Hi,

i've been lurking around here for a while now and have only just plucked up the courage to actually post anything. Nothing's really happened today, i just feel i need to share what's going on in my life with someone other than my boyfriend (yes, he's fine with being called boyfriend, though obviously he's my girlfriend when he's dressed). It's a lonely existence as a cross-dresser's SO.

To sum up, I got together with Richard last May after being very good friends for 3 years. We're both students and do the same course. There are only 16 people on my course though, so it's really quite a close-knit group. Obviously this meant the initial get-together could have been a disaster. I'm so very very glad it wasn't. Due to some strange circumstances and prior arrangements, we spent the summer living together. After about 4 weeks (and therefore only 2 months into the relationship) he told me about the cross-dressing.

That was a really emotional evening. In all I think it took him 5 hours to come out with it. He started by telling me he wanted to tell me something important (mind starts boggling, paranoia that he wants to break up), then built up to it being something he likes doing for sexual reasons (again paranoia, what on earth is he into?!) and finally (after a drink or 2) he admitted he likes girly clothing. To be honest i was relieved. after all that i thought it was going to be something horrible. I'm not sure i reacted as well as i could have. Obviously i was rather shockied, but i didn't freak out and i think he was greatful. I didn't see him dressed for a while after that. We talked about it a lot and i tried to understand a bit more, then i went away to a music festival in Germany for a week. Whilst there i realised, much to my amusement, that i actually quite liked the idea of him in a skirt and wanted to see it. So when i got back, we got dressed up and had a nice dinner. It was excellent. He looked beautiful in a long skirt (actually one of mine) and a little red t-shirt. All in all, was one of the best nights i've ever had.

Well, since then we haven't really looked back. I think our personal circumstances make things a bit easier. I'm bisexual and, to put it bluntly, fancy Richard like crazy as a girl. He's got beautiful long hair (he's in a rock band and doesn't even have the longest hair or the "girliest haircut" in the band) and the most stunning legs ever, so he looks pretty stunning as a girl. We've even integrated the cross-dressing into our sex life. One of the best things has to be when we went to a fancy-dress halloween party as "lesbian vampires". I had to pretend to be the pushy girlfriend, so clearly i just *made* him get high heels and shave his legs. He wore a long, black velvet dress of mine and he looked so convincing a couple of his bandmates didn't even recognise him. We've laughed about that night so many times since. That was excellent. It's not been sunshine and roses all the time, but really it's been a lot of fun.

I guess that makes it harder to keep secret. Richard doesn't want the other people we know to know about what he does (i'm the first person he's ever told). So every time we have an excellent night, or whenever i'm telling my other friends about him (old school friends get *very* curious) I have to keep what i see as one of the best and most fun things about him a secret.

I'm not good at secrecy. I can't lie to people (though i can stay silent) and sometimes i just feel really lonely. That's really why i'm posting this here. I know this is a safe place. There's zero chance of someone i know wandering in (unless they cross-dress too . I'm not looking for masses of response. I just needed to *tell* someone. I love Richard (he doesn't use a female name), both his girly side and his boy side and it's great to be able to come here and see other people in successful relationships with cross-dressers.

As a final thing (if you've read this far! oops), I'd say to all you women out there who can't understand your partner cross-dressing: Try. It's not hard and the love you'll get back for showing acceptance beats anything you can ever imagine. You don't need to stop loving the man, just learn to love the woman as well.

Cat
xxx

Bravo Cat.
What a great post! It's my first time too (having lurked for a whole day!!) and our story is similar. I know where you're coming from re the secrecy thing and yes, sometimes you do want to talk about it. (I'm not very good at keeping secrets either lol)

Rachel (my other half) found this site and we've found it very useful. Until recently, like you and Richard, it was a case of just dressing, no fem name. The name came later when we discovered that it wasn't simply a case of dressing to look good, there is a fem side to him that I could relate to on a woman to woman level. I don't know if that makes sense, but it was something I'd never experienced before. Rachel is quite different to her male persona and I consider myself lucky to have the best of both worlds. The most confusing part for me is that I am straight and very early on began questioning my own sexuality, only natural I guess.

Now we have some direction, and are taking it slowly. I plan to take Rachel out sometime soon but we're not sure where just yet.

In some ways we've found it harder than some couples as we are in a Dom/sub relationship as well. There seems to be a fair amount of stigma attached to femDom where cross dressing is concerned. A lot of people think its about kinkiness or humiliation and degradation. Nothing could be further from the truth. Rachel's submission to me is an act of love and strength of character. The last thing I would do is use it as a means to demean her character and take away all the things I love about her.

In some ways it's helped me to bring out the real Rachel and we've never been happier.

Anyway, good luck to you both and thanks again for a brilliant post.

Mistress Fox aka Foxter x

I'm not nervous to post. Just don't seem to have much to say now. blurted it all out at once i guess. lol.

It seems that being often unaccepted and ignored by the world is the best thing for making someone open minded and accepting. Since going on my hunt for cross-dressing information, I've found a wealth of interesting messageboards, full of welcoming and kind people. It's great.

On a more personal level, Richard can be a total git when he's a boy (which i find strangely attractive. cynicism is sexy to me. Heaven knows why). Years of secrecy have not been good for him; but as a girl, he's kind, loving, sensual and all the things I want in a girlfriend. I can say now, I will *never* blame cross-dressing for problems in our relationship.

p.s. I love all these icons! No idea what most of them are though :s

Dear Cat,

First, let me welcome you to TW. You will not be alone here. We have quite a few SO's who participate regularly, so you will have others who understand what you are experiencing. We have a chat room where you can talk with a vired collection of members and non-members and can start your own chatroom and limit it (to SO's for example). Just remember that we are as varied as the colors of the rainbow. TG's can very from almost unnoticable to being transexual. Richard is Richard and each of us is unique, so don't worry if you find a few of us odd. TW has some of the most lovely, caring people in the world.

We understand how hard it is for you. There is an increasing tendency for TG conventions to arrange parallel SO activities. The isolation that you mention is not atypical. Women need to talk about things and not being able to talk to your friends can be difficult. You will find that being an accepting SO will make you a highly accepted and respected member of TW's family. All you will have to do is ask, and many will help.

There is someone for everyone out there, and you seem to have found a likely candidate in Richard. Just remember that you will have problems that affect any couple and you should both try not to put the blame on Richard's transgenderism. It's too easy and unlikely to be the problem in your relationship. In fact, it's probably those qualities that attracted you to him.

Sorry, I'm in expositon mode. Ask anyone. Once Wendy gets started you can't shut her up. Again, welcome and <hug>.

Cat,
I'm happy things are working out well for you. I wish I was as lucky as that. Alas, it is not to be.

Don't be nervous about posting here. You'll find us to be a very open minded and accepting group.

Mere