodness, but the possiblility of sexual assault is real and it is always there for t-girls as well as g-girls. As far as reporting the assault (and it was an assault, not an attempted one) to the police, that's up to you. Unfortunately their unspoken attitude may be that you "asked for it" due to the circumstances of how you were dressed and where you were. And don't feel that they're being prejudiced against transgendered persons, though they may be, it's an attitude real women face in similar situations also. They may take a report but my guess is their pursuit of it will be less than vigorous.

I think we should always be ready to defend ourselves with whatever degree of force is necessary under the circumstances and to always be aware of our surroundings and what is going on around us and be prepared to flee or fight. The same rules that apply to real girls as far as being careful apply to us.

I'm glad you're okay, sis.

Hugs, Joni

Hi Shan-

Yes, girl, you are absolutely right, Rikki should report it to the police if she hasn't already. I didn't mean for what I wrote to sound like she shouldn't, just to point out that no matter how many classes in sensitivity and diversity cops take, many of them still have that "blame the victim" mentality. "If you weren't in a place like this at this time of night dressed like that, then this wouldn't have happened." They do it to real girls, too.

And yeah, I used to wonder why women were always so wary and so many of them treat men like potential assailants, it's because so many men are or can be. I know there's a statistic floating around out there that something like one out of every four women has been raped, I believe that figure to be highly suspect, but nonetheless, far too many women are assaulted every day. Something that real girls are always aware of.

All I can say is I'm glad Rikki is okay and I hope all of us are careful out there. Sometimes I think we feel so good about being out and being ourselves that we feel nothing bad could happen to us.

Hugs, Joni

bl**dy hell! no wonder you're still shaken up this morning...i think i would be too after such a totally unprovoked incident like that.It's just as well those barmen got to the scumbag and gave him a damn good kicking,which is all he deserved.At least there were people around to help when you needed them.Don't let this one incident put you off going out femme...cos you ARE better than that.i guess it'll make you that bit more careful when you do go out.I am so glad that you are ok..you take care now honey...love and xxxxxxx anna-marie

I carried a gun for 17 years. Some years back I stopped, except for special occassions. There were a lot of reasons, including feeling significantly less threatened. My ex used to go anywhere she wanted, any time of day or night, alone...because she carried a 6" combat magnum pistol in her purse. She said the freedom it gave her as a woman was incredible (intoxicating might have been close from how I read her). She averted many attempts to assault her, out and at home, with that gun, including two attempts to force entry into our apartment. I understood that, but I didn't "feel" it because I didn't feel threatened. "He" was NEVER allowed to feel fear and saw predators as fresh meat. However, the point that, as a t-girl, those who might have avoided Him might well decide Wendy was a legitimate victim...just because I'm a "girl". And Wendy is a lot less aggressive, even en homme.

Rikki's experience is awful. I've been attacked and even if "victorious" you have aftereffects. The world is never quite the same again, even if you aren't afraid. It makes me think. Do I need to send away for a catalog from "Uncle Mike's" for that "special" handbag? (They are great bags, even as bags, and they make the best waistpack I have ever worn) What if my car breaks down in the middle of nowhere at night? What if there are 4 of them and I'm in 5" heels and a bit drunk and alone?

Unpleasant thoughts? Trust me, I have seen the victims in critical care units. I'm, literally, not going there...as a victim. You can learn to protect yourself and be careful without living in fear. My 5'3" ggf left her attacker on his knees, nose bleeding, begging her not to hit him again...and he was close to 6' tall. Most predators do not like being hurt. Being a woman does not have to mean being a victim, but it does mean being more careful.

I'll echo the previous statements and say that's it's a good thing you were in a public place with someone who could quickly come to your aid. I think receiving unwanted attention goes with the territory, but it's usually harmless. While out at various night clubs, I've been hugged, kissed, stroked, etc. by men I'd just been introduced to, and even total strangers. However forward they might've been, it was clear their intentions were not hostile, so I just took the gestures as the compliments they were. Straight or gay, men will be men. So far, no one has gone too far with me.

Unfortunately, we always have to be wary of creeps, and the first line of defense is realizing that there's a good amount of safety in numbers. Staying aware, keeping our wits about us (not getting drunk), and avoiding being alone while out are the best ways to avoid bad situations. Like Wendy, I'm also prepared for worst case scenarios, but I realize that option isn't legally available in all areas.

So, Rikki, did you remember to tip your bartender that night?

I really don't want to get into a political debate in Rikki's topic, so I won't get into specifics about weapons, other than to say that each of us needs to be careful and take whatever precautions we deem appropriate, and that using deadly force is always a last resort. In many cases, going out with friends, instead of going out alone, is a very effective way to avoid trouble. However, there will always be times when one is alone, and that can be scary, even in public places, as Rikki demonstrated. We always have to keep our eyes and ears open.

Rikki, maybe having the police confront him will make the guy wake up, but some guys are hard-headed and refuse to acknowledge warnings. I'm assuming the police couldn't do anything unless charges were filed, and even then, a prosecutor would probably have the same "don't drag the tranny" attitude you mentioned. As with domestic violence, sometimes a person actually has to be badly beaten before anything can be done.

I'm glad the bar staff came to your aid, though. In my experiences here in Nashville, the staff at places like that have been quite welcoming and protective of trans women, which I appreciate more than they'll ever know. Also, I can never get enough of being called "honey" and "doll" by the owners and bartenders (both male and female). LOL