February 18, 2003 9:09 PM GMT
Heather B:
Wow--there's a lot here. Deep stuff, too.
Your folks do sound like they're behind you, which is really cool. It's more than I can say...only one family member knows so far, and my S.O. sort of does.
I also understand the fear of going out thing. Even if you're good, and everyone in the world knows about you, that fear still holds you in. Paranoia is a strong fear-based motivator. It can inhibit you from doing normal, everyday things.
However...
You can't stay inside the rest of your life. You do need to get out--as Heather--and do something.
So, in the "For What It's Worth" Column...
1. Do something simple. If you have a car, wait until dark. Get dressed as Heather, then go out for a drive. Drop off some mail, make a deposit at a bank, go to the far end of town where nobody is likely to know you--or care--and do a drive through at a fast food type place. This is the key part here, hon--don't get out of the car until you are home. Try this a few times, and see how it works.
2. Talk to your mom, and ask her to go shopping with Heather for a few things. And I mean just a few things... maybe a pair of female pants, or a blouse/top, or even just women's socks. (Gotta start somewhere, dear.) Have her stand with you as you check out. Try this two or three times; you'll find that in most cases the clerks really don't care what you look like, so long as your cash is good. (Oh, yes...do use cash. No cheques or plastic.)
3. Katie is right--you may need a live support group, or a danceclub where you can go out and feel safe. I've been to a few TG/Bi/L/G bars; and I am usually accepted there like family. Only once did I get ignored; and I've not been back there since. And if you do get read...so? If you are someplace safe, nobody will really care. I've been read more often than not, early on...and still get read even now. There has only been a few tense seconds. Just think like the woman you are. You'll be fine.
4. Don't ever stop being Heather. If you suppress this side of you, eventually, she'll just come popping right back out, much more exaggerated...or you might get physically ill. (I speak from personal experience.) You have been blessed--not cursed--with a beautiful gift. You just need to find the right way to express that gift for you...not me, not Katie, not anyone else.
5. You've tried to meet friends online, but they've all been interested in getting inside your panties? Not here, surely? :
(okay, my sarcasm is showing some today.) I know what you mean, hon. Sad to say, perverts are like the poor: They are always in abundance.
But take a look at who all is here, and willing to help. Stevie. Sukie. Katie. Ricka. Rikki, if you can catch her. Annie. Heather H. Lauranatalia. I'm here, too--with at least a dozen others, and we've all been in your pumps! People that, when I was really struggling a few years ago and trying to make my own way through my questions, I would've loved to have had access to! Trannyweb is indeed becoming a rich resource...use it!
6. Finally--I am always willing to talk privately. You can e-mail me here, or at
[email protected]. Anything you share with me is kept confidential. I'm not a shrink--but I have enough background in counseling that I want to help where I can. Sometimes, all you need is someone to listen to you.
Luv 'n helping hugs,
(Dr.) Jayne Sakura