Last thursday i sent a short text to our only leftwing newspaper. It's also the only paper here dedicated to writing about culture issues.

For a couple of weeks there had been this debate on adoption, all about the rights of homosexuals. Well, i didn't really take part in that debate as such. Instead i made a recommendation: Walter L. Williams' book The Spirit and The Flesh: Sexual Diversity in American Indian Culture. Something to learn for middle class idealists of all persuasions, i said. And i made a few quotes - Williams' description of the berdache - "a morphological male who does not fill a society's standard man's role, who has a nonmasculine character" - and a few comments: "Berdaches gain social prestige by their spiritual, intellectual, or craftwork/artistic contributions, and by their reputation for hard work and generosity". In many tribes, berdaches are "powerful shamans"; they have "sacred powers to doctor illnesses". Williams quotes a Navajo woman, niece of "a well respected nadle (Navajo word for berdache) healer": They are seen as very compassionate people, who care for their family a lot and help people. That's why they are healers. Nadles are also seen as being great with children, real Pied Pipers. Children love nadles , so parents are pleased if a nadle takes an interest in their child. "Berdaches," writes Williams, "are recognized as having a special talent in educating children".

Adoption rights should be about abilities, about caring, of course, not about gender or sexual preferences. But, strictly speaking, my text was about outing myself. I signed the article, and added my old email adress to make sure people would understand.. From May 2002 until May last year i sent that paper 30 of my texts and they printed about 10 of them. They know i care, even though i have been openly critisizing a couple of their journalists, and the main editor too. So, they know my surname well, as do many of their regular readers - about 50.000 of them or so. Still, to make sure my text was printed i also sent a second message to the debate editor, saying that it was of some personal interest to me, and that maybe some other transgendered readers would be glad to see my text too. The editor said they were happy to print it. And two days later, on saturday, they did.

I did not deliberate much when i posted it, but i had sort of been waiting for the opportunity. Early thursday I read this text by a female writer. (or "female" writer ? i'm no longer sure..) She said something to the effect that anyone living a life excluding procreation simply should have to suffer the consequences. It was meant to provoke, i guess. But i'm equally sure she did not expect an answer from anyone like me, nor the kind of answer she got.

Still, there was another reason too, related to what happened here at TW over the previous weeks. Well, i thought, let us all stop being so hypocritical.

One freelance writer - a young female dramatist - had an article printed the same day, with the headline: More men should be wearing dresses... She recommended some use of make up too. And today there were this article by a "male" writer pointing out the difference between sex and gender, and the fact that a lot of people still seem to have difficulties with perceiving that.

While waiting for my text to be printed I also took part in an online debate about the differences between female and male writers, in another newspaper. A young and foolish male started it by arguing that men were better writers. He obviously meant to provoke female writers. My answer, instead, were that many of the best writers obviously have strong feminine and masculine abilities, and so they really are transcending gender. Without doing so they would simply not be able to give a truthful view of the world. My guess would be that is why that other young "male" writer said what she did about sex and gender today. But then she's a true genius, i'm sure...

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Proverbs

Leave the fool to his folly.

"Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself (26:4)." There are times when it is best to leave a foolish person to his own devices rather than to try to change him. Sometimes it is best just to leave him alone rather than providing him more ammunition to work with.

Expose folly.

"Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes (26:5)." Here it is - undeniable proof that the Bible contradicts itself! Are we to answer a fool according to his folly or not? Evidently this "contradiction" is deliberate and is in the Bible to show that there is no absolute law in this situation. There are times when folly must be exposed, either if the fool is one you believe is honestly seeking after wisdom, or if his folly will damage others. If a fool is impacting others, drawing them into his foolishness, he must be exposed for the sake of the church's health.

Know when to walk away.

"If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet (29:9)." There are times when you need to walk away instead of carrying on an argument. Foolish people have no real desire to learn or to be wise. Instead, they only seek opportunities to loudly express folly. Walk away so you can have peace.

Thanks, Joni.. xx I guess i can say this was the only way i could sort of come out at a workplace. And I feel lucky that i could do it this way, taking part like anyone else, and with that theme. With the positive reaction from the editor it means i probably can have some other articles printed later too. But we'll see...

This is an excellent task. The nature of trans culture is often one of trying to disappear into the woodwork, a.k.a. "pass" (I'm not going to criticize nor espouse that, because everybody's comfort level is different and should be respected), so usually the end result is that there are fewer people in the trans community to help transfolk coming out, and fewer people willing to be bold enough to create awareness of our "invisible" culture. The latter is also harder to do, and I applaud your efforts.

I agree, Sabina, and Mercedes too. I have always been a proponent of the idea that we should openly identify as trans, as opposed to one or the other end of the gender scale, as there are so many varying degrees of gender, or shades of grey between the black and white, that being trans is itself a valid gender. In the words of Dr. Carl Bushong, "Among the thousands of variations of gender, one can actually be in a gender group of one."

