Hi ya'll I need some help. I'm a senior in High School and want to come out to my family. i want them to help me because I want to begin taking hormones and dressing in public. I'm terrified of what they'll say! I would like some help, any comments would be appreciated.

Hey Danielle,

You have come to a wonderful place for support and information. I thought I would offer some observation taken more from day-to-day life than a trans existence.

My first observation - given your age - is that you should begin the process to find a therapist to speak with. I say 'begin the process', Danielle, because it is very much a process or a journey of many, many, many small steps on which you are embarking. Every step will spawn questions, Danielle, lots of questions. Wendy offers sage advice about joining PFLAG.

Your starting point, Danielle, is understanding yourself and identifying the certainties and uncertainties that you feel about yourself and your destiny. Your starting point includes learning to listen to others because you've already shown by what you've written that what others say matters to you. What others say, how they say it and the emotions they display can lead or mislead you in understanding. Disappointment and worry is often disguised with indifference. The sound of fear is sometimes silence. Love is expressed by anger.

How much of your current uncertainty do you wish to share with your family now? This isn't a matter that is rational, it can't be explained with logic or linked to events or blamed on anyone. It just is and that is enormously difficult for most to comprehend. Your challenge is to acquire the skills to help those you love come to some understanding and hopefully acceptance and for you to acquire the self-sufficiency to accept whatever outcome they reach in a manner that best serves you. It is a tall order.

What is your relationship with your family, now? Do you take issues to your parents? Do you talk openly with Mom and Dad? Do they like to talk with you? Do you like what they've said in the past?

You say that you are 'terrified' of what your parents may say. Realize that that 'terror' is yours, not theirs. What do you fear they will say? Why do you fear it? What in your world outweighs that fear? What is worse than the outcome you fear?

Talk to us, Danielle. Ask any and every question that is important to you. Hopefully we can help.

Ann

One of the beautiful things about Trannyweb is the variety of support that you will receive in your quest to find yourself. Each of us brings to your appeal a different experience, perhaps different outcomes to the same experience, the permutations are amazing in number.

I'm hoping as a followup to your first post, Danielle, that you will post further thoughts -- even start a blog of your experiences, feelings, doubts, successes, failures victories or defeats - as an insight to us and later to you about this whole experience.

"To thin Own self, be true" is a powerful statement -- profound even -- because of the difficulty to achieve it. Every stand we take, everything we clarify to others who we are, how we feel and what we think, what we want.. we offer up a target for those around us who are threatened by the freedom we acquire 'being true to ourselves'.

Think about it, Danielle. We admire those who take a stand - sometimes we might think the stand foolish - but we admire the courage of conviction. Few people have that, very few. Why, because conviction takes courage, because it's hard to stand separate from the crowd while so many that are in the crowd are there out of fear and they resent those who have broken free and are free.

There is tremendous joy in the freedom of being yourself -- what the psychiatrists call 'self-actualization'. It is a glorious feeling, but once achieved it isn't fixed or permanent... it can easily slip away as those around you that you love, depend on, desire as friends, admire, respect and from whom you seek approval, wear away at your decisions with their own self-doubts cast as worries about your 'well-being'. If anyone says, "I'm only thinking of your best interests..." as they intrude in your life, consider that it's likely they are not acting in your interest but theirs to keep you in a part that they have cast you in in the play that is their iife and the way they want it.

No action is without consequence. It is good to be scared -- terrified even. Anything you do that creates an 'unsalvageable' situation, shows you where NOT to be. Waste no time on the 'unsalvageable'.

Take your time.

Danielle,
Welcome to TW little Sister. You don't have to deal with this alone.
Your best bet is PFLAG
http://www.pflag.org/
Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the United States PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

It's important to first be sure who and what you are on the Transgender Spectrum. Some people know they are a woman trapped in a male body, transexual. Some of us are elsewhere on a broad spectrum of Transgendered Folk. Hormonal therapy is an important step, should not be unduly delayed, but can have irreversable effects. The first thing you will want to do is see a qualified gender therapist to determine these things and get approval for any further medical treatment. It's important to know that you are an individual and that we vary considerably in what we need to be happy.

Read as much as you can on this site and others. Knowledge and understanding are important if you are to answer the questions of others. They will need facts and time to absorb them. You may, when it is time, to print out hardcopy of information to give them to read. Knowing your situation is medically recognized can be a big help to them. Please feel free to keep asking questions, chat with lots of the people here and get the help you need. That is why we are here, for you.

Sometimes people have a hard time understanding when you first tell them. Sometimes they surprise you with their acceptatnce. The bottom line is you can't help or change who you are. You won't be happy if you deny it or try to live otherwise. We know. Many of us have tried and failed. You will be happy when you accept yourself and live the life you feel is right.