Hello All ~ i found this place through searching the net . i'm not sure what all is here or available . looking through the archives i found some help or support Groups noted which i have looked into but nothing much has come from those as yet .

i am the SO of a Lovely Exciting CD/TS Male Person .... who unfortunately did not feel it was/is vital Relationship information to make me privy to his feelings and needs prior to getting too involved .... my thoughts are its because of fear on his part . i was only allowed by him to know of minimal CD interests AKA *occassionly* cross-dressing for fun . Having been with him 2 years now i have come across Many things that have revealed to me *Things* are Much bigger then that . While i am not at all shocked , quite the opposite actually , She is soooooo Beautifull to me Dressed and in her Girl side , Breathtakingly in my eyes .... i find that my feelings are very hurt in the lack of Trust He/She has shown for this Relationship , and the lack of intimacy that creates , as well as the doubt and trust issues that have occurred within me now as a result . i am a very open and diverse Person , something that was known to my Partner Prior to being in a Relationship with me .... and yet here i stand in the dark for the most part even still . What i have Learned has been through accidental discovery of Her activities that spurred efforts on my part to Learn more . Things like chat windows left open , my missing clothing , or my clothing in a place i did not put it or hidden in odd places i came across accidentally . ive tried Talking about these things with Him/Her but this has not worked very well because He/She denies so much <sighs> . i then put a program on the computer in order to be able to See what is going on and make sense of it as a effort to work things out somehow some way . what is revealed through that is that now it is clear to me that my ignorance of my Partners actions is a part of the excitement and joy for my Partner ie the fear of discovery . And this does put a crink in things for Us as far as the success or failure of this Relationship . i have also recently discovered He occassionally meets people from online in real time Dressed and has sex with them , and for me that is scarry for several reasons . While i am not opposed to an open Relationship , i believe bounderies and agreements must exist for a Relationship like that to survive . No Relationship can survive or even be a Real Relationship without the people in it doing the work together . Has anyone else here been in or knows someone who is in a situation like this ?

i think its also important to note here that my goal is not to end this Relationship . My Partner has many facets to Him/Her not just this one , and we are very close and Love eachother very much , but in this area it can make or break Us .... and i am seeking knowledge , help , and guidance from anyone who is willing to talk about this in my own efforts to keep this from happening . i am not looking for detracting comments , or putdowns about my Partner . i Love my Partner very much and there is far more than this issue between Us involved here that is very positive . This issue however is not one ive faced before , could destroy us , and i am looking for Community .

Any suggestions ?

Thank U ~ Suni

Hello Mere,

It's been a long while since I was here. I lost everything to do with this site *until* a prospective employer found my entire post here about my personal life by searching my name on the net And the outcome was not good.

Thank you for your input on my situation which still exsists BTW. In answer to your questions, Yes to all of them. I have tried everything you have mentioned. And the Fact that I am still Here Loving this person you would think would speak loudly for my intentions and committment....and yet things remain the same in most ways. One that it does not is that I have totally let go of physical intimacy with my partner some time ago. I simply cannot will not risk my physical health. This hurts very much to have had to do....but it's better then the alternative should he contract something and pass it on to me. Otherwise things here are mostly the same :/ This does pretty much leave a big whole in my Life and his regarding me....but he doesn't want to talk about that....so we don't for now. When he is out of school things are going to be different, as I have set goals for myself.

We get along well in most things in Life and have a lot in common and most of the same interests. But he cannot bare to be Honest, preferring instead to believe the parts he cannot deal with will simply go away. And I cannot bare to be anything but Honest....though there's much I don't say right now. And the bandaid of denial just does not work for me at all.

In order to have a conversation with anyone everyone needs to be willing and able to be Honest. One simply cannot have a conversation with someone who will not be Honest. Whats the point of hearing more lies? Nothing can get fixed like that.

Love and Blessings to All ~ Suni

Hi Suni,
If you need a community, this is the place. We really do need more SOs here. There are several and they will have plenty to offer you.

I can understand your feelings. You do feel lied to, and, in many ways, you were. I kept my transgenderism hidden from everyone for years. But this is not about me. This is about you.

I think I need to know your SO a lot better before saying anything. I see some dangerous behavior here. First of all, I hope your SO is using protection when running around with other people. You don't deserve this person giving you any diseases. I also think it is wrong for your SO to have affairs behind your back. If you have a prior agreement, then that's between you two, but this is a clear case of cheating, and that's wrong. I don't know your partner, so I won't say anything personally there. However, I do see some self-centeredness on his/her part. While I hid my being TG from my wife, I never ran around on her.

Have you tried a long, serious talk with this person? Have you tried to sit down and get some information? How have you tried to communicate about this? Have you told this person that you need honesty? I don't see very much going on.

I hope this all works out for you.

Mere

I was sorry to read about your potential employer Suni. However, if that was his attitude then perhaps you are better off.

Also, there is no need to use your real name. You can easily change the name that people see around the site by going to your "Edit your profile" page here:

http://gendersociety.com/[...]ile.cgi

Hope that helps.

Hugs,

Katie x