With regard to the male vs female writers thing, it has also been proposed that such elements of identity once thought to be aesthetic and cerebral in nature, or matters of choice, can actually be attributed to the same androgen receptor density phenomenon currently identified as the cause of transgenderism. In fact, the example used to illustrate the theory that lower androgen receptor density, not necessarily within the transgender range, can enable a male to experience and express emotions commonly associated with females, thus enhancing their writing ability, was none other than Ernest "Papa" Hemingway, a "man's man" in most people's opinion.

Anyway, well done, Sabina. I hope you have the further opportunity to positively impact public opinion in our behalf.

There are much totally opposite opinions about coming out as a trassexual in the society. Some of us say all openness is dangerous, some make a virtue of a unavoidable matter. I know one transwoman whos voice is so masculine, in spite of the passed operation, that she actually must explain every time to a new person why she has a female name. She speaks of "openness" but I understand that it is more a must.
I personally don´t wish of more coming out as a person with a trans past. Because there is no must to do so. There are enough people who know my past, as I my job as a city planner is a very public one. But I don´t bring myself the matter "on the table". I follow the conception "if nobody asks, I never tell". The exceptions are close friends.

Laura

Thanks, Karen xx

...

Laura, I do agree that all openness can be dangerous. And then it's a question of what may be the best thing anyway. I think it's worth pointing out though, that our nature in itself relates to fear, much the same way as for women in general, possibly to an even greater degree. I seem to remember Robyn posting an article about that some months ago.

What you're saying about making a virtue out of sheer necessity, i agree with that too. I said the same thing last winter. I had to out myself, simply to get the help i'm requesting. It's how things work here. It doesn't matter if we are at the outset of our transition, and cannot pass. My outing with that paper too, it's much the same. A major reason for the GID clinic's obstruction of me is the fact that i'm not in any kind of regular work. And then i'm supposed to make "voluntary activity". But art is in a sense voluntary activity in itself. And i'm trying to make my living by writing. In a few months i hope to have a book finished, and i have good hope of selling it.

The last time i talked to the chief psychiatrist she even had the nerve to say their resources were meant for "worthy citizens" taking full part in society. Well... now i'm taking part in society, my way. And i'm looking forward to hear what the chief doctor has to say.

Anyway, the no-ask-no-tell attitude, it's not that much different from what i'm doing. I did not identify by anything but my name. If some people ask, i'll tell them more, if not, then i'm simply going on with my life. I felt i owed the editor an explanation though. I should mention perhaps, that i probably will try to have an article on some general political issue printed the next time. And i'll explain that it may be the best way of making people accept us as just another citizen.

Suggestion really can be the strongest way of effecting people, that is what i think.

....

My thanks to you too, Mercedes and Robyn. I do think there is too much weight put on "passing". In my view it's much the same as with what women have to contend with every day, and men too, increasingly - being judged by the most superficial things. Beauty has it's value, it certainly does, but a certain way of uncritically accepting the weight of it, i simply don't think it's right. And i'm quite sure the female readers and the journalists of that paper agree with me.

Identifying as trans... i really have no problem with that. But i still feel something more has to be said, if i am to describe my identity, and make people understand. And it's about perceiving and feeling much the same way as ordinary women do. And so i really find it a natural thing to identify as a woman, officially renouncing the identification with men as men. And in my case it relates to the body too.

About half of the articles i've sent to that paper were about feminist issues. I'm really not too sure what i will be writing about the next time, or how. But in general i would like to focus on the value of feminine abilities, so much underrated, regardless of sex or gender. It may be true that being trans means having some special abilities, but in my experience they seem, to a large extent, to be sort of superfeminine. The article by Dr. Bushong... our most eminent neuro scientist said some similar thing about language a couple of years ago. And i referred to that when i answered that young male writer: Women, on average, have somewhat better language abilites than men, but some men are in a class of their own - outside the normal "bell curve". I also tried to explain the possible consequences of that: The stereotype of men perceiving and acting, women feeling and talking, it means that anyone with abilities too much like the opposite sex, will tend to become outsiders - not truly accepted in either group. To me it's quite obvious that some males belong within the group of women, if abilities are what matters.

A gender of ones own... it may seem completely on the side of things, but this spring i mentioned the philosopher Hegel to my private therapist. I had read the opening of one of his works, in which she says:

"One more word about giving instruction as to what the world ought to be. Philosophy in any case always comes on the scene too late to give it... When philosophy paints its gray in gray, then has a shape of life grown old. By philosophy's gray in gray it cannot be rejuvenated but only understood. The owl of Minerva spreads its wings only with the falling of the dusk." -- Hegel, Philosophy of Right (1820), "Preface"

He had in mind the transition from eighteenth-century feudalism to nineteenth-century commercialism and democracy. But to my therapist i said: Poor, poor Hegel... all his life, grey in grey. Too late.. Minerva's owl, it's a female figure - the divining mind of Athena.

I have been thinking what belonging to a gender really means. It is surely not a bunch of abilities or a superficial question of beauty or ugliness. Actually I came to the conclusion that it is only the consciousness of belonging to the group of "women" or "men".
As you pointed out, every man or woman has abilities which very often overlap or "belong" to the other gender. I was tested to be in the top 2% in verbal intelligence, that can be counted to be a female issue, but I have also abilities beyond the average woman, partly due to my past, including the military training. My identity is, thtat´s how I feel, first of all that of a woman and secondarily that of a woman with a trans past.

Laura

Sense of belonging... it's so true. There's no better way of putting it. All kinds of explanations possible for it, i'm sure, but in the end it's a simple feeling. I guess it's a major reason why i sent my text to that paper too, with the hope of having it printed as if i were just another woman.
...

I had a message from the editor earlier today, saying there would be an answer from that writer tomorrow. And he sent me the answer too. Well, she was a bit angry, and confused, i think. Can seem she's rather new to reading that paper... Or perfectly aware... Anyway, her text was very self-revealing. So, now i'm a bit unsure what to do. If i am to answer her in the same vein...

And, not too surprisingly, she is a "female" writer. I sort of asked her what it may be she has had to suffer "from nature's side" that would make her tell other people they should resign to their fate ? And she used her own sexuality as an example: She's a tiny sweetlooking woman, with a major temper, great intelligence, and a taste for sensitive and receptive men.... And then she stated that she's had to resign to the ways of most men - politely turning them down. She sees no reason to start yelling about her "rights" to be treated otherwise. And she has to live with the fact too, she said, that most men will never have any idea who she is on the inside.

I sort of knew... i have read a couple of her books years ago. She's known to have this very critical view of modern society. And even if she's a liberal in some ways she's holding on to some very conservative views, not too common with the other persuasions she has. So, my reference to native american culture was no coincidence. Chances are we really don't disagree that much... I'm wondering if i should send her a private message.

...


The most funny thing was that she could seem to be trying to provoke me - as a woman. She mentioned one other example. She's an anti-abortionist, and said that she really thought some women should have to live with the consequences of having unprotected sex with strangers. Exactly the kind of thing that would enrage some of the other female readers of that paper. Well... i never had much chance to become pregnant from sex, protected or not, i'm sorry to say.

Well, philosophy had it's pleasures too, off course.

Laura, nice to see you , and I hope you are well. As for the issue of identifying openly as trans, I do not mean to imply that we need to tattoo the word "TRANS" on our forehead, but that should it arise in conversation or otherwise, being trans should not be denied, and such a situation presents an opportunity to advance the positive perception of who we are. In my opinion, a more evolved or enlightened being, possessing traits and abilities different from those of "ordinary" people. Also, as I may have been known to state in past articles, it is my feeling that the binary gender model is an outdated artificial construct of society.

For too long a sense of belonging is what trans people the world over have been lacking, thus causing us to buy into the binary gender idea. We lived in isolation, many of us with the misconception that we were the only person on earth with this condition. In recent years, with the explosion of the internet, we are developing a greater sense of community. Overcoming this sense of isolation is the greatest challenge faced by our community currently. Who among us would have dreamed ten years ago that we would be able to exchange ideas like this with other similar people from every corner of the globe? Again, though Sabina and I, for example, often appear to disagree, just like the young woman she refers to in her current editorial exchange, our ideas are really more similar than they are different. I think where we differ most is in our manner of expression of these ideas. I will be speaking on this topic of the "Virtual T Revolution" at the next International Foundation for Gender Education Conference, and my latest article on the issue of labels, identity and transgender unity can be seen in the upcoming fall edition of "Tapestry."

Also, Sabina, you may find my next book review in the September edition of the "Tranny Tribune" of interest. The book I'm reviewing contains some interesting info concerning the current attitudes on trans people among modern day Native Americans. And though you may find grey to be terribly drab, is anything black or white anymore? And there are so many shades. Why, as I recall from my photography days, there are 34 shades of grey included in the range captured on film, and in my current work in video, innumerable shades of grey can be reproduced electronically, so surely, in "real life," grey could very well be what it's all about. Perhaps Hegel was not so far off.

How we take our trans past seems to differ very much. I take it mostly like a won disease, many of us are even proud of being or having been trans.
I identify myself as a woman, not actually as a trans person.

Laura

Sabina-

I applaud you for your courage, good for you.

Hugs...Joni

I've read this post a few times to make sure I understood it.

I think you did good.